Howdy chaps. Friends and family have known for a good few years so that isn't an issue. However I've never been in a proper relationship; mostly because I've been in the closet and now even these years later I'm no closer to this because my social scene just doesn't revolve around anything gay at all. My buds will come to bars with me in the day etc but in terms of me meeting someone on a night out its difficult because they (and usually me) have got something else going on.
Now I've been on bear sites etc for years too but I find that these places only really lend themselves to random hookups, a stage which I'm kind of past in the main. However there is a network of guys my age etc who use instagram, facebook etc who I think I would have a far better shot with (if only just to make friends and see where it goes from there)-so why not reach out to them? So here's the thing, I run an online business relating to a soccer team and I've gotten to know a lot of people over the years. In order to reach out to these guys I mention I'm going to have to out myself to the wider world. Was thinking of doing a tumblr post (my first) on the matter. So here's what I've written, any feedback would be appreciated!
Now I've been on bear sites etc for years too but I find that these places only really lend themselves to random hookups, a stage which I'm kind of past in the main. However there is a network of guys my age etc who use instagram, facebook etc who I think I would have a far better shot with (if only just to make friends and see where it goes from there)-so why not reach out to them? So here's the thing, I run an online business relating to a soccer team and I've gotten to know a lot of people over the years. In order to reach out to these guys I mention I'm going to have to out myself to the wider world. Was thinking of doing a tumblr post (my first) on the matter. So here's what I've written, any feedback would be appreciated!
“When I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has glean’d my teeming brain…” ~ Keats

When I was young I often had a recurring dream. I would find myself in the midst of revelry with friends, most likely then it would have been dreaming of football but as the scene is set to peak; I begin to move as though immersed in water. My friends are now in the distance beckoning me forth but I am unable to move fast enough. I am alone and so I wake. Though encumbered by youth it did not take long for me to decipher the meaning of this dream. This was the manifestation of my fears of abandonment later in life due to that which I had always known - I was different.
From a very young age I knew I liked men. This was and has remained an unchanging fact. My issue has never been with the denial of the fact, though I must confess to imagining it were not the case; rather I have always been worried about my dream becoming reality. I concealed this aspect of my being for many years and the reason I now allow this to be known is in an attempt to abate the vision. It was clear to me that there was always going to be a time when I had reached the precipice and that time of my life is now. Friends are now in the distance, being wed, having children and leaving the country. I cannot hope to join them living this solitary life. They have been privy to the truth longer than the world and they have gotten me this far but I now need the world to take me the rest of the way.
I have erred away from using the word ‘gay’. I hate that word, I take no ownership of it. That word is imbued with too many negative connotations and evokes clichés, effeminacy, weakness and deviancy, though not for everyone I concede. We have all grown up in a society that has propagated these stereotypes and its hard to shake them when you hear the trigger word, even for me. This is, I believe, one of the main reasons that so many people have great difficulty in admitting to others that they like the same sex, because despite the fact it doesn’t define who they are, the fear that they will be by others is crippling. That which you know of the person beforehand is no less true.
Is writing this necessary, especially when your friends and family all know you. I would very much like the answer to be no but until sexuality is no longer an issue and young men and women continue to endure a torturous youth then it is. Like it or not there is a duty to let other young people reading this to know that its not an issue. Your sexuality does not define you.
My recalcitrance towards the pre-existing language towards homosexuality, is I believe what began my interest in the arts. The desire to author your own worlds using your own language. I have done this for many years but now I must devote some of my attention to reality. It is never too late to go out and get yours
