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Considering the next step with a colleague

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phillyboy1982

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hi
first off - thank you for providing flame-free advice on these topics - i enjoy reading what you all post

so heres my situation -- about a month ago i noticed a colleague (same company different departments) at the gym - we traded some glances etc. - weve had some chit-chat conversations but thats about it

subtle indicators seem to lead me to believe there might be some interest - (going out of the way in the gym to walk past me, hitting the locker room at the same time, etc)

i feel like theres something else there - but the environment at the gym doesn't lead much to conversation besides "hey whats up"

whats the next step? i'm trying to figure out a way to get some one on one time without makin it obvious - and if i do say, get him to go out for drinks or dinner after work - how do i 'push' to see if there is something there without making a complete fool of myself - or cause anything at work

i'm in 20s bi - and not out to anyone (and like it that way for now):help:

thanks
 
Next time you have a conversation with him at the gym, my suggestion would be to ask him if he'd like to go for a casual cup of coffee and try to get to know him a little better to see if it would be safe to bring up the subject.
 
I'd ask him what he likes to do on the weekend, then casually say you'd be interested in doing that too some weekend.

Say he likes to hit the bars on friday. Then you sy if he's ever been to so and so bar. If he says no, then you ask if he'd liked to hang out and grab a beer one Friday.

IMO, asking someone for coffee sounds like a date. But if you are asking for a date, there's nothing wrong with that, it's just forward.
 
You make it sound as though there has to be something calculated about the things that happpen. I doubt that he is seriously trying to seduce you and I think you would be wise not to give him reason to think that your are trying to seduce him.

Seduction is counterproductive IMHO>

Better to let the acquaintance become a friend. And, when friends become more than friends they do give signals to each other so that when the big IT happens it is because both want and need IT to happen.

And if nothing sexual ever happens you may discover that it is not all bad to have sexually attractive friends who you never get to have sex with.
 
I would follow through on your instincts to invite him out to coffee or dinner. During the conversation, you will get to know him. But, give some thought to the conversation...for example, whatever you ask him may be asked back of you. So, if you are tempted to ask him what movies he likes and what bars he likes, he could easily ask you the same (so be prepared for that).

It might take more than one outing to really figure him out, unless he immediately starts mentioning a girlfriend, etc. or otherwise quickly discloses his orientation.

If he is interested, then you have to judge the risks you're taking by dating someone in the same company, albeit different departments. Be careful, but not paranoid. Good luck, and let us know what happens.
 
phillyboy1982 said:
i'm in 20s bi - and not out to anyone (and like it that way for now):help:
Click to expand...

You just answered your question. If you are so afraid of letting out your feelings to anyone, how do you expect to let them out with the guy you are interested in? But that's another issue when you actually befriend the guy first.

As for ice breakers, I usually go up to a guy and ask him about a kind of exercise he's doing. Works every time. Just sound like you are really interested in how his exercise can tone your muscles. Then move onto what you're working out, how's your day been, etc. But it sounds like you've already had "chit-chat" conversations.. Might I suggest asking him to spot for you or to become your workout partner? Just say you're looking for a workout buddy. This will allow you to get to know him more. Connect with some mutual interests. Maybe he'd like to go to a game with you, or a movie you've been wanting to see for awhile. Anything that would get you outside of the work or gym environment where you can open more to each other. If you think there's "something there" then I guarantee you he'll say yes.
 
You work in the same location? "hey, how about lunch tomorrow?" ... or you could send him an invite via email or the office meeting scheduler if you can't find the words in person.
 
thanks for the advice gents - will follow thru on a coffee/beer/lunch invite and see how it goes

will keep you updated - thank you all!
 
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