Comming out tomorrow

[JoeruDesu]

Hello everyone,

This is my first time posting here. I actually just signed up a few minutes ago. I find it weird that I am posting it right now, at 3 am, but I can't seem to fall asleep.

I've been in the closet for a while now. I am 21 years old and have known and considered myself gay since I was 18. Its funny because throughout this time I have been thinking about my sexuality a lot in terms of the world, myself, my religion, and my family. I knew two things during this period. I am gay, and that there is no reason to be ashamed of it. Still, I have yet to come out of the closet for various reason, including being scared of the negative reactions I may get because of it, which I imagine is a fear many others face as well.

But for the last couple of months I have started feeling like I have never felt before. Like a bottle of soda ready to burst after it has been shaken too much. I've been feeling it coming, so much so that I think I could tell anyone and not care if they end up being negative about it or not. I know my family will accept me. We are all very close. The only thing that scares me is disappointing my mom. I know she will still love me, but I'm afraid I will disappoint her. But still, I know it has to happen soon. I have been thinking about it far too much and I need to let it out.

It won't happen all at once. I plan to first tell my sister, the one I am most closest to (since I have 4 sisters and 1 brother), and see where it goes from there. I am 1 year older than her and we have been close our whole lives. We talk about everything and like many of the same things. I'm not sure I will tell the rest of my family in the immediate future, but I know I have to tell someone soon.

Anyways, I decided I will do it tomorrow, kind of on the spot as I was laying here thinking intensely about it, but I know I want to do it. So yeah, I don't really think I need any advice or anything, although if you want to give it I am more than happy to read it. I just kind of wanted to let it out that I am gay, and bloody proud of it. (I'm not British but I hang out with one too much and it seemed appropriate)

(Also, I know telling one person isn't really coming out, but I still think its a big step in the right direction)

 

[bhandsome]

Congrats on this big step. I am just like you, 21 and have been knowing I was gay since I was around 18. I too feel like I need to tell someone soon.

Also, telling yourself and one person is coming out; when you feel comfortable to tell the rest of your family it will be an even bigger relief.

I look forward to hearing the positive aftermath!

 

[medic1]

Congratulations as Seasoned has said coming out to yourself is the hardest
it was great to see how positive you were in your thread.
All i can do is wish you luck and welcome to jub , this is a great place where
you can have really serious talks and than the next thread has you laughing
so much , jub is a very diverse site i am sure you will love it .

 

[pai mei]

tell us how it goes!!

oh, and don't back out. force yourself to say it, you want to, so make sure you do.

 

[kcboi]

Congrats on starting the process... that was very well thought out and wonderfully written... sounds like you are in the right place in your head and your heart to do this now... please let us know how it goes as you open the closet door and smell the freshest air you can imagine... God Bless you on this journey to freedom!

 

[JoeruDesu]

Thanks for all the support everyone, you guys helped make the process easier, especially when I didn't realize initially how difficult it was actually going to be.

My heart was beating so fast the whole time I was with her. We were both in the car heading to the University, which is like 40 minutes away. Even though the words were at the tip of my mouth they were so difficult to say. I kept having to remember what Pai Mei told me about not backing out.

I was telling my sister I was gay, but I felt like I was actually telling that to myself for the first time. I ended up being more freaked out than her. She was surprised but actually stayed very cool and supportive. She asked the usual questions like how I knew I was gay to begin with, and we just kept on talking about it. I am honestly still a little freaked out, but its also mixed with this calmness, like I can breath and relax for the first time.

 

[dhchitown1984]

wooohooo!! Congratulations! It's such a big step! We definitely know how you feel, and we look forward to hearing how you feel afterwards! Let us know how it goes!

 

[anchihiro]

Hey well done man, saying it out loud for the first time does seem alien and you almost have to convince yourself its true.

Let us know how it goes with the rest of your family.

 

[EJMichaels]

Congratulations and best wishes!

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome and best wishes to you. Admitting it to yourself and telling another person is my definition of coming out.

Your mother won't be disappointed in you so please reframe that thinking. She might be scared for you given homophobia and the perception that HIV is a gay condition. Whenever you might be ready to tell her I hope, if she has concerns for you that she voices them so you'll be able to clarify things for her.

 

[pai mei]

Thanks for all the support everyone, you guys helped make the process easier, especially when I didn't realize initially how difficult it was actually going to be.

My heart was beating so fast the whole time I was with her. We were both in the car heading to the University, which is like 40 minutes away. Even though the words were at the tip of my mouth they were so difficult to say. I kept having to remember what Pai Mei told me about not backing out.

I was telling my sister I was gay, but I felt like I was actually telling that to myself for the first time. I ended up being more freaked out than her. She was surprised but actually stayed very cool and supportive. She asked the usual questions like how I knew I was gay to begin with, and we just kept on talking about it. I am honestly still a little freaked out, but its also mixed with this calmness, like I can breath and relax for the first time.

yay! congrats thats a huge step, and im happy she was cool with it. i remember after the very first person i told, my heart was racing SO fast. when i got home, i was actually shaking.

it's a pretty exhilarating experience, but it does get easier with each person you tell. except maybe when it comes time to tell your parents.

 

[JoeruDesu]

Thanks again everyone for the advice and support! Even though I came out only to one person it just made me open up so much. I've started hitting the gay scene and just meeting a whole bunch of new awesome people, which I never would have done without coming out.

Not only that, I think its affected my confidence, my outlook on life, and just how I interact with the people I normally speak to everyday. Its just made me an overall happier person.

And yeah, I can only imagine it will be a challenge telling my parents and the rest of my family, but I am still super hopeful of the future.