Confusing Place Right Now...

[MMMonsterBoy]

By this time last year, my ex and I were on a slop downhill. I could tell his heart wasn't in it, and he was giving subtle hints about not wanting to deal with our distance (90 minutes). We would break up two months later. I was upset at first, but simmered down unexpectedly to myself and my friends. I was riled up again when I found out he was seeing someone two weeks later. I was truly heartbroken, especially as the seemed to be serious. I was under the impression they moved in together as well. Anyhow, they broke up sometime earlier this year..

And now my ex has found his way back into my life. He reached out to me first and insisted we see each other, now that he had a car of his own. Honestly, it was as though nothing ever happened. The chemistry was still there, everything. We've hung a lot, to the point where I think I saw him more than ever before. I told him it was great seeing him so much, and that I appreciated it.

An ongoing tension built up one night while we were out. I asked him if we were a couple, or what? He claimed to hate labels, to which I rolled my eyes. He didn't want to rush either, which threw me off because hours later he said the following: a) His 'ex' didn't mean anything to him, b) if he had a ring, he would definitely propose, and c) suggested we move in together when we're done with school. I let it go, not knowing what to really say.

The next time we see each other, the tension reaches an arguing point. He knows about a guy I hooked up with after we broke up, and I think he is a very jealous (though he won't admit it). So I pandered him about his ex. Then he told me a relationship wasn't something he was interested in at the time, as he wants to be young and make mistakes. I asked him why he was here to begin with, if he knew we wanted two different things. He accused me of dropping the 'L word' first a few months ago, but that wasn't the case...He said it to me first, actually. At this point I was pretty upset and confused. I'm not looking to have children right now or anything, but he was the one implying the biggest and basically said the opposite.

We're fine now and everything, but I am confused. To make it worse, he has changed a lot since we were dating. He's more affectionate and attentive to me, which used to be something I craved from him before. So I know he's growing, but so am I. We're only one year difference (almost two), but I just don't know what he wants.

Am I being too demanding? My issue is not that we won't call me his boyfriend, it is that he chose to come back, knowing how I would feel, and not know what he wants. I guess I just want to know where he is coming from because his words and actions are very conflicting.

Any thoughts? Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do!

 

[sixthson]

He dumped you once before, why wouldn't he do it again? Plus, he said he doesn't want a relationship and you already feel like you are in one with him. None of it sounds good. Look elsewhere.

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

Thanks for the reply!

Well, I broke up with him, but it was because I knew on some level he wanted to. But what you said could still be applied

 

[jaysizzles]

He didn't seem ready to make the commitment that you seem to want...so breaking up with him is perhaps the wise thing to do for you/your sanity. Relationships only work when both people are on the same page and have a common goal.

Perhaps he didn't want to commit right now because you both are young, in school, futures still uncertain as far as jobs and potential moving to different cities are concerned (?)...idk. Has he had much experience with other guys aside from you and the other guy he was with when you broke up before? Could be a case of needing to see what else is out there, only to find out that what he really wanted was right in front of him all along....but he won't find that out or even realize it until he has more life experiences...again, idk. From what you say, it does seem like he has strong feelings for you, but is confused himself.

You can't put your life on hold for his uncertainty....so as difficult as it may be, the breakup is probably best for you.

 

[AngolaZee]

Agreed. I think he is just going throught the motions and not interested in the full package of a relationship. He's definately not ready to comit to anything serious and meaningful which is what you seem to be after.

 

[Seasoned]

When words and actions don't match believe the actions and ignore the words. Some people hate being alone and it seems he's using you until he makes his next "mistake." You can't get into someone else's mind so you don't know why he's hanging around. Maybe it's because you love him; maybe it's because he loves you; maybe because the sex is good. It really doesn't matter if you're unhappy. If one person in a relationship is unhappy and the other person is unconcerned what does that tell you? If you don't do something about it you make yourself an emotional doormat. I know it's confusing and I know it's hurts having him in your life and not having him, but you've already said that you were ok without him. If he's unable to give what you need how will you ever be happy? It's your responsibility to take care of yourself. In the meantime, I hope you two are using condoms. As long as your goal is not to hurt others always do what's right for yourself. Take care, buddy.

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

Thanks everyone.

I'm on the fence whether to slow things down with him, in terms of seeing each other.

Maybe I'll give myself a deadline. I don't want to be in the same place next year waiting for him to grow out of this stupid "hating labels" phase.

I'm just not understanding why he made the effort to come into my life. When I want to be single and carefree, I'm not going to go back to an ex boyfriend. I mean he could have it much easier if he found a local interest, so maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt :/