Confusing Straight Guy

[SayWhat]

why would you move to be with this guy? are you friends or more? seems like it wouldnt work out and would get too complicated too quickly.

I know it sounds insane. but we were talking about getting a place together in town already and then he had to move for work. And it happens to be in a city that I've always wanted to live in. If he was moving to some small hick town in the middle of nowhere, I wouldn't even consider it.

 

[curiousguyUNT]

Is it possible that he has feelings for you and moving away from all the people you two know would give him an opportunity to explore them? If it works great, if not, you're five states away and no one will know. He has given you a great explanation for friends/family too because you say you want a change, he's a friend you can trust, and it's a place you've always wanted to go to. It's the perfect situation for him too because he had to move for work, he knows you have wanted to go there, and he would like a friend and someone he trusts to live with. If your up for an adventure with the possibility of a ride on the emotional rollercoaster, go for it.

 

[seven_sins]

Move in with him. Enjoy the ride. You know you want to live with him. You are only young once. Just don't try to initiate anything with him. You could be very hurt if you do and you could lose a close friend. I wouldn't even try to discuss things with him unless he brings it up. If he is interested in you, he will let you know. After all, he knows you are gay.

 

[SayWhat]

Move in with him. Enjoy the ride. You know you want to live with him. You are only young once. Just don't try to initiate anything with him. You could be very hurt if you do and you could lose a close friend. I wouldn't even try to discuss things with him unless he brings it up. If he is interested in you, he will let you know. After all, he knows you are gay.

Good point! I do want to move and I want to live with him... I just know it's going to be hard for me if he gets into a serious relationship with a girl while we're living together. But it's bound to happen eventually.

I think you're right. IF (big IF) there is anything there, he's going to need to approach it his own way and on his own schedule. Hell, even being openly bisexual now, there were attractive guys I immediately turned away in high school just because it caught me off guard when they approached me.

 

[USEDCAR]

Damn what kind of friend do you have? I would love to make a friend like that you have an amazing friend.


Move in with him and take your time with him maybe he will open up more and do more stuff with you. But Damn i would love to make a friend like that who gives up hanging out with girls to hang out with a guy?

He sounds like hes really attached to you and likes having fun with you i bet he has a crush on you and he wants to take it further.

 

[jubnewbie]

maybe he wants you to be away from his circle of friends so that he could approach you easier

 

[rysmiley88]

I have close male straight friends that I'm openly out with. I think some of the posts are dead on. Masculine STR8 guys need an emotional release like every human does. If they can find it in a gay male friend, who would not jeopardize the relationship, they will be very affectionate. I have even gone as far as massaging, spooning, and generally cuddling with some very hetero, but gay friendly, man friends. They call it their "man love". But if I tried to take it any further, and I have a few times, It never happens, and I wouldn't want to ruin my friendships. I just enjoy our"man love". And their wives love it! They get to see see their man show another man affection, without it being sexual.

 

[MoltenRock III]

You guys probably see this a lot, so I'll apologize in advance for the broken record nature of this post.

I'm seriously confused about a "straight" friend of mine, though. Normally I'd just blow it off, but we've been getting really close over the last few months and now he's asking me to get an apartment with him. I feel like we should talk about this before that happens, though.

Here are the "signs" that have lead to the confusion:

• Touching: He always tugs my hair, plays with my ears, and pinches my nipples. He knows that I'm gay and these things turn me on. Any time he gets up from the group, he squeezes my shoulder or something as he walks away. I've recently started touching him randomly and pinching him back, and he doesn't pull away or anything.
• Distance: Other straight friends I have had, even if they're not homophobes, have been sure to put a distance between us. However, when we're sitting down, he'll sit so close that our shoulders touch.
• We've slept in the same bed several times. I always wear sweats and a shirt so he doesn't get uncomfortable. He strips down to his boxers, though. Furthermore, when we wake up in the morning, instead of changing in the bathroom when he gets out of the shower, he comes back into the room and changes in front of me. What kind of bullshit is that?!
• He blows off girls to hang out with me now. There have been girls that obviously want him physically, but he'll blow them off so we can rent a movie together.
• Hugs: He doesn't do the one-armed over the shoulder straight guy hug with me. He approaches me straight forward, wraps both arms around me, and squeezes hard for several seconds. When he's drunk, he'll seriously hug me for minutes at a time.
• I'm not the only one that's confused! Our friends are starting to ask questions. I've been very particular to not talk about him to my friends because I didn't want rumors to start. I also don't get touchy feely with him in front of his friends. But they're observant! His male friends and my female friends have all been asking what the deal is between us.

Do you think this behavior warrants a "What the heck is going on between us?" conversation? And if so, how would you go about approaching that subject.

Any advice is GREATLY appreciated!!!!

Are you out? Does he know you're gay?

 

[SayWhat]

Are you out? Does he know you're gay?

I'm not out to everyone, but he knows... We were just acquaintances within our group of friends and didn't start talking outside of parties until the day after I drunkenly offered him a blowjob. Woops!

 

[MoltenRock III]

I'm not out to everyone, but he knows... We were just acquaintances within our group of friends and didn't start talking outside of parties until the day after I drunkenly offered him a blowjob. Woops!

So you're saying he "knows" because you were drunk and offered him a blowjob? Or have you told him more in-depth about your sexuality and your life?

 

[Telstra]

Just go with the flow, have fun blow job what ever.

 

[SayWhat]

So you're saying he "knows" because you were drunk and offered him a blowjob? Or have you told him more in-depth about your sexuality and your life?

That event opened the door. We've had a few serious one-on-one conversations since then that have gone into more detail.

 

[clicker]

I'd say I'm 90% straight, quite comfortable around homosexuality and gay men.

I'm also quite physical person.. if it were me and my friend asked what was going on, it'd probably alienate me.

I wouldn't read into it too far, maybe he just likes contact.

Don't you consider that bi? I would. Or 'mostly straight", say, a Kinsey 2

 

[Nomenclature]

Don't forget that tricky Kinsey starts his scale at 0.

The positive numbers measure degrees of homosexuality. Zero means none at all, 3 means bisexual and 6 means 100% gay, with no heterosexual attractions or tendencies whatsoever.

 

[clicker]

Don't forget that tricky Kinsey starts his scale at 0.

true, true. I rarely hear the scale used from 0-6,it's always the 1-6.

 

[ruivinho]

You guys probably see this a lot, so I'll apologize in advance for the broken record nature of this post.

I'm seriously confused about a "straight" friend of mine, though. Normally I'd just blow it off, but we've been getting really close over the last few months and now he's asking me to get an apartment with him. I feel like we should talk about this before that happens, though.

Here are the "signs" that have lead to the confusion:

• Touching: He always tugs my hair, plays with my ears, and pinches my nipples. He knows that I'm gay and these things turn me on. Any time he gets up from the group, he squeezes my shoulder or something as he walks away. I've recently started touching him randomly and pinching him back, and he doesn't pull away or anything.
• Distance: Other straight friends I have had, even if they're not homophobes, have been sure to put a distance between us. However, when we're sitting down, he'll sit so close that our shoulders touch.
• We've slept in the same bed several times. I always wear sweats and a shirt so he doesn't get uncomfortable. He strips down to his boxers, though. Furthermore, when we wake up in the morning, instead of changing in the bathroom when he gets out of the shower, he comes back into the room and changes in front of me. What kind of bullshit is that?!
• He blows off girls to hang out with me now. There have been girls that obviously want him physically, but he'll blow them off so we can rent a movie together.
• Hugs: He doesn't do the one-armed over the shoulder straight guy hug with me. He approaches me straight forward, wraps both arms around me, and squeezes hard for several seconds. When he's drunk, he'll seriously hug me for minutes at a time.
• I'm not the only one that's confused! Our friends are starting to ask questions. I've been very particular to not talk about him to my friends because I didn't want rumors to start. I also don't get touchy feely with him in front of his friends. But they're observant! His male friends and my female friends have all been asking what the deal is between us.

Do you think this behavior warrants a "What the heck is going on between us?" conversation? And if so, how would you go about approaching that subject.

Any advice is GREATLY appreciated!!!!

if he doesn't want o have sex with you his evil. well not exactly evil but my god, why the hell would he turn you on like that

 

[SayWhat]

if he doesn't want o have sex with you his evil. well not exactly evil but my god, why the hell would he turn you on like that

One of my close friends is actually convinced that he's just playing games with me. I guess I don't understand how he would benefit from that, though. If he wanted attention or a quick screw, there are plenty of girls that would be much easier to mess with. And it wouldn't come with the extra baggage of our friends and his family thinking he was "going to the dark side."

 

[neditesjamais]

One of my close friends is actually convinced that he's just playing games with me. I guess I don't understand how he would benefit from that, though. If he wanted attention or a quick screw, there are plenty of girls that would be much easier to mess with. And it wouldn't come with the extra baggage of our friends and his family thinking he was "going to the dark side."

Was just watching replays from the XGames. Same question: Why would somebody even TRY to do that?

1) Because they can.
2) Because, what's the worst that can happen--I get it?
3) Because it's a rush.

Have you tried direct, explicit, maybe even graphic explanations of what is "ok" with you what is not? Would you let him drive like a maniac while you're riding with him just because he can and it gives him a rush? Unless you, too, want it.

Yeah, way easier to give that advice than to follow it.

 

[SayWhat]

Have you tried direct, explicit, maybe even graphic explanations of what is "ok" with you what is not?

I'm going to give a vague "Kinda" response to this one! Haha.

I've told him the kinds of things I like and dislike when I'm with a guy. That conversation is when he learned that hair, ears, and nipples are my easy turn-ons.

However, I haven't had a conversation with him about what is "ok" between him and I specifically.

It's not that these actions bother me. It's that the actions accompanied by my confusion bother me.

Even if he came out and said that we're strictly friends, I'd at least know that his actions are just part of his personality and I could set up that mental barrier to start ignoring it.

 

[neditesjamais]

Even if he came out and said that we're strictly friends, I'd at least know that his actions are just part of his personality and I could set up that mental barrier to start ignoring it.

You seem to be suggesting that this is YOUR problem to solve--by figuring out what he "means" and then by "ignoring it." Not really. It's HIS actions that are causing (or at least contributing to) your confusion. You have a right--even a responsibility--to let him know exactly what that is so he can become mature enough to change.

Here's an example of what I was thinking about earlier when I suggested the direct communication approach. And, yeah, I really do mean this to be funny AND deadly serious at the same time:

Next time he grabs your nipple, look him straight in the eye and say, "You know, every time you grab my nipple like that, I pop a hardon in about 3 seconds. Now, I like having a hardon as much as the next guy--maybe even as much as you.
But it makes me really confused and I always ask myself, 'Did he just give me a hardon so that HE could deal with it or so that I have to deal with it?' Either way, I'm fine, because I'm gonna get off. But if you leave it to me to take care of, I just might have to use your shirt as a cumrag. I'm sure you won't mind."

If he IS your friend, he will very likely laugh with you and get the message, especially if you make him take off his shirt before you go into this little vent. If he's jerking your chain, he's a jerk. This lets him know why.