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Confused- Girlfriends Brother

A

Alan-Smithee

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Hello, I've got myself into a situation and just wondering if I could get some advice.

ok so back story, I'm 18 from England and have been dating my current girlfriend for 4 years since I was 14ish. I'm bi but no-one except my best mate knows.

Anyway, about a month ago my girlfriend went away for a weekend. I went out on the lash with a few mates on the Saturday night and bumped into my lasses brother, Adam. I've always got on well with him, small talk about football, the odd pint down the pub etc. Anyway, we met back up towards the end of the night to get taxi back together as we live in the same street. Went into his to have some more drinks and we ended up kissing and fooling around. He was telling me that he'd fancied me for ages and Abi (my gf) was so lucky.

Now it would've been alright if it was a one off but I started falling for him and we started meeting up to have sex and chat. I'd never cheated in my life but it just felt right in a way.

So now I have a problem, I love 2 different people and they're brother and sister. Either decision has a chance of breaking up their family and if I choose Abi then Adam might tell her and I'd be on my own.
 
I know that this is going to sound like a stupid question, but who do you want most? Abi or Adam?

You obviously have four years vested in your relationship with Abi, but now you're macking with her brother when she's out of town?

Brothers and Sisters can keep secrets from each other for years, and so long as you're presence implies that you might someday be Abi's Husband, while her brother has been secretly lusting after you for years, and you're giving her brother what he wants, the question remains, what do you want?

You won't break up their family.

In fact you'll become the blame or problem.

You're going to have to Man up, and decide this one for yourself.

You cheated on your girlfriend with HER brother!

WTF?

Pray for college out of town, remain friends with both of them until then, and you'll find that there are so many other people out there in the world who'll be all but to eager to help you find your place in all of this.

For now, you've set yourself up for some serious DRAMA, and ONLY you can control this situation.
 
The smart thing would be to end the relationship with both of them cordially as possible and then give your a head a good shake and don't do these super stupid risky things. You're playing nasty with people's lives.
That's my 2 cents worth.
 
>>>I'd never cheated in my life but it just felt right in a way.

If cheating feels "right", something is very wrong.

Lex
 
To be fair I was absolutely shitfaced when it first happened and nothing would have happened if I was sober. Afterwards I just couldn't say no. It was my first gay experience and it felt new and exciting. Me and Abi have had a rocky few months, she did Camp America over the summer and had a thing with a lad there, I'm not using it as an excuse just mentioning it. We'd just about worked everything out.
 
G-Lexington said:
>>>I'd never cheated in my life but it just felt right in a way.

If cheating feels "right", something is very wrong.

Lex
Click to expand...

Hardly. If he actually is falling for her brother, like, in love, then you can't really put morals past love. He shouldn't CONTINUE cheating on her, but i understand where he's coming from.
 
Richardodessa said:
The smart thing would be to end the relationship with both of them cordially as possible and then give your a head a good shake and don't do these super stupid risky things. You're playing nasty with people's lives.
That's my 2 cents worth.
Click to expand...

Yup. That's the way it is.
 
Richardodessa said:
The smart thing would be to end the relationship with both of them cordially as possible and then give your a head a good shake and don't do these super stupid risky things. You're playing nasty with people's lives.
That's my 2 cents worth.
Click to expand...

I agree with this, it's the right thing to do. You messed up but you can still prevent further damage. They're brother and sister and you staying with either of them is going to tear them apart. It hurts but don't be selfish and take responsibility for your actions.
 
>>>Hardly. If he actually is falling for her brother, like, in love, then you can't really put morals past love.

Yes, you can. And you should. We can't guide our emotions, but we can guide our actions. When he found himself developing feelings for the brother, and finding out that the feelings were returned, the best move would've been to say "If we want to make a go of this, I'll have to break up with your sister before we proceed." Far too many people feel that "love" can justify their actions.

>>>To be fair I was absolutely shitfaced when it first happened and nothing would have happened if I was sober.

Oh, and booze. That justifies our actions, too.

Lex
 
Well it looks like little brother has wanted you for some time. He shouldn't have betrayed his sister either. So he puts his plan in motion the second he finds you vulnerable and drunk. This says more about him, than it does about you. Take a step back and figure out what YOU really want.
 
Alan-Smithee said:
To be fair I was absolutely shitfaced when it first happened and nothing would have happened if I was sober. Afterwards I just couldn't say no. It was my first gay experience and it felt new and exciting. Me and Abi have had a rocky few months, she did Camp America over the summer and had a thing with a lad there, I'm not using it as an excuse just mentioning it. We'd just about worked everything out.
Click to expand...

And???

Care to elaborate?
 
Someone is going to get hurt in this triad, pure and simple. Possibly all three of you. How you go about it is the question. Either you break up with her, don't see him anymore and exit their lives, or sit down with the both of them and fess up. It's going to be ugly either way, no way around it.
 
This is going to end badly.

*pulls up a chair*
 
I've told the brother that we can't see each other anymore. He didn't take it badly but did say he doesn't think he'll be able to be around me and Abi.

Still undecided about whether to split with Abi and start a fresh, just going with the flow atm.
 
You need to split with her too. He already said he can't handle seeing the two of you together. This has doomed your relationship, no matter how much you and Abi love each other. You will always live with the fear that someday, her brother is going to tell the truth. It could be years from now, it could be on a wedding day, it could be at any moment of the day. You won't be able to lie about it, you won't be able to cover it up any longer. It will be horrible, terrible, and disastrous.

I would break up with her. How you do it is your choice. Either tell her the truth and deal with the drama, or just bs your way out of the breakup and forget about them. Trust me, he'll tell her afterwards.
 
is her brother hot? just wondering...yeah cheating was wrong, but things happen now you have to man up as many have said and face the consequences.
 
Too late to "man up," he should have done that before he hurt somebody.

My opinion, the brother is ticking time bomb, the more he sees the two of you together, the more pissed off he's going to get. One day, he's gonna pop.
 
I think you should break up with Abi. Regardless of how you feel about her brother (although you seem to fancy him), you seem to wanna branch out more, which is understandable and probably good for you and your gf, since you've been together since you were 14.
 
yeah man time to move on. Adam sounds jealous and will eventually tell all and you don't want to be around when that happens. If you move on, chances are he will too and no one will probably ever know. You can chalk the whole thing down to experience of why you don't mess with lover's siblings. Tell abi you need some space and break it off with her, before she gets hurt. Remember she's the innocent party here and you should respect that. She'll get over you breaking up but she's going to get really screwed up emotionally when she finds out what really happened and if you stick around it will come out eventually. If you care about her feelings then act the man and move on.
 
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