Confusing breakup?

[ephram314]

I just finished writing this and it's probably way too long and boring, but here's my problem if anyone cares:

I've been dating a guy long distance for about 6 months now. We talked every night on the phone, and I visited him basically every other week for 3-4 days at a time. Everything was going really pretty well in the relationship. I did notice things have been a little shaky I guess the last month or so, but he's been really busy and hasn't had as much time for me. I left his place about a week ago, and everything seemed pretty normal between us. He kissed me goodbye, and we said we love each other as usual.

But then he stopped answering my phone calls. I haven't spoken to him on the phone at all since I left. We went 6 months talking pretty much every single day, and now he won't talk to me at all. I didn't worry too much the first few days, but then I got worried that he wasn't okay and left some really worried sounding voicemails. He eventually texted me that he was fine.

Then 3-4 days later with no return call I call him again and just leave a voicemail that says I'm sick of worrying about you, I can't do anything about it until you talk to me. He then texts me and says he's sorry for being a jerk. He can't talk to me, he's been depressed lately, and has cried a lot. I tell him I'm his friend above all else, and he can talk to me about anything. He says can you be my friend instead of my boyfriend right now, he really needs me as a friend. I say yes. He says he means that he wants a break. I say break as in forever or just some space? He says he doesn't know. He needs room, I shouldn't think it means he doesn't want to talk to me. All of this was through text.

Now tonight, he removed me as a relationship from his facebook. Am I wrong for thinking that this is a really unfair way to break up with me? After six months I get 3-4 confusing texts and a facebook status change? I guess I find myself needing more closure. Is he wanting to get back with me sometime in the future? Why did he suddenly stop wanting to talk to me? I know all breakups are unfair, not even a phone call? and considering he lives 3 hours away, and won't return my phone calls what am i supposed to do? I find myself battling between being the psycho ex-bf who keeps pestering him & feeling like i've been wronged and deserve more explanation.

So do I: A) Give up on him B) keep trying to call and find out what's what C) drive 3 hours and ring his doorbell

 

[swarley]

Sounds like a jerk for breaking up with you like that but then again i think breaking up in a text is one of the worst things a guy can do. I think you should just give up. Yes, you've been wronged but there is nothing you can do about it. With every attempt you make to contact him, you're just going to upset yourself worse and worse. I know it hurts but you just have to let go or else it's going to hurt worse and worse the longer you dwell on it. He just isn't interested anymore. Maybe he is dealing with depression and if he is maybe he'll contact you again when he's done dealing with it but for now you need to try to get over him and move on.

 

[FabFairy]

Perhaps he has found a new cock to suck or at least he has his eye on one!!

If he is to lazy to tell you face to face then the only option is forget him don't was your valuable time or money trying to call or drive over there. You don't mean that much to him or he wouldn't have done what he did.

 

[KaraBulut]

You've unfortunately learned a great deal about the guy that you're dating- how he deals with intimacy and how he shuts down when he's under stress.

He's made a unilateral decision to end your relationship. And he doesn't have the common decency to talk to you face-to-face (or to talk to you at all, for that matter).

In his world, it's not about you. It's all about him.

It's time to move on and find someone who is an adult and capable of a relationship.

Accept. Mourn. Move on.

 

[trawler69]

Just remember that people deal with things in different ways. Maybe he felt suffocated and didn't have the courage to tell you so for fear of hurting you. It would be the wrong way to deal with it and I wouldn't advocate your getting back together with him but I would say that, in any future relationship, it is worth looking at how your actions might be perceived.

Communication is the key to any successful relationship.

 

[ephram314]

Update: even more confusing texts. He says please don't be angry. He's scared & upset. He's scared about confronting me and everything sucks for him right now. He can't talk yet, he's uncomfortable. I basically reassured him that I'm not gonna bite his head off. He says: that's why I love you.

It feels like a mind game. I just need a break & some room, but i'm not your bf on facebook anymore. I can't talk to you right now, but I love you. Seriously? what the hell? If he loves me, why doesn't he call me and tell me what's what.

Just remember that people deal with things in different ways. Maybe he felt suffocated and didn't have the courage to tell you so for fear of hurting you. It would be the wrong way to deal with it and I wouldn't advocate your getting back together with him but I would say that, in any future relationship, it is worth looking at how your actions might be perceived.

Communication is the key to any successful relationship.

I think you're right a bit on the smothering thing. I have a lot more free time than he does right now. I'm also a little new to the city I'm in, and don't have many friends. When I mentioned I felt that maybe I was making him feel guilty about being so busy, and I was sorry for it, he agreed he had noticed it.

I guess I'm just used to trying to work things out in relationships. Especially when they last more than a few weeks, I get invested in it. I want to talk out our issues and move forward. Apparently he doesn't.

Perhaps he has found a new cock to suck or at least he has his eye on one!!

This is honestly my best guess. I feel like he probably cheated on me, and wishes he hadn't. He's too scared to tell me about it, because he knows it would hurt me, and probably mean the definite end of the relationship. We had argued about a few minor things before I left. But I didn't really think much of it. I was ready to move forward, again obviously he wasn't.

In his world, it's not about you. It's all about him.

It's time to move on and find someone who is an adult and capable of a relationship.

Accept. Mourn. Move on.

I think you're probably right. I just find it so difficult to meet semi-decent men that I can connect with. I'd say I'm not your typical gay man. I'm nerdy, quirky, and most gay men I've met find me a little dull. I don't get excited or angry easily. I'm just a quiet romantic and I want to find someone to settle down with. Most guys my age are hitting the clubs and aren't looking for mr. right., they're looking for mr. exciting. This relationship meant a lot to me, because I could connect with him and open up to him, and I thought he was looking for the same things in life. Going back to single life just does not sound that appealing right now.

 

[swarley]

Most guys my age are hitting the clubs and aren't looking for mr. right., they're looking for mr. exciting. This relationship meant a lot to me, because I could connect with him and open up to him, and I thought he was looking for the same things in life. Going back to single life just does not sound that appealing right now.

Hey, i'm younger than you and i've only gone to the club once... not my thing. I'm also looking for mr. right so we are out there, you just have to find us lol

 

[954dude]

No break up is without confusion. There's hurt, pain, anger, and too many other emotions. Obviously, you're aware that there's something more to his behaviour than he's revealing. Give him time. And in the future, stop texting. Talk!

 

[Aratron]

I think you're probably right. I just find it so difficult to meet semi-decent men that I can connect with. I'd say I'm not your typical gay man. I'm nerdy, quirky, and most gay men I've met find me a little dull. I don't get excited or angry easily. I'm just a quiet romantic and I want to find someone to settle down with. Most guys my age are hitting the clubs and aren't looking for mr. right., they're looking for mr. exciting. This relationship meant a lot to me, because I could connect with him and open up to him, and I thought he was looking for the same things in life. Going back to single life just does not sound that appealing right now.

I see a lot of myself in what you wrote here. Too bad, I don't meet guys like you here I hope you find anyone who really likes you in the future

 

[Muscles4daze]

I think you should just distance yourself from him for an extended period of time. Do not contact him and if he contact's you ignore him. I think this is a perfect example of someone who "does not appreciate what they have until it's gone". It's up to you if you want to get back with him in the future, but for right now I think you need to cut ties with him for a while (at least a couple of months).

 

[KaraBulut]

In his world, it's not about you. It's all about him.

It's time to move on and find someone who is an adult and capable of a relationship.

I'm not your typical gay man. I'm nerdy, quirky, and most gay men I've met find me a little dull. I don't get excited or angry easily. I'm just a quiet romantic and I want to find someone to settle down with. Most guys my age are hitting the clubs and aren't looking for mr. right., they're looking for mr. exciting. This relationship meant a lot to me, because I could connect with him and open up to him, and I thought he was looking for the same things in life. Going back to single life just does not sound that appealing right now.

So, in other words because of your self-esteem issues, you're willing to stay in or pursue relationships that only further damage your self-esteem?

Do you see the problem with that logic?

There's a world full of gay men that are pissing and moaning about never being able to find a decent guy who is capable of giving love and who is willing to invest in a long-term relationship. Do you realize what they would be willing to do to meet a guy like you?

First work on your esteem issues, though.