Coming out to roommate (Advice Needed)

[Danugh]

Based on the survey you can answer your own question.

Homosexuality is acceptable to me, he answered: Disagree

The act he does not agree with, but it does not speak to the person, you have known him since 3rd grade so its highly likely that he will be ok with you being a homosexual male. Some gay men find the act of heterosexuality unacceptable, eg. Jack McFarlane, yet have straight freinds.

If I discovered a friend was gay, I would end the relationship, he also answered: Disagree

You can tell him you are gay, he won't end the relationship.

If a gay friend introduced me to his/her boy/girlfriend, I would feel awkward: Disagree

There yah go, if you have a boyfriend, he wouldnt mind meeting him.

I have rocky relationships with people that I suspect are gay: Disagree

He is cool with suspected gays.

I would feel uncomfortable having a gay roommate: Neither Agree nor Disagree

Doesnt matter one way or the other. You could be zebra, as long as you pay the rent its all good.

I would hit a homosexual for coming on to me: Agree

Thats understandable. Its one thing to accept someone being gay but its disrespectful to try and force your lifestyle on him. He would just be protecting his personal space.

It bothers me to see two homosexual people together in public: Agree

Big woof. Again its about throwing it in his face. He is accpeting but that doesnt mean he wants to watch a gay porno with you. I dont even like seeing a man and a women kissing in public ( i have my reasons) so for him to be a bit uncomfortable seeing two men go at it in public is no biggie.



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There yah go. Tell him you are gay if it is something you feel needs to be shared. If you bring a guy home dont have sex in the common area simple. Respect your friends personal space and you two will be just fine.

 

[jamie_01930]

you might just ask him if he has any gay friends for starters and then see how he reacts.

good luck

 

[tallguy297]

G'day Jopmoteen,

The thing that you'll find is that when you ask hypothetical questions of someone you'll usually get hypothetical answers! I wouldnt worry too much at all about the results of your survey..in fact I would disregard them completely!

Mate, this is about you. And the friend that you have know since third grade obviously knows you well, thinks enough of you to share a room together...and probably cares more for you than you think. When you talk to him about yourself thats who he will see...you...the you he has known and trusted for years.

And thats what you need to do. Talk to him. Treat your friend with the honesty, trust and respect that he deserves. He is your friend, your mate. Real open and truthful friendships are based on those things. You are here asking for advice so chances are your morals and values are telling you that its time you were honest with your friend. Thats a great thing Jopmoteen. Thats something to be proud of.

Tell him about yourself mate. Tell him the truth and share with him the real you. You havent changed, you are still the same guy he has hung around with for all this time. You still have the same values and quirks, the same sense of humor and the same capacity to love and care. My guess is that he will shrug his shoulders and say so what. True friends who have shared your life time together dont let this sort of thing get in the way. My guess is that you would do the same for him...so give him the chance to return the favour.

Let him know the real you Jopmoteen. Let him see who you really are. Trust him enough to be honest...and let him know that you care about him enough to do so.

 

[Danugh]

you might just ask him if he has any gay friends

If he says no, tell him oh yes you do, me. Or, well you do now.

 

[lonnie1]

Obviously, you haven't come out of the closet as yet and the fact that you've just signed a year lease makes it difficult for him to move. There is a strong possibility that he will be afraid to be seen as gay because he rooms with a gay person. You may cause a negative backlash that he otherwise might not have had. So, you might want to stay in the closet until you have a chance to discuss it with him.

 

[unclaimedblessing]

Reading between the lines it sounds like he's fairly tolerant of Gays, but doesn't want his nose rubbed in it; or want to participate either.
So if you decide to tell him, it probably would be smart to explain the fact that although he's your closest friend you're not sexually interested in him (if true).
He'll probably find out sooner or later and it would be better coming from you in honest conversation.

 

[thermodynamics]

Reading between the lines it sounds like he's fairly tolerant of Gays, but doesn't want his nose rubbed in it; or want to participate either.
So if you decide to tell him, it probably would be smart to explain the fact that although he's your closest friend you're not sexually interested in him (if true).
He'll probably find out sooner or later and it would be better coming from you in honest conversation.

That's exactly what I'd do. I'd tell him. He sounds like an understanding guy that "doesn't want his nose rubbed in it." He's your friend, and he's been your friend for a long time. You two know each other. You've got a strong bond. He might be uneasy with it for a while, but I think he'd get over it.

 

[Roland00]

My crystal ball *makes wavy motions with his hands* says that he may be initally uncomfortable with it, but with time he would have no problem with it, unless you change (no walking around in your underwear in the living room, unless you already do that ). In the first week if he is uncomfortable after you tell him, the best thing I could advise is say *friends name* what is your problem, I haven't changed at all? That will drive this piece of knowledge home into his head and he will revert back to normal.

He sounds not like a homophobic guy, but just a tradional straight guy who finds gay sex icky even if he has nothing wrong with it. He may not have a problem with others doing it, but he doesn't want awkward situations involving him. Noticed he had no problems with a guy introducing his boyfriend to him, but he does have a problem with a guy hitting on him. He is completely neutral to the idea of having a gay roommate, but that is a loaded question. He would have no problem with a gay roommate if the roommate didn't want him and have boundaries, but if this isn't the case the situation changes; he needs to know the situation to give an answer that question is loaded.

Furthermore these hypothetical surveys means bullshit when you know someone close to you is gay, your whole perspective changes. He just has a liberal starting point.

Good luck, I aint advocating coming out to him, nor am I advocating not coming out to him. Make your own decisions it is your life, do what makes you feel comfortable

 

[drhladnjak]

Are you sure he doesn't suspect you're gay? I mean you just did have him fill out a homophobia survey... Seriously, what straight guy would ask his roommate to fill that out especially one that has a question about how he'd react.

Frankly, he sounds like your average relatively non-homophobic guy who just hadn't had much exposure to gay people. I'd say you coming out to him is more likely to change his views on gay people than cause him to disown you as a friend.

 

[trawler69]

My gut feeling based on what you have said is that he will be fine with you. The important thing is not to make a drama out of coming out or to make it seem like a big deal that you are telling him. The danger with this is that if he is straight he might think you have sexual feelings towards him and that could make him uneasy.

You could perhaps make a comment over a hot guy "wow I could use some of that" or whatever, in his presence.

Good luck

 

[amigo32]

he seems fine with it. don't worry.

he probably already has suspicions, I would, if my roommate gave me a "homophobia survey".

If he's known you since third grade, I especially don't think you're going to have any issues.

 

[JackFTwist]

Everyone has said great stuff.

Newboy has given you the answer of the year.

It will all be good.

 

[Soilwork]

Please refrain from using the term "Full-blown gay".

It's not a disease.

It also betrays a feeling that you'll find from some of the bi men here who seem to think that being bi is somehow better than being gay since being attracted to women makes you more of a man (completely forgetting that Esera Tuaolo is gay and Andy Dick is bi).

Finally, just relax. What's the worst that could happen if you came out? He'd know you were gay? Big deal.

 

[JackFTwist]

Please refrain from using the term "Full-blown gay".

I get your point, but I had a few bad dates where I was not a full(ly) blown gay, and was most unhappy about it since I am a full blowing gay.

 

[Soilwork]

no, not really.

because bi men aren't "Half gay". they're bisexual.

"gay" isn't a disorder or a condition. It's just... who you're attracted to.

 

[Soilwork]

OH dude, don't get into it with me.. really.. I'm trying to help.

I'm not "offended". I just think that suggesting that being gay is some kind of infection isn't the way to go about it.

Being bi is no different from being gay.. it's just another sexual orientation. It's not like you have MORE of the Gay than a bisexual man does. Although you probably have better taste in shoes.

(and of course, i think Kinsey was a twerp)

 

[spreadeagle]

I don't see what the issue is - if I understand the US term 'roommate' correctly it means you're sharing an apartment together - not actually sharing the same bedroom - what we in the UK or Australasia would call flatmates.

As with any other relationship you're going to have with anyone else in the world, your sexual preference is only an issue if you're planning or hoping to go to bed with that person. In all other cases, where strongly-held political or philisophiocal differences emerge these form perfectly rational motives for terminating the relationship. But it's nothing to get your nickers in a twist about,