Confused and about to give up...

[tracker637]

Hi..
so here's the story...
im from the Philippines and went to grad school here in the US...
wasn't entirely out back home.. Although had a few relationships.. Longest was a year and a half.... It's only here that I got the chance to use gay apps... Ever since I was on there, all the guys who were interested were only wanting to do hookups... I had some, but left confused and emotionally drained after.. I got a chance to talk to this guy on grindr... He's a nice guy and easy to talk to. I thought we were hitting it off because we really liked our conversations. But then I said I wanted to meet up... He agreed, but flaked out saying that he wasn't ready... That he doesn't like the idea of meeting guys personally online.. I saw him before on campus... I don't want to stalk him either. I just told him to tell me whenever he is ready. I felt really bad.. I was starting to cook something too.. So that I can let him eat something when he comes over..

Attached my pics too

 

[tracker637]

If you're in public, how can you let other guys know you're gay :/
I'm not feminine and people are always surprised to know that I'm gay ..
Any advice?

 

[tracker637]

Yeah! I'll do that then what should I do there?
What do you usually do in a club?

 

[Telstra]

Dating is too much work.
Just sleep together ....

 

[Seasoned]

Back in my day we'd all bitch about clubs because all people wanted to do was hook up. Let's face it. More people put themselves "out there" because they want sex. Meeting people to date is like walking through thigh high grass. It's exhausting, or can be, until you find a like minded person. Any place whether online or in a real place where gay men meet to socialize, hooking up will be the goal for most. Perhaps it's time to join a campus organization, a gay chorus, gay men's book club, sports club, etc. where there is a multi-faceted purpose behind getting together with others.

 

[Rolyo85]

I have had nothing but success with apps, and I hate bars/clubs, because they are loud and you can't communicate.

Just to offer an opposite perspective. Apps are successful for a reason.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Like Seasoned said, you should try out what works for you.

Unfortunately, that means making loads and loads of mistakes (for years and years), and sadly it can even mean what you are looking for isn't anywhere near you.

 

[tracker637]

@rolyo85: any advice to be more successful with apps?
@harke: yeah I guess I just need to be more patient. And explore more. I'm stuck here for 5 years.. So I have yo find something near here.. Not really able to travel though.

I'm feeling less confident about myself too, getting a decent guy is like pulling teeth..

 

[Rolyo85]

Well, the only advice about apps is - be thickskinned. There are decent people everywhere, and there are assholes everywhere, and everywhere the assholes are a lot more. You have to be able to not take it personally when someone is an asshole to you. Other than that - make conversation. Nobody likes a guy that chats you up with "hi". I can't do anything with "hi". Try to find something about their profile (picture, text, anything) to comment on, make a joke, ask a question about. If there is nothing, then say something about yourself when they ask you how you're doing.

But those are just general guidelines. The only trick there is to the apps is patience, and the awareness that if YOU are there, then someone else like you also is.

 

[thesantos]

I've met different guys on CL and through chat sites. I did have that weird/shame feeling afterword (as soon as we would cum, I would want them out the door).

Now, those are my own issues to deal with and it's not the fault of the other individual. Every time I had a guy over, we made clear what our boundaries were and i've been lucky that everyone has respected that.

If you are looking for a true friend to hang with regularly or even a relationship, it's just like every thing else. You have to be honest with yourself and everyone else and you have to get out there. Find groups of like minded people and go from there.

Heterosexual relationships are just as difficult as homosexual or bi-sexual relationships. But, the same principles always apply.

Be around people that see the positive things in you. Good luck.