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Confused Bi-sexual (long post/ if you have time)

C

conwelljerry

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Hi all -
I have briefly posted on here before about this - however I am still in need of advice. I apologize in advance for the lengthy post, but I am desperate and like to provide as much detail as possible. I am a 22 year old bi-sexual male (closeted).

When I was growing up in transition from middle school to high school I was always attracted to girls - would fantasize during class about dating/being with a particular girl, etc. However my best friend at the time had introduced me to masturbation, which grew into giving each other handjobs and an occasional blowjob (which I hear is actaully not all that uncommon for young boys). Anyway, since then I have always had a heavy biases towards fantasizing about being sexually active with guys - ONLY completely straight looking and masculine. I still always wanted to date girls however. I always felt guilt and shame and got depressed for doing so (although recently I have learned to accept the fact.)

This all changed about 2 years ago when I met the girl of my dreams, Kelly. She was my first love and I was never more happy in my entire life. We were sexually active and, although she never knew it, I never was able to ejaculate with her (i would slip the condom off and throw it away). I was always able to get her off and I did find vaginal intercourse very pleasurable. Most importantly, for me, was that the 9 months that I was with her I NEVER thought about guys, nor did I ever masturbate to guys. To "clear the tubes" I would masturbate later thinking about us having sex and they were incredible orgasms. We eventually broke up over a family conflict and since then I have gone back to my old "masturbatory" ways.

Flash to present time and I am now in desperate need of a girlfriend - I LOVED life when I was with Kelly and presently find myself in a depressed state. The problems:

(a) Do you think that I can not cum with a girl because my first orgasm was with a guy, even though I do find hetero sex very enjoyable? Perhaps failure to explore my true fantasies? I find this attribute about me very troubling and the most confusing. :confused:

(b) Do you think there are many girls out there that would be okay being with a bi-sexual guy? Presently, my confidence is shot because of fear of rejection. I mean I want to date girls, yet before I got to bed I'm on Corbin Fisher and Amateur Straight Guys? I wish I had the balls to tell Kelly I was bi....](*,)

Lastly, I have never been with any guys - merely fantasties. ANY thoughts/comments/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys - JUB is a great community!
 
Hey Conwell...
I'm sorry to hear about your problem. I wish things were easier for us in life. I can relate to your problem in a backdoor sort of way..lol. My first love was with a girl, and I actually married that women. I guess I forgot to mention that I am a gay male. I have been ever since I can remember. I only dated her because I was overweight and had no self esteem. I never got any attention for guys or girls til her at age 16. I grew up in a strict christian home so I was afraid to become openly gay and when I met my future wife I ran with it. I was only able to cum with her if I was thinking about guys. I would fantazie that I was fucking a dude but the sex felt great with her. Just couldn't pop the cork unless I was imagining sex with dudes. I don't think you need to dwell on the past and beating yourself up over not telling kelly that you are bi. I also don't think you should be worring about guys/girls. You might not like sex with guys, you haven't even done anything with them yet. You should try to explore your sexuality a bit deeper. I'm not saying go out and have a one night stand with a guy but let life happen for you. Your a young guy and if your attracted to both men and women you might not beable to be 100% completely happy unless your open and exploring whats out their. Don't worry so much about this or that. Have some life experiance's and don't be afraid to pursue some sexual contact with a guy. If you want to talk further or more personally PM me. I have no problem trying to help out a fellow Jubber in need. (*8*)
 
Sometimes, I think to be bi and young is to be confused. Other times, I think to pretend that I am not bi or that things will somehow magically rectify themselves in the future is to be deluded. I'm in a similar boat to you, conwelljerry, in that the majority of my experience lies with women. While I have never had any problems getting off in those instances, I would hazard a guess that your problem may be less an issue of attraction and moreso an issue of trust. Simply put, you are not "releasing" yourself in that moment. As you have stated, you are attracted to Kelly, but you cannot bring yourself to fullfillment when you actually with her. The "being with her" seems to be an operative factor. Telling her the truth might allow you to overcome that problem, provided that your relationship with her is the key factor.

Of course, it could also be that you are in fact more attracted to guys, or only guys. Since your experience in that realm is limited, and you're still young, it's hard to say for certain. Should you choose to explore your attraction with guys, you may run the risk of exposure, or being outed. I have been fortunate, perhaps unfortunate, in that regard, as both of the men I have been with were remarkably closed mouthed (the first was gay and out of my social group, the other was straight, perhaps curious, and perhaps afraid of that).

What I do know for certain is that you should seek out a few trusted friends that you feel can handle the truth about you (in this regard). Although the majority of my friends do not know I am bi, a handful do, and it is to them that I turn to in times of crisis.

Lastly, it helped, for me at least, to think about why I was attracted to men and women. Are there any differences, or similiarities, that you are looking for across gender, or do you feel that men and women complete you in different ways?

Grasping one's sexuality can be a struggle; hopefully, it will be rewarding.:D
 
Hi all -
Thanks for all your feedback! Its comforting to know that I am not alone in my quest to pinpoint my true sexuality. I have to be at work now and will respond more in depth and respond to my PM's when I get home later. Again, thanks guys - JUB truly is a fantastic community.

CJ
:wave:
 
I'm a bi-guy and while my experience isn't quite the same as yours I can relate. I too once had one girl that I liked but the minute the condom was on, the party was over. In retrospect it had to do with feelings of guilt (I dumped someone else to be with her) that was cutting things short. The actuality of the fact that your first experience with a guy is not your problem, but feelings of guilt may be. Coming to terms with yourself is no easy task.

Are there are a lot of girls who can tolerate a bi guy? Well, I don't know, but every girl I've been with since I was 18 has known I was bi, and vice versa. And none of them have dumped me for it. If someone doesn't want to be with you because of something that is integral to your sense of self (your sexuality) then do you really want to be with that person? My wife is annoyed when I look at gay porn only when I should be doing something else like mowing the lawn... She's fine with porn and likes straight porn but finds gay porn boring. Crazy!

A personal aside that may clear things up for you. Whenever I'm with a woman I find myself fantasizing about men, but when I'm with a guy, I fantasize about women. I look at it like this: if I had a slice of pizza, I'd want a coke, right? So if I get nothing but pizza, I'm going to really want coke. It's not easy to deal with, but you just do it!
 
Hi, con! ;) How are you, sweetie?

I’m no Dr. Phil, LOL, but let me tell you what I hear. On the sexuality scale, you are 80% or 90% to girls, you are not even close to.being bi. However, the fact that you experimented with guys, which is quite normal, as you know, and did not tell Kelly is what is messing you up. Didn’t you two ever discuss sexual histories? I bet she’s done a little girl/girl, I’d say 50% of girls experiment.

I’m bi, and I’d kill for a bi boyfriend, we could go to an adult bookstore together and suck cocks! hehe

T
 
"If someone doesn't want to be with you because of something that is integral to your sense of self (your sexuality) then do you really want to be with that person?" - Thanks Fraf, I needed that!

Again thanks all for you input. I should add some more observations of mine:
* Please do not be offended by anything I say. This was an issue last time I had posted a while back. If I do offend, I apologize - it is not my intent.

- For me, ONLY females can provide the emotional/romantic piece of a relationship. My attraction to males is merely sexual. This is why I was so happy with my ex-g/f - I felt as if I had found a soul mate, like I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. And remember I NEVER masturbated or thought about gay porn the 9 months I was with her!! I strongly doubt I could fhave such an intimate bond with a guy.

- When I have hetero sex, it is ALWAYS about them (which I am sure works the same for homosexual sex!) . For me, I get excited when I know my partner is getting off. Perhaps this might have something to do my not cumming (or perhaps just incredible stamina?? LOL) Comments? How ironic that even while I struggle with my own sexuality, I'm willing to bet I have a better success rate at bringing females to orgasm than some "straight guys"!

Lastly, if everyone could be as open, mature, and "down to earth" about sexuality as the JUB community, we as a society would be SOOOOO much better off!!! :=D: Masturbation is a sin...LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
 
OrionNorthFL said:
Both! Plus, my boyfriend is bi-curious and wants his first time with a girl. Unfortunately, finding a girl that would be "into" that is very hard!!! :(
Click to expand...

Hi, Or! ;) Unfortunately, I cant really help you out, I've got boyfriend and I'm not really into casual sex, casual petting, yes, but not all the way. That situation sounds fun, tho. :wave:

T
 
Hi, con! ;) Some more serious:

- For me, only guys "do it," one day, I’ll get married and have kids. Girls are sex toys. Yes, I feel guilty when I am with a girl. The way I work around that is to be totally honest with the girl and my guy as to what is going on, just sex. I often wonder whether I’m truly bi or just horny! LOL
- For me, the best sex is when the peeps are in it for themselves. If I’m getting my pussy licked, if that guy or girl is doing it for me, the pressure is on me to enjoy it. I’d much prefer to hear “Oh, * slurp * I love * slurp * your pussy!” hehe
- For me, if I’m having pizza, I want more pizza. If I’m having Coke, I want more Coke. Life’s funny, huh? LOL

T
 
I find that I am on the other side of the coin from you, I have loads of experince with guys, but fantasies about girls. I want to find a girl to date but I have no idea about taking the first step, no hetro-confidence. There have been several girls that I would have loved to ask out, but was too shy to do so, and I am not a shy or modest person, also I am afraid that I will somehow hurt the girl, if she finds out that I have been with guys.

Another issue for me is everyone thinks of me as gay, I don't think my best friends could handle me being bi, so I can't turn to them for advise.

I look at it this way, I date for love, I will know when the person is right and the time is right. Until then I just sit back, enjoy the fantasies, and try not to be afraid to look like a fool. (*8*)
 
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