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Confused about relationship situation

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daniel92

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Hi guys,

So I started dating this dude in my hometown who I met through a mutual friend. For our first date we went to a nice restaurant and took out some food. He had a really sweet personality and I felt a nice connection with him. We went back to my apartment and chatted for a little while. He asked me what I thought about sex on the first date, and I explained that I preferred to wait a bit.

Anyway, after the dinner we went back to my place. He said he'd like to give me a massage. It was wonderful to have his warm hands massage every part of my body. Before I knew it, though, he pulled down my boxers and started fucking me. I was surprised but didn't want to "kill the moment" by stopping him. I let him finish.

He slept over that night. Just before I was about to fall asleep, he told me that he wanted to "cum again". I said no, but he just kept insisting and insisting saying that his sex drive was extremely high and it was torture for him not to have sex. We argued about this for ten minutes before I flopped on my side, pretending to sleep so that he'd stop insisting. In a flash he pulled down my boxers and was at it again. He was like a jack hammer; it was painful. I stopped him outright this time and was a little frustrated.

Anyway, for our next date (about a week later) we went out to a restaurant and came back to my place. We were supposed to watch a movie together but had some till to kill. I cuddling him and trying to kiss but he refused, saying that he feels uncomfortable with kissing. He explained that it doesn't feel totally right for two men to do that. Apparently he likes to "fuck" but feels uncomfortable with emotional intimacy. Anyway, he insisted that I "blow" him. I wanted to make him feel good so I did that. Then he insisted on "fucking" me and got upset when I refused gently. He cancelled our movie plans and insisted I drive him home.

Anyway, I feel frustrated right now. I want a relationship with this dude because I enjoy our chats together and he seems to have a nice personality. Am I being too much of a prude here? Should I "put out" more to save this relationship?
 
Why exactly do you think he has a "nice" personality? That sounds like it skirts the date rape line.

Move on.
 
TX-Beau said:
Why exactly do you think he has a "nice" personality? That sounds like it skirts the date rape line.

Move on.
Click to expand...

He can be quite sweet and nice in person. It's just that his sex drive seems to make him into a lustful beast ... I've never seen someone with such an aggressive sex drive. It's impossible to sit on a couch or lie on a bed with him without getting fondled by him ... and even after he cums he wants more, more, more. He says he jacks off four to five times a day. He literally begs for sex ... when I say "No" he will literally grovel for it.

So in a way I feel bad for him but at the same time his sex drive is just way too intense for me. Also I don't like his aggressive reactions when I deny sex, like cancelling our whole movie date. He becomes sullen and sulky if he doesn't get his sexual desires fulfilled at exactly the time and place he wants.

I have tried talking to him about this but when he's horny, he only thinks with his dick.
 
If one of your female friends came to you and said that a boyfriend had forced himself on her- more than once- and that the boyfriend seems to be a sex addict who make no effort to understand her feelings or return her affection... what would you say?

There's two people with problems in this scenario. His problem is that he's a sex addict and a date rapist. Your problem is called codependence. You have to break the cycle by sending this guy packing and getting the help that you need to stop your codependent behavior.
 
KaraBulut said:
If one of your female friends came to you and said that a boyfriend had forced himself on her- more than once- and that the boyfriend seems to be a sex addict who make no effort to understand her feelings or return her affection... what would you say?

There's two people with problems in this scenario. His problem is that he's a sex addict and a date rapist. Your problem is called codependence. You have to break the cycle by sending this guy packing and getting the help that you need to stop your codependent behavior.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your reply. I think it may be a problem of low self-worth. I just have this persistent negative inner feeling that I won't be able to get anyone better than this guy because my own self-image is quite low. As a result, my tolerance for inappropriate behaviors is excessively high. I hold on because I'm worried there's nothing better out there for me.
 
OK, Therapy. How willing are you to commit to changing that?
 
sounds to me like he doesn't give a dam about you. you told him no sex on the first date and he disregards your feelings twice by forcing himself on you. I would have kicked his ass out after you told him no and he fucks you anyway! his ass would have been walking home too. no way in hell I'd have given him a ride. I understand your feelings of low self esteem etc. I'm there myself but I would not let some jerk treat me like a sex toy. tell this ass hat to lose your number. there's no doubt in my mind he's having sex with random hookups etc. if he's that addicted to sex he's not being monogamous. it doesn't sound like you were using condoms so it's best if you get tested regularly. remember thers other diseases than hiv. a sweet guy would have respected your wishes from the beginning not force himself on you twice and then get pissy when you wouldn't put out. you can do a lot better than this guy.

Steven
 
daniel92 said:
I'm committed. I will pursue therapy!
Click to expand...
Good. It's the key to helping you break the cycle.

It's important that you get this guy out of your life. It takes little effort for these relationships to become increasingly abusive and possibly even physically violent.
 
There seems to be under the radar, subconscious elements at work when it comes to romantic pairings--addicts and co-dependents, abusers and low self esteem individuals, etc.

I'm so glad you've self identified and are willing to find a recovery path. Healthy relationships stem from equals who are able to communicate and make joint decisions. Anytime there is ongoing oneupmanship of any kind one person's self-worth is eroded while the other person's abuse escalates.

Do not engage with this person. You are not ment to be a human fleshlight.
 
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