Confused? Heartbroken :-(

[Liam84215]

So I had recently connected with a guy online. It seemed like things were really going well. I felt we made a connection. We even talked on the phone. But as time went by, all he ever wants to do now is get off and talk about sex. Nothing about a relationship. And usually when he does get off, he signs offline and I don't hear from him all day. I feel partially to blame, cause I allowed it to go this way. It felt nice to be wanted, but then I see its for all the wrong reasons. I think I may have even answered a few of my questions, but i'm just wondering what anyone would think of this? Is he just lusting after me?

 

[KaraBulut]

You want a relationship.

He wants a NSA jackoff buddy.

He's getting what he wants. You're giving it to him.

You're not getting what you want. And you're settling for less.

Guess who has the ability to change the situation and put an end to being used...? Assuming he wants to.

 

[Liam84215]

thanks for the advice guys. Usually my instincts are right about these kinds of things. I don't know where I can go offline where I will find someone. Even places offline seem to be no better then finding someone online. where should I go?


I guess to make matters worse, I am not "out" yet, and if I am outed somewhere, thats just the way it goes. I would come out for the right guy.

 

[Willie Boy]

The best places to find someone who is compatible with you is where you normally are. Just go out and enjoy your hobbies. Enjoy friendships with other who enjoy similar hobbies and see where that takes you. Don't try to force a relationship where there isn't one, but allow a friendship to grow into more. This will take some time, but is well worth it, just have patience.

If you do not currently have any hobbies, get out and find some!

 

[racer2438]

Most of the time online stuff is a99% fake and they just want to have sex via cam,meet up and go. If you want to find someone you just have to concentrate on more local people that you can see on regular base and make your decision from there.

To feel bad about it just try to move on and look for more qualities that you like and do your best.

Wish you luck.

but here is a big hug

 

[Liam84215]

Most of the time online stuff is a99% fake and they just want to have sex via cam,meet up and go. If you want to find someone you just have to concentrate on more local people that you can see on regular base and make your decision from there.

To feel bad about it just try to move on and look for more qualities that you like and do your best.

Wish you luck.

but here is a big hug

Thank you so much!

 

[TX-Beau]

OK, you don't come out "for the right guy," you come out for yourself, or you don't come out. You're going to be lonely and frustrated, relegated to hopes and wishes and desperate yearnings - the victim of a thousand and one net-disappointments, until you grab some sac and put yourself out there as a real person available for other real people to ask out.

You will never find happily ever after on that side of the closet door. No one will ever know you are available.

Second, let's talk about expectations. So what kind of relationship with the kind of guy you actually want - given your exposure and situation, do you think you can reasonably expect?

I don't know many (or any really) well balanced, self aware, emotionally available gay men willing to go back into the closet for someone else. It's not fair to hide someone like he's your dirty little secret. It's not fair. Work on it.

The net is notorious not only for the hookup guy, but the liar guy as well. All this guy ever was was a voice on the phone. That's it. You know nothing about him, nothing he says can be taken at face value - until you get to know him in the flesh, as a real person, not as a wish your heart makes. You've never met, how do you know if he felt any "connection at all." What are reasonable expectations for this situation?

Third, he didn't make you any promises - or you'd have already been complaining about that. Because he's some pixels on a screen, and he doesn't know you either. What are reasonable expectations for that?

We all know how hard it can be to find someone, and we all sympathize, but you're not making your situation any easier on yourself. Play with the net guys all you want, but remember your reasonable expectations, you need to work on yourself anyway before you're going to get prince charming.

 

[Liam84215]

Looking back at my original post, there are some things I left out that make this situation seem different then I intended.

We had begun talking, and he was saying all these things like, " I feel I have a bond with you" and "we were meant to bond and be together" and it all seemed by chance, because it was him who messaged me out of the blue. I almost never get online to chat with people so another reason why it seemed to be good, but then as time went on, things seemed to be more sexual in nature and then slowly I realized what really was going on.


Update- he told me he was from georgia, but had me calling a Florida number. I decided to look up the area code he had me calling him.

 

[rareboy]

Go out and meet real people.

Okay??

 

[TX-Beau]

Looking back at my original post, there are some things I left out that make this situation seem different then I intended.

We had begun talking, and he was saying all these things like, " I feel I have a bond with you" and "we were meant to bond and be together" and it all seemed by chance, because it was him who messaged me out of the blue. I almost never get online to chat with people so another reason why it seemed to be good, but then as time went on, things seemed to be more sexual in nature and then slowly I realized what really was going on.


Update- he told me he was from georgia, but had me calling a Florida number. I decided to look up the area code he had me calling him.

And you bought that and now you feel foolish. OK, you're not the first, won't be the last.

Are we supposed to say what an evil user guy he is and how horribly you were treated. Is that want you want us to say?

Well, it's hard to get that worked up over a guy who wasn't ever real in the first place.

It doesn't matter what he says or does, he has no bearing on your life, he's not a real person, he's just a net persona. All of them are net persona - including us - until you get up and go meet these people.

I'm going to be even more blunt, you aren't going to find a relationship with a net persona. You're going to have to get out of your house and start meeting guys in person - however you first came in contact with them - before you're going to get anywhere. The rest of that net "connection," "we texted forever," "he texted me first," stuff is just so much emotional porn, it gets your heart off, just like the dick pics get your cock off, but ultimately, they're both fantasy.

You can't have a relationship with your keyboard and some pixels on a screen, and it was naive for you to think you could.

So get out of the house and do something else for awhile, this strategy didn't work for you, try another.

 

[Liam84215]

And you bought that and now you feel foolish. OK, you're not the first, won't be the last.

Are we supposed to say what an evil user guy he is and how horribly you were treated. Is that want you want us to say?

Well, it's hard to get that worked up over a guy who wasn't ever real in the first place.

It doesn't matter what he says or does, he has no bearing on your life, he's not a real person, he's just a net persona. All of them are net persona - including us - until you get up and go meet these people.

I'm going to be even more blunt, you aren't going to find a relationship with a net persona. You're going to have to get out of your house and start meeting guys in person - however you first came in contact with them - before you're going to get anywhere. The rest of that net "connection," "we texted forever," "he texted me first," stuff is just so much emotional porn, it gets your heart off, just like the dick pics get your cock off, but ultimately, they're both fantasy.

You can't have a relationship with your keyboard and some pixels on a screen, and it was naive for you to think you could.

So get out of the house and do something else for awhile, this strategy didn't work for you, try another.

Thanks Txbeau for giving me the "Kick in the pants" I needed, you're right, you're so right. Looking back, I don't know what I was expecting either.

 

[Georgiadude]

look. It's very easy to get drawn into something like this. Your lonely and he said all the right things. He's a user and predator. He found what he was looking for and told you what you wanted to hear. He's using you like he used the person before you. Now that your eyes are open and your seeing what this is about it's your turn to be in control. You need to stop all contact with him. Either tell him what you think of the situation and that your done being used or just ignore him and move on.

It's possible for him to have gotten the number if he lived in Florida and moved to Georgia, keeping the number. Regardless your being used. Dump him and find a real person that will actually want a relationship. Get out of the house and away from the computer. It will be easier to find an actual person and not some creep hiding behind a keyboard.

Good luck and I wish you the best.

Steven.

 

[sexylatinboy]

Most guys online are usually just looking to get off and since they are not required to meet u face to face, it's easy for them to makeup whatever lies they want. Go do things you enjoy eventually you will meet someone, like lots of people on this site have suggested join a club but put yourself out there and you should definitely come out when your ready because when you are it will feel so good, good luck.