So I posted another thread earlier about this, but more has happened. so I just needed to vent some.I'm so confused right now. This guy and I went out on a first date and had coffee a few days later and things were great, we kissed, I felt chemistry, etc. We usually texted a few times a week if not everyday, and two days ago things were fine, and now his texts seem like super short and like hes moody. maybe he's just in a bad mood and under stress which is understandable. or maybe I'm scaring him off by texting him too much? This is all kind of new to me, and I really like this guy and would like to see how things go when we meet again. I asked him when we could and he said "We'll have to see"...I know he's super busy with school and work and thats understandable. Am I expecting too much too soon? Should I lay low a bit and just kind of take things more slowly? I don't want to screw things up. I don't think I have, but I just am not sure. I mean we've only really met in person a couple times, so I'm sure there's more in store for us. But Idk. Help!
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Confused...
- Thread starter 1208Rob
- Start date
Willie Boy
BOO!!! Mwahahahaha!!!!!
I would say on of two possibilities is happening: 1) he isn't really in to you, but is unsure how to tell you (he doesn't want to hurt your feelings, or feels a bit threatened by you) or 2) he IS busy and just doesn't have the time. Then again he may like you and want to proceed slowly, and feels pressured by you and feels you are either an unstable stalker, or maybe just too clingy. OK so maybe three possibilities.
The point is, don't give off such a desperate vibe, its a major turn off to those looking for any kind of lasting relationship. It suggests a lot of emotional baggage and the probability of you being a clingy needy bitchy personality. The only people you will most likely attract are ones you most likely wont want to deal with, but you wont realize it until they have you securely tied up in their basements.
Be careful.
The point is, don't give off such a desperate vibe, its a major turn off to those looking for any kind of lasting relationship. It suggests a lot of emotional baggage and the probability of you being a clingy needy bitchy personality. The only people you will most likely attract are ones you most likely wont want to deal with, but you wont realize it until they have you securely tied up in their basements.
Be careful.
wait a week or so, message him to hang out again (with definite suggestions not just a general we should hang out) and wait for response. If no response he's not interested. You can wait more and try that again, but then he's really not interested then.
Try to be "talking to" a lot of guys at the same time that way you keep your options open and you're not spending time in your brain obsessing about one guy.
Try to be "talking to" a lot of guys at the same time that way you keep your options open and you're not spending time in your brain obsessing about one guy.
Thanks everyone. I will keep busy and lay low. I think he actually really is busy, and is having a hard time at work so maybe that's why he's kind of been stand offish...hopefully everything will work out but I will take everything you all said. I really appreciate it. I feel like there's noone to talk to about this stuff!! :0)
I feel better already :0)
I feel better already :0)
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
People do get very busy. And when that happens, somebody nudging them saying "So what about us? Huh?", in whatever form, ends up being more of an annoyance than anything else. So yeah, give him the space. It's best if you leave him with the impression that 1. you understand, and 2. the invitation is open. Something simple like this does the trick. "Sounds like you're super-slammed right now - that sucks. Hope things free up for you soon. Hit me up once you get some time if you want to chat some more!" Then, you can focus your life elsewhere. 
Lex
Lex
Something simple like this does the trick. "Sounds like you're super-slammed right now - that sucks. Hope things free up for you soon. Hit me up once you get some time if you want to chat some more!" Then, you can focus your life elsewhere.
Lex
... and wait for a message from him, probably wondering wether there are chances you will ever receive it.
Well, generally that's a good advice, but what if the other one isn't going to send any message OR if the other one is really, really busy? I'm afraid the whole situation would turn out very difficult to deal with for the OP.
I would probably suggest the same thing that spencer did - "wait a week or so, message him to hang out again (with definite suggestions)". At least, if no answer comes in this case, then everything seems to be pretty clear.
And regarding the texting... if you think you are texting too much, then I would definitely suggest to cut it down. At least my own experiences show it will do good for you.
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You'll probably run into this pattern of behavior a few times while you're dating. Guys get hot and heavy and then they either get cold feet or they get scared because things are getting "too serious".
Oh and the "busy" thing? It's usually bullshit.
The whole game is stupid and it's passive-aggressive... but it's the reality of dating.
If a person can't be honest with you about this simple stuff, it's a sign that it's not worth your time.
Follow the advice you've been given about backing off and giving him some space. After a bit, invite him to do something casual. If he doesn't answer or is evasive, just delete him from your phone and address book and move on to a grownup who is more worth the effort.
Oh and the "busy" thing? It's usually bullshit.
The whole game is stupid and it's passive-aggressive... but it's the reality of dating.
If a person can't be honest with you about this simple stuff, it's a sign that it's not worth your time.
Follow the advice you've been given about backing off and giving him some space. After a bit, invite him to do something casual. If he doesn't answer or is evasive, just delete him from your phone and address book and move on to a grownup who is more worth the effort.
Spiff
Reality goggles required
I hate to be the bearer of bad news. But he's not interested anymore. I don't think you would be treating yourself fairly if you cling to hopes of him calling. If I am wrong and he does ever call back, then kudos. But don't make your life depend on it.
Yeah cuz the two times we got together it was so much fun. We spent hours just talking and laughing and we got along really well. We kissed both times. So who knows. Texts are so hard to read. But again, I'll take everyone's advice!! :0)
Thanks for the thread 1208Rob. It has helped me as well.
Rarely do I go clubbing and I tend to go with friends and never alone. That one night, this guy kept passing by with that look that got me hooked. I was too shy to approach him so I asked my friend for an advice and they told me to go for it so I went up to him and started a conversation. It started off well and we exchanged number that night. Then we met with each other many times within a week, exchanging text messages and chatting online. It appeared that we may make a great couple together. He posed some serious questions a little early than I expected, which lead me to the impression that he was pursuing a relationship. But he also did warn me that he may feel a hectic schedule coming soon. My schedule was flexible so I sent him some of the things I may be doing so he could join and also sometime I asked him when he would be free. I was willing to work around his schedule and coming up with ways to get to know him more other than trying to get into my bedroom or his. I had no idea what his schedule was like, how much he was working, and how many classes he was taking. I did not ask for his schedule because I want to respect his privacy and he should be the one to be comfortable to share that information with me if he feel that we both should see each other more often. Later I noticed his messages were short and simple, never like before. Some of other times he would reply back that he's with friends watching movies but often I wished he would invited me along. Then I started feeling whether I had done something wrong or did I acted like I was desperate. I was wondering if he had a lack of priority or there was something he should have shared. It took me some time to realized that it has nothing to do with me and that he was a terrible communicator. I became upset because I had no idea where this was going and we were slowly moving apart. I asked him at one time to clarify where we were going with this because it did hurt my feelings not knowing what's going on. He told me that he wanted to started off as friendship and not jump into anything but I had to dig that answer out of him. He gave me the impression that we were going for more than friendship and I felt like a fool pursuing a relationship after him. Then again, we don't know each other very well and I wasn't happy that he asked me all that serious questions up front because I would not have answered them if I knew we were not going anywhere (for example, if I knew we were just going to be friend, I would probably give the basic information about myself and if I knew we were going to be in a relationship then I'll be happy to share more about myself, e.g. sex life, family history, etc.). I don't regret meeting him because I think he's a nice guy but its his loss that he was missing out a wonderful guy. He did not take the time to get to know me more other than asking the serious questions so he was just "shopping around."
I hate to say that my sister may be right... He is a playa! although we didn't make out or have sex. But it does help me get my mind off of him So... I have shifted my focus to better things and I'm sure there's a guy out there who can communicate his thoughts/feelings better than the guy I just met.
Rarely do I go clubbing and I tend to go with friends and never alone. That one night, this guy kept passing by with that look that got me hooked. I was too shy to approach him so I asked my friend for an advice and they told me to go for it so I went up to him and started a conversation. It started off well and we exchanged number that night. Then we met with each other many times within a week, exchanging text messages and chatting online. It appeared that we may make a great couple together. He posed some serious questions a little early than I expected, which lead me to the impression that he was pursuing a relationship. But he also did warn me that he may feel a hectic schedule coming soon. My schedule was flexible so I sent him some of the things I may be doing so he could join and also sometime I asked him when he would be free. I was willing to work around his schedule and coming up with ways to get to know him more other than trying to get into my bedroom or his. I had no idea what his schedule was like, how much he was working, and how many classes he was taking. I did not ask for his schedule because I want to respect his privacy and he should be the one to be comfortable to share that information with me if he feel that we both should see each other more often. Later I noticed his messages were short and simple, never like before. Some of other times he would reply back that he's with friends watching movies but often I wished he would invited me along. Then I started feeling whether I had done something wrong or did I acted like I was desperate. I was wondering if he had a lack of priority or there was something he should have shared. It took me some time to realized that it has nothing to do with me and that he was a terrible communicator. I became upset because I had no idea where this was going and we were slowly moving apart. I asked him at one time to clarify where we were going with this because it did hurt my feelings not knowing what's going on. He told me that he wanted to started off as friendship and not jump into anything but I had to dig that answer out of him. He gave me the impression that we were going for more than friendship and I felt like a fool pursuing a relationship after him. Then again, we don't know each other very well and I wasn't happy that he asked me all that serious questions up front because I would not have answered them if I knew we were not going anywhere (for example, if I knew we were just going to be friend, I would probably give the basic information about myself and if I knew we were going to be in a relationship then I'll be happy to share more about myself, e.g. sex life, family history, etc.). I don't regret meeting him because I think he's a nice guy but its his loss that he was missing out a wonderful guy. He did not take the time to get to know me more other than asking the serious questions so he was just "shopping around."
I hate to say that my sister may be right... He is a playa! although we didn't make out or have sex. But it does help me get my mind off of him
So... I have shifted my focus to better things and I'm sure there's a guy out there who can communicate his thoughts/feelings better than the guy I just met.
Nomenclature
Problem?
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lol, I just flashed back to that Sex And The City episode. . .
"He's just not that into you."
"He's just not that into you."
Good advice as always Kara.
A. This is very very true. Don't get caught up with this. My advice is don't get attached too fast (unless the feeling is mutual and expressed). Set your limits: 3 attempts to date/hang out, if he refuses, makes an excuse, or (my worst pet peeve) says yes and then cancels last minute, then that means he's not as committed/not interested. Shorter, less frequent text messages usually means the interests is diminishing or lost.
B. "Busy" "Hectic" = Bullshit. No matter how much you flex your schedule to fit his, if he's not going to put enough effort to it then nothing's going to happen. The right guy will find a way out of his busy schedule to see you.
TX-Beau
FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE!
I've only dated one guy who was actually too busy - and he was studying for the bar exam. SO yeah, barring unusually extenuating circumstances, guys who are more than causally interested or just looking to get laid, will find the time to give you.
Someone above already gave you the answer, just text him saying, Ok you're too busy, get back to me when you can. Then leave him alone - and don't get yourself high on expectations that he ever will.
That way if he does, it's cake.
Someone above already gave you the answer, just text him saying, Ok you're too busy, get back to me when you can. Then leave him alone - and don't get yourself high on expectations that he ever will.
That way if he does, it's cake.