Confused after my first hookup

[funfun]

Hi I'm 21, average appearance, and was up till recently, bi-curious. I've fantasised about being with a guy and jacked off to gay porn as well as straight.

Hooked up with a guy off craigslist, in my very first try at it (beginner's luck)!
He looked and sounded normal, was a bit older at 26, and wanted to be very discreet. He said it was his second time, and appeared pretty very turned on (I think, because he mentioned he preferred asians, which I am). We fondled each other a bit, and then did oral in a 69. I sort of approached it clinically, more experimenting with a new experience than being passionate. Problem was, I couldn't get hard. I was mentally prepared to be turned on, but my body didn't want to cooperate

He was cut, 7.5"ish and I managed to take most of it as he fucked my face
He lay down and asked me to fuck him, but I just ended up wasting a condom.
I wanted to try what anal felt like, and as I played with my ass a couple
times before, felt I could take him. He was pretty gentle but it was a damn tight fit, but I stuck it out and he came fairly quickly (into his condom). Felt pretty intense in a good way while he was inside me.

Afterwards he fingered me while i tried to jack off, but was STILL soft
We spooned a bit, then he cleaned up and left. I dunno if I may have put him off by not getting an erection.

I also sorta got excited with the thought that my body/actions turned someone else on. Is this normal? I used to have, and still do, (to a lesser extent) a poor self body image.

I enjoyed the physical contact, but wonder why i didn't get an erection? I'm usually pretty horny and masturbate twice a day, but this week haven't been doing so, less than once a day at most.

Does this mean

a) I'm not actually bi
b) not attracted to him
c) nervous with regards to new experience?
d) just stressed out that week?
e) require previous emotional bond to form before sexual attractiveness develop?

I'm confused as to whether I should try hooking up with someone else, or do it with him again later? I didn't intend to do anal at first, but then realised i may not get this kind of opportunity again. I may seem weird to believe I did all this for my first time, but I'm DO watch too much porn

Anyways, dislike current inner turmoil, and would like assistance in sorting it out.

Thanks for reading this.

PS
How long does it take for the sore ass feeling to go away?

 

[Kirbster66]

I think it's most likely C. Being your first time, it'd be natural to be nervous, something which can cause lack of erection. You can't predict erection problems, and while it's disappointing for both parties, it's perfectly normal. Only if it happens regularly should you be concerned.

The ass soreness can vary depending on how hard you were fucked and (rarely) if any tearing occurred while being fucked. Try soaking a warm tub for a while if you're still sore.

 

[G-Lexington]

You say "bi-curious", but don't mention if you've had much (or any) experience with women. I'm going to assume you haven't, or else I would've expected to see a "I never have had this problem with women" part of your post. In that case, I think it's pretty clear what happened.

You admit "I do watch too much porn", and suggest you masturbate roughly twice a day. (Or roughly once, and gently once. ) If you're 21 now, and you started doing this when you were...oh, 15, say... that means you've had six years to train your brain.

If you're like most folks, you masturbate in private. You watch porn, you jerk off, you clean up, hide the evidence, go back to living. If somebody interrupts you, you quickly jump up and do that "nope, nothing to see here!" frenzied dance. In short, you've programmed your brain to think "sex is a solitary activity. If somebody else shows up, shut down."

So you finally hook up with somebody, he's ready to go. But there's just one problem - there's this GUY there!

How to move beyond it? Well, knowing is half the battle. (Yo Joe.) Now that you know what's going on, you won't be so freaked out if and when it happens again. Secondly, just accept it. Tell your next would-be bed partner that you're very inexperienced when it comes to interpersonal sex right now, and as such, you experienced some "performance anxiety" the first time you hooked up. Because of that, you might not get hard, and you might not climax. But you of course will do what you can to make sure HE gets off.

Then, next time you're with a guy, ask if he'll help out. Go ahead and play around, and get him off however you're both comfortable with. Then ask if he can just hold you. Sit on the bed, have him sit behind you, and just cradle you a bit. At that point, you go ahead and start jerking off. Feel free to close your eyes and think of porn. You might be able to get hard, you might reach orgasm, or you might not. If not, just stop, shrug, say "Guess he's not up to it tonight", and thank him for a great time. Repeat at your next encounter until you DO get off, which I feel won't be too long in coming.

Lex

 

[racer2438]

The answer is C.

you need to be more releaxed, but but having hook ups with people you dont know and are not yet confortable yet with could also be a factor..

 

[hotatlboi]

If you're like most folks, you masturbate in private. You watch porn, you jerk off, you clean up, hide the evidence, go back to living. If somebody interrupts you, you quickly jump up and do that "nope, nothing to see here!" frenzied dance. In short, you've programmed your brain to think "sex is a solitary activity. If somebody else shows up, shut down."

So you finally hook up with somebody, he's ready to go. But there's just one problem - there's this GUY there!

As usual, Lex is right on the money here.

 

[rareboy]

I had this problem at the start when I was about 20.

then I learned how to relax and let someone give me as much pleasure as I could give them.

When I finally was fucking someone I loved, no more performance anxiety by the way.

 

[jensu846]

If your head isnt clear upstairs, then your head downstairs wont be either. In other words, I would chalk it up to nerves. relax next time & see what happens. good luck!

 

[gotdimples77]

I'm guessing C too. The ass soreness will get more manageable as you get practice with which muscles in your ass to work with too.

 

[funfun]

Thanks for the responses guys, especially you Lex, that is freakishly good advice. I have had hetro sex once before, and it was ok, until she started pulling too hard XD

 

[Nomenclature]

That's one of the most common things that can go wrong when a guy's nervous or depressed, too: He can't get a boner. There's nothing wrong with you, but now that you've gotten the first time jitters out of the way, you should try it with someone you're comfortable with and can trust.


I'm curious, though: Did you enjoy being intimate with another dude? Do you now consider yourself bi, or still curious?

 

[funfun]

Yes I still enjoyed, partial fulfillment of a fantasy is better than not experiencing or not having the guts to start experimenting.

I think I am still curious, but will be looking see if I can form an emotional attachment with a guy first, before finally settling on a label. I'm unsure how you define being bi; does it mean, thinking certain, specific people of each gender as hot, or being ok with the idea of forming relationships with both genders?

 

[HunterM]

Don't worry too much about labeling yourself. You're exploring. Try out apples one day and bananas on another day. You enjoy sex! Don't we all? Practice makes perfect. You'll find your preferences soon enough. Sex is better when you know that person and connect with her or him emotionally. Relax, be playful and have fun.