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Confused about coming out. help?

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silentalk

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Hey yourdreamboy... And congrats on your first post :)

Unfortunately, no one can give you a straight answer for that but yourself. You have to weigh the probabilities and choose the one that, I guess, would do you less harm. If you think that you would be alienated, I would say stay in the closet.

Good Luck! :)
 
Everyone has to decide for themselves who to tell and when to tell them.

I understand why you feel awkward among your team mates.

Have they shown themselves to be homophobic? Is there a good chance they'd give you grief verbally or physically?

If so, I'd probably wait a while until I knew them a lot better. Then decide if one of them might be more open-minded and sort of become your ally. You could test the water with him, if you really believe you can trust his discretion.

If it were me, I'd be too frustratated having to play a role around them. What if you meet soemone you want to be with. Will you hide him away? Most boyfriends wouldn't care too much for that. And I could never play the "straight game", talking about hot girls and pretending I wanted to score with them.

In the end I'd say just give it some more time. Dont tell them you're gay, but don't play straight. See if, by the end of the semester or the beginning of next year, whether or not you're more comfortable with them, to make a more informed decision.
 
The point of coming out is to stop the cycle of lies that comes with living in the closet. It also allows people you love to be more involved in the parts of your life that they would get shut out of when you are in the closet.

If these are your teammates and not your close friends, there is no reason for you to say anything. Think of it this way- how interested are you in the details of their private life? Why should they be interested in yours?
 
If people don't accept you for who you are, in this case a gay man, then they aren't your friends. It sounds like you're already out to the people who matter to you. You don't have to walk into the locker room and proclaim you're gay to your teammates, all you have to do, if you want to, is correct them when they make a statement about you having girlfriend or something similar.
 
You're in a tough situation. If I were in your shoes, I would try to gage if the guys on the team are homophobic. I don't mean just the little gay comments that many guys make, but rather if they truly have a problem with gays. Bring up the topic of gay marriage and see their reaction.

Once you determine if your team mates / friends are homophobic or not, then you can make a decision. If they don't seem very homophobic, I would say come out to one or two that seem most accepting and ask their advice. If the group seems homophobic, then you need to decide if participating in the sport and keeping these guys as your friends is more important to you than living your life freely. Keep in mind, if the guys don't accept you for who you are, they aren't truly your friends.
 
If you don't tell someone your gay, your not lying to them. You are just not telling them something that is not their business. Don't lie about yourself, but don't offer any information either. If I was on your team and someone came in the locker room one day and said "I'm gay!" I think everyone would be like, wtf?

There is a difference between high school and college, I'm sure you are finding that out on your own, most people don't care what your sexual orientation is.

And like the others above me have said, "welcom to JUB".
 
Perhaps I can see your situation from a different vantage point. I have two college age children -- 18 and 20. When I made the decision to finally say, "I am gay" 2 1/2 years ago, I was terrified of what they might think. I had heard horror stories of others whose children disowned them; didn't speak to them; shunned or ignored them. I had always been very close to my son (20) and daughter (18).

I first decided to tell my son when he came to visit shortly after I moved to DC. He was with his girlfriend and I asked to take them to dinner to tell them something. As we sat down at the restaurant, she looked at me and asked, "are you going to tell us that you are gay?" My mouth dropped to the table and I was speechless (one of the rare times in life that that occurred!). My son looked at me and asked, "Is that all you were going to tell us?" We laughed; turned out his girlfriend's brother is gay and she was blessed with great gaydar! My son has been back many times and played football on the league in which I compete as well as going to parties with some of the guys on the team that are near his age. He's also gone to the gay clubs dancing (and picked up a girl!)

For my daughter, she came with her best friend who I had raised like a second daughter after her dad died. A couple of my friends dropped by and next thing I know they were on the computer showing my friend Stuart the hot gay guys that were in high school with them!

I have since met many of my son's college friends; played beer pong (with 21 year olds!); they've come to Florida and stayed at my condo and no one has a problem. I have found that young people are much more tolerant than older people.

I am sure that your teammates, if they are friends, will also admit they know other gay people. And if they are friends, they will accept you for who you are, not who you pretend to be. That said, I don't think you have to wrap yourself in a rainbow flag and run through the sports complex; but I wouldn't put on a mask and hide myself for college years. Unfortunately I did that and it is one thing that I do regret -- I think they would have been much more special and perhaps I would have met that special someone!
 
I think it was stupid to go back in the closet.

How can you expect straight men to accept your sexuality and be positive about it when you treat it as though its something you should lie about and be ashamed of.
 
SB is right. I feel like most people respect you more when you are open with it and don't act like you are hiding something. Just be yourself. I'm sure you hear that all the time. I do.
But!... being out also depends on where you live. Some places are a lot slower and more close minded than big cities. Don't be afraid. That is how homophobes want you to be.
I would start out telling the closest teammate to me. Then if word gets out to the others, you will already have one person on your side and it won't be such a big surprise to everyone. Don't force anything. Go with whatever naturally makes your worries disappear.
 
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