confusing situation

[midnightromeo13]

So here's the gist of the story. I met this guy a little under a year ago in the second semester of my Freshmen year of college, and at first i really disliked him. After a while we got to talking, and we became good friends. I always thought he was gay, but I was always told he was straight, so I thought nothing of it. Then one day he tells me he is gay. It was such a touching moment, and it really secured the strength of our friendship. From then on I always found myself wanting to be around him, and found myself falling for him. For the rest of the semester we were really close. I spent the night in his room multiple times, and we stayed up all night talking. We also cuddled on my bed once. When it came time for summer break, we made plans to hang out quite often. Over the summer he drove down to see me like 7 times, and we spent all day just talking. When we got back to school this August we started hanging out a lot, and of course I again found myself falling for him. He is always there for me, and treats me so nice. I have spent the night in his room quite a few times this semester (he is an RA, and has his own room) On most of those nights, we both slept on his futon, and cuddled. Well every once and a while he starts getting interested in a guy, and starts becoming distant from me, but when the guy he is interested in tells him that he doesn't want anything from it, he is right back to me.

I really have no idea what to do. I really can see myself being really happy with him, but I can't keep riding this roller coaster. He has no idea what he wants. What do you think I should do? Feel free to be as brutally honest as you want.

 

[altlover85]

I wouldn't put too much energy into things. Once he knows what he wants then you can be more serious. Until then, just have fun, but don't get too caught up on him unless he says or does something that would make you think he's ready to be serious and take things to another level.

 

[Seasoned]

He is what I would call a friend.

 

[KaraBulut]

I really have no idea what to do. I really can see myself being really happy with him, but I can't keep riding this roller coaster. He has no idea what he wants. What do you think I should do? Feel free to be as brutally honest as you want.

What is missing from your post is whether this friendship/relationship is preventing you from finding guys to date who want to do more than just be snugglebuddies.

If you're hung up on this guy and it's stopping you from moving on with your life, then what your friend wants or doesn't want is irrelevant. What is best for you is important. If this friendship is stopping you from finding normal healthy romantic relationships, then you need to return to a more ordinary type friendship- one that isn't giving you all of these mixed messages.

If you're dating other guys and having a normal physical relationship with them, then his is just a case of two very close friends who enjoy each other's company and are comfortable enough with each other to cuddle and sleep together in the same bed. And if this is the case- that you're dating other people and having romantic relationships with them, then there's nothing to do. When you find a real boyfriend, then chances are that he will want you to end the physical aspect of the friendship (and you'll have someone else to cuddle with).

 

[midnightromeo13]

What is missing from your post is whether this friendship/relationship is preventing you from finding guys to date who want to do more than just be snugglebuddies.

If you're hung up on this guy and it's stopping you from moving on with your life, then what your friend wants or doesn't want is irrelevant. What is best for you is important. If this friendship is stopping you from finding normal healthy romantic relationships, then you need to return to a more ordinary type friendship- one that isn't giving you all of these mixed messages.

If you're dating other guys and having a normal physical relationship with them, then his is just a case of two very close friends who enjoy each other's company and are comfortable enough with each other to cuddle and sleep together in the same bed. And if this is the case- that you're dating other people and having romantic relationships with them, then there's nothing to do. When you find a real boyfriend, then chances are that he will want you to end the physical aspect of the friendship (and you'll have someone else to cuddle with).

I have had a few flings here and there with other guys, but nothing seemed to work out for some reason or another. My friend always was happy when i was interested in someone else, but always seemed to be pushing me to go into it too fast.

 

[backpacker]

I have had a few flings here and there with other guys, but nothing seemed to work out for some reason or another. My friend always was happy when i was interested in someone else, but always seemed to be pushing me to go into it too fast.

Could the reason why things didn't work out is that really wanted your friend? Sometimes that holds people back and they don't even realize it.

He sounds like a good friend, nothing more. You need to determine if you will be happy if things remain just as they are or if you need things to change. If you decide on change, then you need to tell him how you feel. Of course doing that could change the relationship for the better or the worse. Good luck!

 

[Echoes]

I don't see anything wrong with him according to your description, you guys have cuddle and spent time together, that's it. He's totally free to be looking for other guys. Now if you don't want that to happen, why don't you just tell him you're falling for him? If he's done a couple of things with you and there's no really a response why can't he seek for somebody else?

I think mate you should be clear about what you feel with him, tell him directly and see what happens, perhaps he's just waiting for that to happen.

good luck!

 

[midnightromeo13]

Thank you for all the advice guys. I feel like the best thing to do is to just tell him how i feel. It just feels like if we keep up with this flirtatious thing, and don't ever talk about it, we could miss out on our chance.
The thing that worries me is, I don't know how to bring it up. Any suggestions?

 

[Echoes]

Thank you for all the advice guys. I feel like the best thing to do is to just tell him how i feel. It just feels like if we keep up with this flirtatious thing, and don't ever talk about it, we could miss out on our chance.
The thing that worries me is, I don't know how to bring it up. Any suggestions?

yes, tell him how you feel.

Mate, YOU have to figure that out, you can invite him for a coffee, go to the theater, watch a movie, go to a park, have some drinks, write him, etc. Just try to make your point as clear as possible.

best of luck!

 

[Lube]

Yeah, frankly, it seems like he's the one putting out the effort. Did you ever go up to his place over the summer?

Maybe he's waiting for you to put out some effort?

Follow Echoes' advice above.

 

[midnightromeo13]

So an update for everyone. I have done a lot of thinking, and decided that the relationship I have with this guy is just a very close friendship. We have since talked, and we are just friends. We still have the sleepovers, but we sleep in different beds. This is the best thing that could of happened. I realized that anything more than friendship between us would not work out. I have since started a flirtation with another guy, with the encouragement my friend. Thanks for all of your advice!