Considering going back in the closet

[Tomruyssss]

Man I came out and my "friends" seemed cool with it, esp with me being Bi and not just gay I figured it'd be easier considering we still have the attraction to women thing in common. Well I can't ask one of my best friends to have a sleep over at my place without him telling me "Don't make a move on me when I'm sleeping" -_- It's like even after I came out I'm still dealing with the annoying bullshit of me not being trusted. Like I was some crazy predator. Bullshit all the time makes me wish I never told anyone. I haven't gained anything from coming out except more dumb comments from people. It's all the time, like the same friend just went through a bad break up and I being a good friend, have been taking him out, bought him some beer, invite him out to places to get his mind off of everything. Now his family is starting rumours online that I'm in love with him and all this bullshit. I was close friends with this other guy and after someone outed me it was this same type of shit. I'm getting so frustrated cuz it's getting harder n harder to retain any kind of male friend. Even if I never disrespect them or flirt or hit on them in any type of way.

 

[eastofeden]

If you have to pretend to be someone else to retain these friendships they probably aren't as good of friends as you think they are.

You can think of this turn of events as a gift if you choose to...or as a curse if you insist.

I like to find the silver linings if possible.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

To a greater extent jocular ribbing and put downs are just how straight guys interact and 'Bond' with each other. Is it possible in some cases you're just being hyper sensitive because you're insecure about being out? With them you have to pass an initiation.

Try joking back with some mild insults -

"Dude, I want a real man. You're not it."
"I want someone better hung."
"Sleeping with you would be like doing my sister."
"You're ok to have a beer and watch a game with, but I have higher standards for whom I sleep with."
"There isn't enough alcohol or money for that to happen."

 

[medic1]

I can understand how you feel, my fella is bisexual, he has also recently left the army. He is a quite private man but also a proud one.
He used to get some shit from his fellow squaddies, his response; dish it right back.
If your friends seem unable to make the distinction between being a mate, or wanting to shag them, then perhaps it is time to re-asses your compatibility with them. Good luck.

 

[Seasoned]

Coming out is more than telling friends and family your orientation. It's also about giving yourself permission to find people and places where that orientation is accepted and supported.

 

[jensu846]

naw don't go back in the closet, grow a pair, hold your head up high and be strong.. don't sweat the small stuff man. Fuck everybody that says stupid shit like that & give it right back. or find gay friends.

 

[IceColdLover]

I know how you feel. Straight men seem to always think I want their dicks when I go to talk to them. Gay guys are the same way, even though they kind of "ask for it" by posting shameless selfies on their accounts and get upset when they get "hit on" like they didn't think they'd get the attention. Stupid thinking I tell you. This is why I can't have male friendships.

 

[racer2438]

You need to find new friends that respect who your no matter what. You can't be hiding behind closet door the rest of your life....

Choose to live free with out peer pressure and ignorant friends, you deserve better and you know you do.....

 

[Tomruyssss]

Yeah I hear what y'all are saying. Right now I'm kinda taking time to decide whether or not to stop hanging out with these people for the fact is I don't have a lot of guy friends. I just started college so maybe I'll find someone there. I'd love to just hang out with another bisexual dude. I was friends with this one bi guy but then the paranoia of him being outed (he was deep in the closet) and I'm out really broke our friendship. I hated feeling like I was embarassing or something in public. I'm not a queen, I'm pretty masc. I lift weights, I drink beers, I play video games. I'm just a typical puerto rican 22 y.o. To be honest the one thing I really want is just like a bromance with someone. I've had some in the past but they all ended up moving for work, navy, etc. So now I'm back to square one tryna find someone cool to chill with and do "guy" things with. Like go to the bars and check out girls. Even fuck a girl together.

I know it's a little off topic. But I've always wanted like a brother figure My dad, and my older brother disowned me when I came out, so sometimes I just miss being around another guy my age, who likes the same shit as I do. Someone I could chill with n go to the strip club or whatever. Instead I'm gonna spend another saturday night drunk and alone because I have no guy friends. And Female friends are cool too, except the second they get a boyfriend, boyfriend feels uncomfortable about her being so close to a guy and then it fucks with the female n mine's friendship. This happend like 3 times and just is happening now with this girl who was a close friend of mine Anyways sorry for bitching, I'm just stressed, and frustrated and annoyed with this and had to find some way to get it off of my chest.

 

[Rolyo85]

Give yourself time to meet new people in college, but try to come from a place of strength. Being gay (or bi, I am not clear on whether that's what you consider yourself, or if it's what you only told your friends?) is an amazing thing and it opens the door to an entire new worldview, and so many experiences your straight friends will never have. Own it. Flaunt it even. And I don't mean with some overt "gayness" or whatever it is 'phobes imagine when they use the term "flaunt". I mean treat it like this awesome part of who you are, one that it wouldn't even cross your mind that someone might have a problem with. People take their cues from you and if you don't treat your sexuality like something that you have to make excuses for, but like something awesome that you scored the jackpot with, everyone around you will think the same.

Remember - you didn't chose to be gay. You just got lucky.

 

[-Kane-]

Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be any tangible benefits with being "the known Gay" in and around your circles. If there are, I sure as hell haven't experienced any. Sadly with straight people, you'll constantly be reminded that you're gay. Your straight male friends will feel awkward in your presence, and you'll rarely if ever achieve that sense of "normalcy" within their social hierarchy.

Just leave them alone, and find new friends. Don't return to the closet.

 

[checkinthingsout]

To a greater extent jocular ribbing and put downs are just how straight guys interact and 'Bond' with each other. Is it possible in some cases you're just being hyper sensitive because you're insecure about being out? With them you have to pass an initiation.

Try joking back with some mild insults -

"Dude, I want a real man. You're not it."
"I want someone better hung."
"Sleeping with you would be like doing my sister."
"You're ok to have a beer and watch a game with, but I have higher standards for whom I sleep with."
"There isn't enough alcohol or money for that to happen."

Yea it sounds like to me they are just busting your balls, and probably in a manner that is normal to your group of friends? Even before you came out to them, I am sure this type of banter was common, you probably just didn't take it as personally because it wasn't about something so personal to you. I mean think about it, you invited him for a sleep over and he still came right? You take a friend out after his girl broke up with him and he came right? They still want you around. If they really didn't want to be your friends, they wouldn't associate with you on any level.

I would suggest trying what borg69unimatrix suggested. Give it back to them. If you can't or you think they are going overboard, just sit them down casually and express how you feel, let them know the jabs are getting to you and you aren't comfortable joking about it yet, and you would appreciate it if they stopped.

As for the family, you will have to turn a blind eye to that, but think of it as a learning and growing experience. Being gay/bi and out is still not truly accepted globally and in many communities in the U.S. you just gotta get tougher. People will talk shit, but at the end of the day, you living your authentic self is what matters most and in the long run will lead to a more fulfilling life. I mean they don't even have the balls to say this stuff to your face so why give a shit about what they post on the internet?

In terms of making new friends, always be open to making new ones, especially ones you feel more comfortable talking about and being open with your sexuality to. If you are going to start school, that is a good place for meeting these types of guys. Are you in a city? you might just try finding friends online as well too that are close to you and have similar interests.