Confused

[briefboy86]

hey there! I was most def in your place. When i was in high school i had a gf and was checking out guys in the hall and i would catch myself doing this, and i kept saying, but I have a girlfriend! well after 7 years of dealing with this I was like well, you know this is the way i am and the way i was intended to be.

After talking with my now bf about this, i came out to my mom first and told her i was "bi" because thinking that i was bi would make my life easier. but it really didnt. It took me about a year to be comfortable with being gay. Its not easy coming to those terms but after coming to terms it really made my life easier because i could finally be myself with this.

Your life wont be any harder than it already is it will actually be easier, and dont worry about your friends and what they will think. they are your friends because they like you, not because you are straight gay bi or what ever. they like you for you. and if they give you any issues they are a false friend. all of my friends know, their parents know, my boss at work knows and all the higher ups in my company know (Wendy's International) yes the burger place. lol. I am a manager and faced no issues with me being gay and moving up the ladder.

Your life wont be any harder. If you want to chat more about this just PM me and i will be glad to message you about this. Just keep your head up and be proud of WHO YOU ARE not for a title that society gives everybody.

Justin

 

[dsh122]

While I completely undertand your concerns (been there, thought that)... I would offer a bit of perspective... There about 2 billion people in China who could give a shit. My point is; don't live your life based on the approval of others (yes, easier said than done). Be yourself, and love and embrace whomever you are.

 

[Seasoned]

The problem most have is getting way ahead of themselves, carrying on a dialogue with themselves. Life is best lived a day at a time.

 

[Atzesp]

Dont worry about your friends and what they will think. they are your friends because they like you, not because you are straight gay bi or what ever. they like you for you. and if they give you any issues they are a false friend.

That's true, indeed. As for me, I never came out publicly - didn't feel the need to do so - but my policy has always been "if somebody ask me, I'll answer". In fact, as far as coming out is the issue, I've never felt the urge to tell the world about it.

Being gay is just one part of me as a whole. It doesn't define me as a person - it doesn't change my values, my gifts, my virtues. And going back to the start, when my friends started realizing the truth, some came to ask me, some don't. Nothing changed. The only "friends" that changed their attitudes towards me really didn't deserve to be called friends.

But I agree, it's not an easy task. It took me a long time to understand that.
Just don't push yourself too hard.

 

[Seasoned]

I always felt like I had a gay urge that could be controlled and if it ever reached the place were it couldn't I'd go for "the cure." It was a long time ago, but, nonetheless, very real.

I got married and remember being on the altar knowing I was doing something I shouldn't have been doing. I fantasized over men but hadn't been sexual with one. Two children and 14 years later I needed to live life the I meant to live it.

Therapy and gay friends were my answers. I have a partner of almost 28 years and a great son and a daughter who is my greatest champion.

I have a great life, but I spent every day as a teen crying in the mirror with the water running and then forcing myself to smile or laugh in order not to be noticed by my siblings or parents.

We must allow ourselves to be who we were meant to be and demand our place at the table.

I want anyone who would like to pm me anytime. And to the OP, I know your confusion and sadness, fear, anger, etc. You will be fine and it does get better. This guy, whom you don't know, is sending love your way.

 

[bhandsome]

For the past couple of months I have been having a lot of trouble coming to terms with the potential of being gay or bi. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm not gay or bi but then I really only find myself being attracted to guys. I'm afraid that if anyone finds out somehow my life will be wrecked or something. I feel like my future would be ruined somehow. I have no clue why I feel this way but it's starting to get old. Do you guys have any advice for me? Maybe if you were in a similar situation at one point you could give me some advice or some kind of outlook. I guess it's just a confusing time. Feel free to PM me anything if you don't want to post it. Thanks in advance for any help you guys.

I understand exactly where your coming from! I too felt I was bi because I had feelings for girls and guys, but caught myself being more interested in men. I watched gay porn more often and str8 porn wasn't appeasing, unless a man was in it. I tried to force myself to like girls, but it's just not worth the effort.

I'll tell you what I've been told by my friends here at JUB...calm down and you will accept who you are sooner than later. If you stress over this, the longer it will take for you to see relief.

 

[Atzesp]

So, correct me if I'm wrong, but basically I shouldn't really worry about it a whole lot and just let "nature" take its course? Will it be one of those things where I will know when the right time is to come out (if at all)?

Man, as far as my personal experience goes, that's how it worked for me.

It's all a matter of "getting used" to it. We are not educated to be gay, to understand that is not wrong to like another guy, to kiss another guy, to have sex with another guy. That, plus our society values, makes everything more and more difficult.

I, for example, had a hard time dealing with that when I realized I liked men. All those issues apart, I also happen to have a gay uncle, who is extremely effeminate (to the point he calls himself "my mother's second sister"). And you see: I am gay, but all things mixed got me prejudicial against him. It was hard, very hard - I simply refused to admit that I liked guys, because "I didn't want to be like my uncle".

It took me some time to learn that each one is each one. Then took me some time to learn that I could be with a guy and not feel panic about everybody knowing what was going on. Then it went, and it went, and it went... Till the point where I am today, where I don't care what people think.

I'm also against that "militant" thing, that you MUST out yourself, that only like that you'll be true to yourself, and stuff... Not that is a wrong speech. But it's not that easy for everybody. Each one is each one, as I have already said.

So give yourself time.
You'll find yourself a way to deal with it, without worries.

 

[KaraBulut]

Congratulations and good luck.