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Confused and looking for some advice

kayman23

kayman23

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To give some dynamics of our situation, he is in a relationship with somebody else a girl, but he has told me in confidence that he is not happy with her at all. He usually describes her in detail as the "She-beast", "crazy bitch", etc. I initially just took that as a typical fustrated heterosexual male in a disgruntle relationship. However, over the past 3-4 weeks, he has started to show:

1)Interest in my well-being, such as when I was hurt, he was showing signs of concern for me. Also we I almost choked he was trying to save me, and was there for me afterwards to make sure I was OK.

2)He has taken notice that of my moods and specific parts of my personality such as how often I do certain things and why. Also how I usually am initiating a conversation with him and how I am "the happiest person" he knows.

3)He has told me about his childhood, his relationship with his parents and his father's death, and the way he is not happy except when hanging out with me.

4) He is always making eye contact with me more than any other guy I know. He will stare dead into my eyes when I am telling him something or vice versa when he is telling me something.

5) He thrives off the attention I give him. If I'm not paying him any attention he will take notice and react in either by not talking at all to anyone else or he will stare at me and make crazy statements to get me to react.

I know as most of you read this some of you probably have experienced a similar situation and would understand. Well, to be honest, I never have experience such, and I don't know what to do. I really enjoy his company, but I don't understand the ambiguity surrounding his sexuality. I've even sat on the bed with him while studying and not once he did react as most heterosexual guys would and move. He actually stayed there and didn't mind. His actions makes one wonder about about if he is at least "curious", but then he has stated that "he's not gay".

I really don't know what I do as all this thing have put me in a conundrum with my feelings. I have started to develop feelings for him and he has shown that he cares about me as well, but as long as he stays in his current situation I don't think I could act upon my feelings for him. :confused:
 
i'm confused is this guy bi? does he know youre gay?

looking into some ones eyes when they talk is respectful. when i have a conversation with some one i always look them in the eyes, or at their mouth.

as far as talking about his past, and his GF, and not moving when you sit close. that is what good friends do. i notice when my friends are pissed off and i will ask them, whats wrong. we talk about our past growing up, GF problems, it's just some one to talk and vent to about things that are on your mind.


i wouldn't read to much into it, unless you have already fooled around with him.
 
Nothing you described sounded particularly gay. It sounds like a normal friend.
 
Sounds like he is comfortable with you and being a good friend. If he knows you are gay and acts this way, it well could be he is comfortable with his and your sexuality. Nothing that he has done is a clear indication of anything.

I would just consider him a good friend and don't act on your feelings, in fact, just stay on the friend level. If anything were to develop let him do it.
 
>>>as long as he stays in his current situation I don't think I could act upon my feelings for him.

Good. Hold fast to this. Until he frees himself from this woman, and says he has feelings for you, assume he's straight and off-limits, no matter how many "clues" you might find. But be happy you've got a good friend. :)

Lex
 
mascbiguy said:
i'm confused is this guy bi? does he know youre gay?

looking into some ones eyes when they talk is respectful. when i have a conversation with some one i always look them in the eyes, or at their mouth.

as far as talking about his past, and his GF, and not moving when you sit close. that is what good friends do. i notice when my friends are pissed off and i will ask them, whats wrong. we talk about our past growing up, GF problems, it's just some one to talk and vent to about things that are on your mind.


i wouldn't read to much into it, unless you have already fooled around with him.
Click to expand...

The answer to your question is no, he doesn't know about me being bi.
 
G-Lexington said:
>>>as long as he stays in his current situation I don't think I could act upon my feelings for him.

Good. Hold fast to this. Until he frees himself from this woman, and says he has feelings for you, assume he's straight and off-limits, no matter how many "clues" you might find. But be happy you've got a good friend. :)

Lex
Click to expand...

Ok, I certainly will do that. All my other friends have given similar advice, so thanks again, Lex. ..|
 
Yeah, pretty much what others have said. This guy is a good friend. Ive done the same thing with alot of my good straight friends. I honestly won't look into it that much.
 
5) He thrives off the attention I give him. If I'm not paying him any attention he will take notice and react in either by not talking at all to anyone else or he will stare at me and make crazy statements to get me to react.
Click to expand...

He usually describes her in detail as the "She-beast", "crazy bitch", etc.
Click to expand...

Well, he's either closet case still in denial or a head case, or maybe just really, really, really immature. He's feeding off your adoration and attention. There are 1078 threads on this board that deal with guys that want their sex with a woman, but the bromance with their buddies.

Just treat him like a good guy friend and seek your pleasures elsewhere.
 
kayman23 said:
To give some dynamics of our situation, he is in a relationship with somebody else a girl, but he has told me in confidence that he is not happy with her at all. He usually describes her in detail as the "She-beast", "crazy bitch", etc. I initially just took that as a typical fustrated heterosexual male in a disgruntle relationship. However, over the past 3-4 weeks, he has started to show:

1)Interest in my well-being, such as when I was hurt, he was showing signs of concern for me. Also we I almost choked he was trying to save me, and was there for me afterwards to make sure I was OK.

2)He has taken notice that of my moods and specific parts of my personality such as how often I do certain things and why. Also how I usually am initiating a conversation with him and how I am "the happiest person" he knows.

3)He has told me about his childhood, his relationship with his parents and his father's death, and the way he is not happy except when hanging out with me.

4) He is always making eye contact with me more than any other guy I know. He will stare dead into my eyes when I am telling him something or vice versa when he is telling me something.

5) He thrives off the attention I give him. If I'm not paying him any attention he will take notice and react in either by not talking at all to anyone else or he will stare at me and make crazy statements to get me to react.

I know as most of you read this some of you probably have experienced a similar situation and would understand. Well, to be honest, I never have experience such, and I don't know what to do. I really enjoy his company, but I don't understand the ambiguity surrounding his sexuality. I've even sat on the bed with him while studying and not once he did react as most heterosexual guys would and move. He actually stayed there and didn't mind. His actions makes one wonder about about if he is at least "curious", but then he has stated that "he's not gay".

I really don't know what I do as all this thing have put me in a conundrum with my feelings. I have started to develop feelings for him and he has shown that he cares about me as well, but as long as he stays in his current situation I don't think I could act upon my feelings for him. :confused:
Click to expand...

What you have described sounds like he wants to connect you the way a lover does -- and that he wants you. (He can say whatever he will about his own sexuality. His actions are speaking louder than his words. Right?)

Since you're admitting to a mutual attraction, the only thing left to consider is the fact that he's unavailable.

Do you want all the trouble that lies ahead?
 
Sounds like a really good friend. It sucks liking someone, that we hang on every word an gesture looking for a sign, while we might pass on a good friendship.
 
kayman23 said:
T5) He thrives off the attention I give him.
Click to expand...

Men who play games are so tired.

If he's not happy with the girl, he should get rid of her.. not use you for some ego-boosting attention and go back to her.

Go find yourself a guy who gives and doesn't just take.
 
CoolBlue71 said:
What you have described sounds like he wants to connect you the way a lover does -- and that he wants you. (He can say whatever he will about his own sexuality. His actions are speaking louder than his words. Right?)

Since you're admitting to a mutual attraction, the only thing left to consider is the fact that he's unavailable.

Do you want all the trouble that lies ahead?
Click to expand...

I don't know, I truly don't know.

A friend described it as a train wreck waiting to happen, and that it is better for me to wait and let him come around. She also said it is better for me to just be a good friend to him and let him mature b/c his maturity level is not the same as mine since he has no gut to end his relationship while tagging you along.
 
It MAY be that he is interested in you, but it could also be that since he's in a bad relationship, he's grown to depend on your friendship(which is not unnecessarily a sign of immaturity), which can be very unhealthy for both parties.

It happens every so often with this guy at my work. Every so often I hear him talking about hot chicks that are in the store, and every so often he does something like stare at me, and once he commented on my 'beautiful brown eyes', exactly how he put it.

Anyway, WAIT AND SEE. If and when he breaks up with his gf, he may do more of the actions you've described above, with more added, and he may distance himself from you because he is out of a bad relationship and is desperate to find a new one.

But if you feel like talking to him about it, do so. In a situation like this, you can't really follow other people's advice.
 
Alright, have an update on my situation.

Some peculiar situations have occured recently also:

1) It was raining a few weeks ago, and I had and umbrella and he didn't. So he got under the umbrella with me. OK, his girlfriend also came up and there was enough room in the umbrella for all 3 of us to stand under it, and she stood under it while walking with us to my car. However, all the sudden she pull out from under it and decides to walk out in the rain leaving me and him under the umbrella, AWKWARD. :confused: Then he jumps in the front seat of my car and neglects to even open the door for his own girlfriend.

2) Lately, he has seemed to have a habit of putting his leg next to mine and leaving it there long periods of times. Sometimes he will pull away, but others he will leave it. A number times he has literally invaded my personal space to the point he will be leaning on me at times.

3) We were having a conversation about bumpstickers, and he decides to bring up a bumperstick with the slogan "Like to suck man's balls" as a recommendation.

4) He was arguing with me and I told him if he didn't quit I would hit him with a waterbottle and he makes the recommendation that I pour the water all over his shirt.

I mean this situations are very peculiar.

I have still been dealing with some of own feelings so much that it has become visibly awkward. I still don't know what exactly I feel for him.

He asked me today why I'm haven't been myself lately. Once again he started talking about things he notices about me. :confused:

However, I have noticed that most friends that have had a chance to either see him in person or see his profile on Facebook and MySpace said that he doesn't seem str8 to them.

I have made the decision I'm going to tell him that I'm bisexual b/c I'm tired of hiding myself to him. But I'm not going to reveal my regard/feelings towards him yet.

To get to the point, I want to know from you guys, how should I try to "come out" about my sexuality to him?
 
>>>how should I try to "come out" about my sexuality to him?

Next time he tells you to pour water all over his shirt, do it.

Lex
 
I did it, I came out to him via e-mail b/c he asked me what was wrong. Now, I'm nervous as hell what his reaction in person is going to be. I'm scared this is going to change the dynamics of our friendship.
 
Yeah, the dynamics areso great now, eh?

I think changing the dynamics of your relationship is probably the goal here.
 
Yeah, it is great now. However, there is still some mystery surrounding his personality that worries me about his reaction to this such as him distancing himself from me.
 
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