Concern over possible HIV infection! Any opinions on how to proceed?

[SoCalAlex]

Hey everyone,

I've been following this forum for a while now and this is my first post and unfortunately, its about a concern I have about a potential HIV infection.

I guess a little background on me is that I'm a recent college grad and I'm currently trying to enter the real world and set up my life. I recently went through the rough breakup of my very long term college relationship and I haven't taken it too well, even though I was the one to end things... I've engaged in risky, stupid behavior since then but tonight I did something remarkably foolish and I'm feeling like an idiot. Tonight, I engaged in unprotected sex with a much older buddy I made online... In what is probably the stupidest thing to do, I let my buddy and his friend bareback me. It was, at least as far as my fantasies are concerned, an amazing experience. However in the real world, it was the stupidest thing i could have done.

Anyway, after asking him repeatedly about his HIV status, my buddy refused to answer or deflected the question, which alarmed me. I finally got the truth out of him and he confessed that he's HIV positive. He claims that the guilt got to him and that he couldn't lie to him, however, he affirms that he's never gotten anyone sick before. I feel stupid being concerned about this, since I've engaged in risky, unprotected behavior before and was never worried until this new buddy admitted to being hIV positive. Any of the guys I've been with previously could just as easily been infected and either don't know it or deliberately lied to me....

While I know it's is my fault and I literally asked for it... I can't help but be worried. I'm not very knowledgeable on issues of HIV/AIDS, but if my buddy barebacked me... is it 100% that I'll become infected? Not to give out too many details... but if he and his friend took turns on me, and neither ejaculated into me, does anyone know how much at risk I am? Neither my buddy nor his friend ejaculated in me... tho that's what my buddy says and I don't know if I can believe him anymore. I tried washing out the area as soon as I got home but I don't know if that'll just make things worse.

Anyway, I guess my concern is whether or nor I should be concerned about being infected from the sexual activity I described above... and if I should be worried... if there anything I should do? Anything I could do? I know that in Europe, where I studied abroad, there is a treatment called Post Exposure Prophylaxis and its easily accessible. However, I have been unable to find it here in the US, where I live.

I guess I don't exactly know what I'm looking for on here, but if anyone has any opinions or knowledge that could put my mind at ease, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Thank you

 

[cabsterman]

Karabut can chime on this along with others but I think you need to abstain from sex for approximately 3+ months then get tested as the HIV antibodies stay dormant for that time period. Also, I would start reading and getting knowledgeable about symptoms that may occur within the next several weeks or so. You may also want to visit a clinic or physician's office and discuss your situation with a counselor.

 

[Corny]

Hi there,

overall the risk to become infected is (compared to other stds) quite low.
Being a bottom increases the risk.
Being a bottom and getting cum inside increases the risk.

So if there was no cum involved, you might be lucky. Might. You can see now why this is a dangerous gamble.
I'm not sure how much sense a PEP treatment would make in your case (because most contacts are somewhat longer ago), and IIRC they will only prescribe it when there was a high-risk kind of activity within the last 72 hours.

What you want to do is to get to a doc asap, best one experienced with HIV. There might be a way to check your status before the mentioned 3months period, but those tests can be expensive.

You took a dangerous gamble - best of luck, you might need it.

 

[Benvolio]

You should immediately see a doctor who treats HIV patients. Going to a GP and being referred to another just results in delay. I think the specialist will recommend some drugs now would have the potential to kill the disease before it gets established. I would not take the risk that it you may not be infected, and I would not delay another day. In making the appointment, I would emphasize to the receptionist, on the phone or in person, that you may have been infected a day or so ago, and need to see the doctor at once. If you do not a quick appointment, look for a sooner one and cancel the first if you find a sooner one.
I would report your "buddy" to the police.

 

[KaraBulut]

You are a candidate for PEP- but you only have 72 hours to begin treatment.

Getting PEP on the weekend can be a challenge (and expensive). Any urgent care center, emergency room or Planned Parenthood clinic can prescribe PEP. If you have a GP that you trust, you may be able to get an appointment on Monday and begin treatment.

If you don't have insurance, you may want to contact the LA Public Health GLBT PEP Hotline at 323-860-5880. Or you may be able to contact the LA Gay and Lesbian Center Hotline on Monday (323) 993-7400 or (888) 295-2429 for a recommendation about the resources available in your area.

 

[CowboyBob]

It's not 100% certain that you contacted HIV. However the virus is present in precum. You need to see a doctor ASAP and be honest about the situation and he/she can start PEP if needed. Remember, HIV isn't a death sentence. I have several friends who've been living with HIV for 20+ years.

 

[SoCalAlex]

Hey everyone,

Thank you all for reading my message and for taking the time to reply to my thread. Just to follow up, I went to ER today and spent a good chunk of time there. I got testing, got lots of bloodwork done and got a referral to a large state HIV clinic in Orange County. I'll be heading there tomorrow and in the meantime I've been placed on a couple of antiretrovirals, 3 different ones. Tomorrow I'll see a specialist and he/she will probably change the prescription but at least in the meantime I managed to get in 3 different pills before the first 24 hours were even up!

In the meantime, my 'friend' has emailed me and assured me that he is totally on top of his situation, that he just got all his check ups and numbers and he has no viral load , he takes his meds ritualistically and had no release of bodily fluids. He assures me he feels very remorseful about not disclosing his actual HIV status. In an effort to reassure me, but much to my horror, he assures me that he has several friends he barebacks with, all with much more duration and emissions that what we did. But there have been no transmissions, he assures me. He claims that he has had long term relationships with HIV negative people, with unprotected sex and everyone is still negative. However, I don't believe that is very likely... also, given yesterday's event. I don't think I can believe anything he says.

Sigh... in the meantime, I'd like to extend my thanks to everyone who replied! You all definitely encouraged me to seek medical attention since I had made up my mind not to go to ER... My HIV tests today came back negative and I can only hope I get the same result when I get tested again in a few weeks.

Thank you

 

[KaraBulut]

... given yesterday's event. I don't think I can believe anything he says.

^Absolutely.

You've done what we always recommend- you've taken responsibility for your own health and you've sought treatment. Hopefully, the repeat tests will also be negative, too.

 

[hotatlboi]

You took a big risk which you now realize but if he is telling the truth about being on his meds with no viral load then there should be little chance you got infected. Agree with you though that there's really no believing what he says at face value at this point.

 

[nafhoosier]

Karabut can chime on this along with others but I think you need to abstain from sex for approximately 3+ months then get tested as the HIV antibodies stay dormant for that time period. Also, I would start reading and getting knowledgeable about symptoms that may occur within the next several weeks or so. You may also want to visit a clinic or physician's office and discuss your situation with a counselor.

This is the worst possible thing ANYONE can do in this situation.

It'll cause him to literally worry himself sick. Unless one is critically ill with a lymph-node mono-like virus that requires hospitalization after a high risk exposure, there isn't a real symptom that suggests HIV infection.

The best option is PEP treatment and if it was too late, continuing to have sex is fine as long as it is protected anally and (optionally) orally. Also, therapy and heavy breathing helps with anxiety.

After 72 hours in situations like this, things are out of your control but the future remains in your control.

 

[palemale]

Hey everyone,

Thank you all for reading my message and for taking the time to reply to my thread. Just to follow up, I went to ER today and spent a good chunk of time there. I got testing, got lots of bloodwork done and got a referral to a large state HIV clinic in Orange County. I'll be heading there tomorrow and in the meantime I've been placed on a couple of antiretrovirals, 3 different ones. Tomorrow I'll see a specialist and he/she will probably change the prescription but at least in the meantime I managed to get in 3 different pills before the first 24 hours were even up!

In the meantime, my 'friend' has emailed me and assured me that he is totally on top of his situation, that he just got all his check ups and numbers and he has no viral load , he takes his meds ritualistically and had no release of bodily fluids. He assures me he feels very remorseful about not disclosing his actual HIV status. In an effort to reassure me, but much to my horror, he assures me that he has several friends he barebacks with, all with much more duration and emissions that what we did. But there have been no transmissions, he assures me. He claims that he has had long term relationships with HIV negative people, with unprotected sex and everyone is still negative. However, I don't believe that is very likely... also, given yesterday's event. I don't think I can believe anything he says.

Sigh... in the meantime, I'd like to extend my thanks to everyone who replied! You all definitely encouraged me to seek medical attention since I had made up my mind not to go to ER... My HIV tests today came back negative and I can only hope I get the same result when I get tested again in a few weeks.

Thank you

I had a former fuckbuddy who met a guy and became boyfriends. He foolishly bottomed bareback for his new bf before they got tested together. A week later, the bf found out he was HIV+. The bf didn't know he was positive and, therefore, wasn't taking medication. My buddy had a miserable six months, but ultimately was negative. The moral of the story, which every responsible person (and couple) follows, is no unprotected sex ever until you are in a committed relationship and get tested together. Before that, conduct your sex life as if every partner had an std. Condoms always!

 

[JayQueer]

Hey everyone,

Thank you all for reading my message and for taking the time to reply to my thread. Just to follow up, I went to ER today and spent a good chunk of time there. I got testing, got lots of bloodwork done and got a referral to a large state HIV clinic in Orange County. I'll be heading there tomorrow and in the meantime I've been placed on a couple of antiretrovirals, 3 different ones. Tomorrow I'll see a specialist and he/she will probably change the prescription but at least in the meantime I managed to get in 3 different pills before the first 24 hours were even up!

In the meantime, my 'friend' has emailed me and assured me that he is totally on top of his situation, that he just got all his check ups and numbers and he has no viral load , he takes his meds ritualistically and had no release of bodily fluids. He assures me he feels very remorseful about not disclosing his actual HIV status. In an effort to reassure me, but much to my horror, he assures me that he has several friends he barebacks with, all with much more duration and emissions that what we did. But there have been no transmissions, he assures me. He claims that he has had long term relationships with HIV negative people, with unprotected sex and everyone is still negative. However, I don't believe that is very likely... also, given yesterday's event. I don't think I can believe anything he says.

Sigh... in the meantime, I'd like to extend my thanks to everyone who replied! You all definitely encouraged me to seek medical attention since I had made up my mind not to go to ER... My HIV tests today came back negative and I can only hope I get the same result when I get tested again in a few weeks.

Thank you

Hi Alex!! You're from Orange County too! I'm from North OC though.

It seems like other people chimed in first, and it seems like you got some assistance.

You may have been referred to AIDS Services Foundation Orange County, but if you haven't already checked them out, you may want to get in touch w/ them too:

http://www.ocasf.org/

They're in Irvine, near John Wayne Airport.

 

[Georgiadude]

I'm sorry this happened. I'd like to comment on something. Just because he or his friend didn't ejaculate inside you doesn't mean they didn't expose you to any type of std. There can be transmission of a disease via pre cum. I'm not saying that to cause you to worry but to inform others that it is possible to contract a disease whether it be hiv or another std. The same as it's possible for a woman to get pregnant even if the guy pulls out before he ejaculates. Sperm and diseases can be present in pre cum.

I hope and pray that your tests continue to be negative. I'd be extremely furious at this person and would consider talking to the police or attorney generals office. He is knowingly exposing others to a potentially fatal disease. He needs to be stopped before he infects someone. I don't care how bad he feels. He didn't care about you or the others he's possibly exposed. I wouldn't trust a word he says. In many areas knowingly exposing someone to HIV is a felony. If nothing else he needs to be scared into stopping his dangerous behavior. Please consider talking to the authorities and at least seeing if they can put a stop to him. He's obviously not going to stop on his own. If he were a decent person he wouldn't have done this to you or anyone else.

Steven.

 

[Gekishinken]

I agree with reporting this guy to the authorities. He needs to be stopped. He is knowingly not revealing his HIV status to partners and is potentially exposing people to HIV. Imagine how many other people he knowingly had unprotected sex with and potentially infected with a life threatening illness. Make sure to save any and all messages from him. If you do end up being HIV positive I would talk to an attorney as well and consider suing him for everything he is worth. You would likely have success as well because the threshold for finding someone guilty in a civil case is much lower than a criminal case. Either way though, you need to inform the authorities and get this all on record. File a police report. If you do end up being positive and suing him it can and should be used as evidence.

 

[JayQueer]

I'm sorry this happened. I'd like to comment on something. Just because he or his friend didn't ejaculate inside you doesn't mean they didn't expose you to any type of std. There can be transmission of a disease via pre cum. I'm not saying that to cause you to worry but to inform others that it is possible to contract a disease whether it be hiv or another std. The same as it's possible for a woman to get pregnant even if the guy pulls out before he ejaculates. Sperm and diseases can be present in pre cum.

I did not know this, but I looked it up & California is one of the states where it's a felony to not to tell your partner that you're HIV positive and then have unprotected sex.

http://kff.org/other/state-indicator/criminal-statutes-on-hiv-transmission/

I agree that the OP needs to file a police report & get any evidence he can that the guys knew they were HIV positive but didn't tell him until afterward. "Oh, but I was on medication so I didn't think it would matter" is not an excuse.

 

[RaKroma]

SoCalAlex, I'd suggest later on to get a full scope STD screen including for Hepatitis C and B. Many HIV positive men who run around bare-backing are Hepatitis C carriers.

 

[Gekishinken]

And if you have not already, get vaccinated for all kinds of Hepatitis.

If you do decide to press charges (and I honestly feel it is almost your duty as a human being to save others from potential exposure), you should also get a copy of your ER visit records to submit to the police.

 

[Telstra]

Taking lots of tablets everyday is a life sentence.
So the guy didn't tell you he is hiv positive before sex, he should be charged with something.

 

[bankside]

Without even knowing you, I'd say the smartest thing you've ever done in your life is face up to the situation and push to get PEP treatment immediately after that night of carelessness. A lot of people would just worry about it without facing any embarrassment that comes from making a bad choice. I hope it works out.

Now, I also hope you will get tested for every other kind of STD he and his buddy could have left in your ass. And given that he lied about his infection, at least in some jurisdictions that would get him thrown in jail.

 

[nafhoosier]

I agree with reporting this guy to the authorities. He needs to be stopped.

What really needs to be stopped are gay men participating in reckless bare backing behavior with those that they are not in a committed relationship with.

According to the OP's post, he either did not ask the Poz individual about his status at all before he had sex with him or he asked him but he kept on ignoring 'deflecting' the question, and the OP let him have unprotected sex with him anyway.

Not that it would make any difference anyway. If somebody doesn't want to get HIV, they should put on a condom and treat every person like they are poz. Yeah, i know .0001% of the time people get HIV from defective condoms, but if it wasn't a method that worked, condoms would have pulled off the market a long time ago.

I don't mean to be harsh and crass, but the OP needs to take some serious responsibility. Yeah, of course everyone who is Poz should reveal their status before having unprotected sex with anyone (I'm certainly in agreement that the poz guy is a jerk), but seriously, it's 2013. Unless you are raped or drugged, if you have unprotected sex with someone you are not in a monogamous relationship with , you are consenting to the high risk possibility that you are going to be infected (a liar in a monogamous relationship is a different story). A person saying they are 'neg', DDF, or deflecting the question is just a word. Anyone can do it and the OP did a very STUPID and RISKY thing.

Attacking the top and not the OP will likely increase the chances he'll do this in the future with someone he again thinks is neg. If the OP wasn't so concerned about HIV and accepted the risk, then all I'd say is 'that's your choice'. But filing criminal charges against this guy (in this particular instance when it was consensual sex) is wrong and will not solve anything.

I hope things work out for him and that he is neg.

But this 'OMG I just had unprotected sex with a guy online I didn't know was poz' BS needs to stop.