Complete inability to imagine a happy future

[BlueLantern]

Sorry if I posted in the wrong area, and sorry for posting this at all, I know it won't help a bit...

...well, the title says it all, I just can't imagine being happy in the near or distant future, in fact all I can imagine for the future is me dying alone.

This isn't new, in fact, I actually think it was how I felt my entire life...

...what is "new" is that I am somehow noticing this "blind spot" of my imagination and how I have a problem to even trying to imagine being happy, like if it was something scary, or something my mind just doesn't have the power to do. I don't even know what could make my life happy.

I dunno, if it something that is serious and I need help, or just something common.

 

[birddog7]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm pretty much the same way.

 

[KaraBulut]

Hmmm... well, let's start here in the health forum since it's not clear whether you're going through a period of depression or whether this is more a matter of you feeling socially awkward.

Can you provide a bit more background information- what do you define as "happiness" and why do you feel like it eludes you?

 

[Seasoned]

Get an evaluation to see if it's depression. It's treatable. Good luck.

 

[lonnie1]

Unless you're clinically depressed in which case you should see a therapist, I suggest you need a purpose in life. Volunteer--help someone else and stop focussing on the bad. Help at church or in your neighborhood.

 

[BlueLantern]

Hmmm... well, let's start here in the health forum since it's not clear whether you're going through a period of depression or whether this is more a matter of you feeling socially awkward.

I am not sure if it is depression... I just been thinking about the future lately, and I am not happy about it.

Can you provide a bit more background information- what do you define as "happiness" and why do you feel like it eludes you?

Happyness... I guess it is the opposite of fearing the next moment, and hoping for it, to not feeling down or incomplete, or not feeling like... if life is a game, you are losing it.

mainly, I think happyness is being able to look a head and don't be scared of what the future will be.

Get an evaluation to see if it's depression. It's treatable. Good luck.

Main problem is doing it without my family finding out. =/

Unless you're clinically depressed in which case you should see a therapist, I suggest you need a purpose in life. Volunteer--help someone else and stop focussing on the bad. Help at church or in your neighborhood.

I am a atheist, one of my problems in my life is that everyone in my family is deeply religious, I don't think I would take the pressure of spending even more time in a religious enveroment without throwing myself in front of a bus.

 

[Ambrocious]

I am a atheist, one of my problems in my life is that everyone in my family is deeply religious, I don't think I would take the pressure of spending even more time in a religious enveroment without throwing myself in front of a bus.

Volunteering at a church isn't about being involved religiously, it's about helping people who are suffering, which in turns gives you a great purpose in life.

I was and still sort of am going through what you are...I feel like the world is just getting bleaker and bleaker. My imagination has seemingly all but died which causes great bouts of depression and I just wish that this was all over with. What I recently decided to do just yesterday actually is to join the University of Phoenix.

Helping others out, no matter what it is about is a great way to feel good about yourself.

If you write stuff then I encourage you to keep a journal, even if it is all darkly written, keeping a journal to store your thoughts and feelings is very important. Check out some of my stories if you want to.

My Stories:

Fucked By The Rich Kid
Trials of His Generous Love
The Hope of Death
Robert Kaids
Twin Affirmation

Watch some comedies! I have found that in extreme bouts of depression that comedies tend to help out TONS!

Here is some movies I suggest watching:

Kung Pow - Enter The Fist
Naked Gun
Naked Gun 1 1/2
Naked Gun 33 1/3
Loaded Weapon
Not Another Teen Movie
Dance Flick



Also, listening to a new genre of music, something you have NEVER heard of before can open your subconscious mind for growth and further imagination. Look into the musical band called "Tally Hall".

Please PM me if you would like to, I'd love to talk with you and see what I can do to help you get in better moods!

 

[palemale]

Also, listening to a new genre of music, something you have NEVER heard of before can open your subconscious mind for growth and further imagination. Look into the musical band called "Tally Hall".

I agree. I suggest you listen to Beethoven's 9th Symphony, his last. He was a deeply bitter and unhappy man. His personal life was not happy, he did not end up with the women he loved. As a child he was beaten and mistreated by his father. He survived small pox, which left his face scarred and disfigured. He expected Napoleon to spread the ideals of the French Revolution across Europe, and was deeply disappointed when he turned out to be a despot. Finally, he went deaf. When he wrote the 9th symphony, in fact, he was completely deaf. Yet it is one of the most joyful, beautiful pieces of music ever written. I've attached a link to an excerpt of the last movement, which includes choral and solo voices singing Schiller's "Ode to Joy." One of the most famous pieces of music with which you will no doubt be familiar. [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9V5yUsrmdg[/ame]

 

[killdawabbit]

I am a atheist, one of my problems in my life is that everyone in my family is deeply religious, I don't think I would take the pressure of spending even more time in a religious enveroment without throwing myself in front of a bus.

I am a Christian but growing up in a 'religious environment' was very depressing and unnatural. Most of the religious people I knew were self-righteous hypocrites.
I read the Bible for myself and still do everday. I've never met anyone personally who had a clue what the Bible really says.
I'm not trying to preach really but to say don't judge Jesus by what his so-called followers do and say.
I bet if you read the Bible with out any presuppositions or outside influence you would see how true it is.
Never believe 'religious people". Especially preachers.
Jesus has a great future for you. Here on earth it's good days and bad days. That's temporary.

 

[seven2go]

BlueLantern's last post was September 21.......

 

[jdoe4822]

It definitely sounds like it could be a depressive episode. Why would your family find out? Sorry bro dunno what your living situation but we can definitely try to find out a way to get you the help you need.

As I've talked about in other threads, I used to be a practicing devout Christian and went through my own period of deep depression and ultimately hospitalization. It can get better and part of that for me was a switch from Christianity to Atheism. I went from heavily medicated and in bi weekly therapy sessions to med free and counseling maybe once every few months if something comes up that I need a safe place to talk about shit.

 

[BlueLantern]

BlueLantern's last post was September 21.......

I am sorry for not posting again... as I said, it was a mistake to make this topic, I already know that there is nothing that could help it. I will see if I can respond individually later.

Sorry again.

 

[killdawabbit]

Blue, I posted a very similar thread myself and was embarrassed that I did. But not now. Everyone was so nice.
I get those periods you're talking about. One thing I've learned over the years is that they always pass. I hope they do for you too.
There are some meds that can help also.

 

[BlueLantern]

Sorry, I havin trouble find the will to answer everyone... it makes me think bad things.

first, please, please, just don't try to convert me. Can you respect that much?

second, I still leave with my parents, I don't have anyway to support myself (my sister lives with us too, I am not sure if he could live by her own). They are very religious and my sister is getting more religious everyday.

third, my job sucks, lately thinking about it is what makes me sad and anger, I am underpaid, work near but-not-exactly-in-my-area, the office is unpleasant, unpretty, unclean and interns rotate every 3-months, I actually "scared" of GOOD interns because I know they are going to depart sooner.

fourth, I starting to doubt my ability to love.


Edit:

Fifth. About watching comedies... I sometimes "zone out" and start to think about things... I pretty sure I look crazy when I start to laugh with no reason... I also, many comedies have homophobics undertones so I stay away from them.

 

[Nomenclature]

second, I still leave with my parents, I don't have anyway to support myself (my sister lives with us too, I am not sure if he could live by her own). [...] my job sucks, lately thinking about it is what makes me sad and anger, I am underpaid

So honestly, it sounds like your biggest source of depression is money. I'll assume you're young. . .It's actually becoming very common for people around our age to be worried about their future, and to be unhappy with their financial situation. Student debt is destroying people's credit before they can even become financially independent anymore. It's a bleak situation.


If it makes you feel any better at all: It's something we're all struggling with, and you aren't alone.


When things in your life don't seem to be going right, try going left. Basically, what that means is that you're going to have to explore your options and find out what's going to work best for you. IF it takes a counselor to help you through this in order to get to that point, so be it. . .but know in your heart that this is something you CAN work through; we're ALL working through it and your life situation has nowhere to go but up from here.

 

[DarkHelios]

So you don't like your job and you're not a fan of your religious household.

Do you have any free time outside of work and time spent out of the house? What do you do with it?

Is there anything you can think of that you WANT to do?

 

[BlueLantern]

So you don't like your job and you're not a fan of your religious household.

Do you have any free time outside of work and time spent out of the house? What do you do with it?

I don't ever go out, never. I never went to party with friends, specially because all my friendships are pretty much on-line. I never leave the house, at night, during my freetime I spend my entire time inside my room

Is there anything you can think of that you WANT to do?

I don't know what I want... I am very shy, I want to have friends and love, but I don't like being around people... I jsut wanted to be happy, that the world to be a place where I could be happy. But there is no hope to that.

 

[altlover85]

What are some of your hobbies or interests?

If you like being alone, there are plenty of hobbies you can do that don't require other people. Do you like computers? If so perhaps you could work on learning web design or even programming. If you like art perhaps you could pursue that.

I think moving out might be a good idea. I understand you don't have much money now, but at least you could start by trying to save $10 a week or something like that. Start small and go from there.

It might also be good idea to look into other jobs.

BTW, I like your avatar.

 

[seven2go]

I am sorry for not posting again... as I said, it was a mistake to make this topic, I already know that there is nothing that could help it. I will see if I can respond individually later.

Sorry again.

Glad you are posting.........people worry you know.......

 

[Gomaki]

Hey man,

I hope you do feel better.

I feel where you are coming from. Actually, I think you might enjoy a gay-themed film called "Shelter". It may sound silly, but I think this movie really turned my head around about being gay. It's a simple plot, but really made me feel that things can turn out right. If you want to know where to find it, PM me.

Also on Youtube there is a mini-grassroots campaign going on with gay Youtubers called the "It gets better project", which deals with this exact topic. I'll post some here:

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhmL1KFz3Vc&feature=sub[/ame]

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9kdFu08WaE[/ame]

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ju9hQsTRRUQ[/ame]