So. I'll attempt to make a long story shorter.
About a month ago I met this guy from an online site (http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=252836). I didn't really hit it off with him from the first moment, but we met again a week later. I went home to his place – and somewhere along the way we've become a couple. I like him a lot, and I miss him very much when he's not around. But I'm getting scared of rushing into a relationship this fast. I came out last fall, and this is my first "non-secret" and "non-long-distance" relationship. I'm just confused about this whole thing.
The core of this whole thing, though is something different. I've had two secret, long-distance relationships in the past. Those were primarily phone-based, and I was sort of together with those two guys for about a year each, meeting one of them in real life twice, and the other guy four times. They were both 30 years older than me. I'm 22 as of now. I got into both of those relationships based on my attraction to older men.
When I came out, I had decided that I would test the waters with someone closer to my age, because of all the troubles that being with someone much older brings. Both socially, considering friends and family, and the fact that somewhere along both of the previous relationships it all came to a point where I felt the age difference made it too difficult to relate to each other.
Now, this new guy I've met is 25. I've already introduced him to my friends, and he's introduced me to his – including his ex, who I will go to a party at tomorrow. I haven't told him about my past with those two guys, and I'm feeling that it's sort of something I'm hiding from him. The sex is good, and has only gotten better since we first had sex. (He'll probably be my first anal experience, but that's possibly a bit much information.) Still, there is something that keeps me from getting all into it. I sort of feel that I'm fooling myself by being with a guy this young. Sort of like sleeping with a girl when you're really gay. Only that I'm sleeping with a young guy, when I'm really into older gents.
Though, I'm thinking that it's sort of my porn habits that has gotten me into being a bit one-tracked. I've pretty much exclusively watched porn with older men in it, since I first discovered porn. So, it sort of feels like my mind is playing me a trick in some way or another.
I'm feeling that I should discuss these matters with my current boyfriend. I'm just afraid that he will get pushed away by "my thing" for older men. It would be honest of me to say that I'm not attracted to older men anymore at all. I just don't want to lose him over this, and I feel that I'm making a good progress with him. So, would it be wrong of me to keep my past to myself for a little longer?
I sort of want to clear things up before getting too serious, but I don't want to lose him or make him feel insecure about all of this.
On a side note, I just talked with the guy I broke up with about 1/2 a year ago. When I told him about this new guy, he started crying and said that he missed me a lot. And that he never had felt as close to anyone except me. He really hasn't gotten over me, and I'm getting a bit messed up by hearing him like that.
If anything of this makes any sense, I would greatly appreciate some input. It would be good to have someone else's take on this mess of mine.
About a month ago I met this guy from an online site (http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=252836). I didn't really hit it off with him from the first moment, but we met again a week later. I went home to his place – and somewhere along the way we've become a couple. I like him a lot, and I miss him very much when he's not around. But I'm getting scared of rushing into a relationship this fast. I came out last fall, and this is my first "non-secret" and "non-long-distance" relationship. I'm just confused about this whole thing.
The core of this whole thing, though is something different. I've had two secret, long-distance relationships in the past. Those were primarily phone-based, and I was sort of together with those two guys for about a year each, meeting one of them in real life twice, and the other guy four times. They were both 30 years older than me. I'm 22 as of now. I got into both of those relationships based on my attraction to older men.
When I came out, I had decided that I would test the waters with someone closer to my age, because of all the troubles that being with someone much older brings. Both socially, considering friends and family, and the fact that somewhere along both of the previous relationships it all came to a point where I felt the age difference made it too difficult to relate to each other.
Now, this new guy I've met is 25. I've already introduced him to my friends, and he's introduced me to his – including his ex, who I will go to a party at tomorrow. I haven't told him about my past with those two guys, and I'm feeling that it's sort of something I'm hiding from him. The sex is good, and has only gotten better since we first had sex. (He'll probably be my first anal experience, but that's possibly a bit much information.) Still, there is something that keeps me from getting all into it. I sort of feel that I'm fooling myself by being with a guy this young. Sort of like sleeping with a girl when you're really gay. Only that I'm sleeping with a young guy, when I'm really into older gents.
Though, I'm thinking that it's sort of my porn habits that has gotten me into being a bit one-tracked. I've pretty much exclusively watched porn with older men in it, since I first discovered porn. So, it sort of feels like my mind is playing me a trick in some way or another.
I'm feeling that I should discuss these matters with my current boyfriend. I'm just afraid that he will get pushed away by "my thing" for older men. It would be honest of me to say that I'm not attracted to older men anymore at all. I just don't want to lose him over this, and I feel that I'm making a good progress with him. So, would it be wrong of me to keep my past to myself for a little longer?
I sort of want to clear things up before getting too serious, but I don't want to lose him or make him feel insecure about all of this.
On a side note, I just talked with the guy I broke up with about 1/2 a year ago. When I told him about this new guy, he started crying and said that he missed me a lot. And that he never had felt as close to anyone except me. He really hasn't gotten over me, and I'm getting a bit messed up by hearing him like that.
If anything of this makes any sense, I would greatly appreciate some input. It would be good to have someone else's take on this mess of mine.
