Constant HIV anxiety

[FineCG]

Hey I really need some advice on this. I got tested for HIV a few months ago and it came back negative. I've talked to the last guy I was with and he also had a test that came back negative. I only have safe sex, and other people have told me not to worry about it but I can't get it out of my head. I just want to know what you guys think because I've been having a lot of anxiety problems lately and I'm starting to consider seeing a therapist for them and I'm wondering if my constant worry is just a manifestation of that anxiety. Plus anxiety problems run in my family.

 

[nafhoosier]

Hey I really need some advice on this. I got tested for HIV a few months ago and it came back negative. I've talked to the last guy I was with and he also had a test that came back negative. I only have safe sex, and other people have told me not to worry about it but I can't get it out of my head. I just want to know what you guys think because I've been having a lot of anxiety problems lately and I'm starting to consider seeing a therapist for them and I'm wondering if my constant worry is just a manifestation of that anxiety. Plus anxiety problems run in my family.

You're afraid of HIV??! Why?! There must be something wrong with you!

In all seriousness, being afraid of HIV is extremely normal. It's hard to find somebody who ISN'T afraid of catching HIV (except for those sick bugchasers out there). That's why many practice safe sex and use condoms.

The only thing about your post that 'strikes a chord', as they say, with me is that it sounds like this worry of catching HIV might interfere with your ability to form relationships with others. It also seems like it might be feeding off into an anxiety of having sex in general. There's also a common feeling amongst people extremely worried about HIV that any sort of sexual behavior they engage in is "slutty" or makes them a slut.

For example, you meet a really nice guy, go on a couple of dates with him, he says he's negative, but you're still not sure..... so you hold off on the sex for a while. He reaches a point well into your bond where he's finally ready to have sex..... and the reason you still refuse is because you still don't trust that he doesn't have HIV and still don't want to have sex.... even WITH a condom.

That might, in my opinion, draw someone away.

I think you need to look at the statistics and realize that condoms really do work, when used properly of course.

I think there are a few steps, besides seeking therapy (which you might want to do), to help ease this anxiety.

First, don't randomly hook up with people you don't know, even with protection. Some people like it, some people don't. There's nothing really wrong with it if you're safe, but I feel like you might "worry" a lot after the random encounter even though the safe sex will be in your favor. Only have sex with those you trust and have known for at least a month (that's a good rule of thumb don't you think?), and DON'T allow anyone to make you feel guilty for wanting to use a condom, even in a relationship.

Using a condom in a relationship and even with those you know is completely rational because slipping up isn't worth it. A long term, monogamous relationship is different, but that's for another subject.

For now my best advice to you is to not feel guilty about enjoying sex because we all do. I think the best thing for you is to only have sex with those you feel extremely comfortable with and while it's great to be cautious, it's possible to be safe and have a fulfilling sex life at the same time.

You're doing the best thing you can do by having safe sex so keep it up and have fun.

 

[medic1]

nafhoosier that was a fantastic post,full of common sense and empthay

 

[kallipolis]

Hey I really need some advice on this. I got tested for HIV a few months ago and it came back negative. I've talked to the last guy I was with and he also had a test that came back negative. I only have safe sex, and other people have told me not to worry about it but I can't get it out of my head. I just want to know what you guys think because I've been having a lot of anxiety problems lately and I'm starting to consider seeing a therapist for them and I'm wondering if my constant worry is just a manifestation of that anxiety. Plus anxiety problems run in my family.

Fear of the unknown is a catalyst of high anxiety which often leads to ill health.

That you are being prudent by observing safer sex practices indicates that you have no reason to be anxious over your sexual life with other human persons.

Our life is filled with risk, even crossing a road is risky but we rise from our bed, and we are do our best to ensure that we are prudent in every decision which we make.

The resolution of your anxieties lies entirely in your hands by recognising that your fears are irrational whereas your safer sex practices are a rational manifestation of your determination to make life affirming choices.

The antidote of fear is trust in your clearly defined decisions to act wisely in all matters.

Learn to trust your self and your anxieties will evaporate leading you to live a life liberated from fear of the unknown.

 

[KaraBulut]

The question here - that you didn't mention - is whether this anxiety is interfering with your day-to-day life or with your ability to have a sexual relationship.

If it is, then yes- you should see a therapist.

 

[FineCG]

Thank you all for what you saying believe it or not I've educated myself about HIV and safe sex and there is a part of my mind that knows I'm ok it's just the irrational part is screaming over it. To answer the questions about my day to day life yes my anxiety is interfering; there are some days I can function normally but other days I barely can get out of bed and I'm having trouble sleeping. I talked to an older gay man that I know and he told me that he was with two people who had HIV one he knew about and was safe with, the other who was his boyfriend and they did have unprotected sex and yet he didn't catch it. It's been a long time since I hooked up with someone who I didn't know previously and that was well before I had myself tested last time. I scheduled an appointment with a psychologist a friend recommended, but thank you for what you've told me I feel a little better.

 

[menRsexii]

^ I know exactly how you feel. I am so paranoid and anxious about a lot of things, one of them being HIV. I constantly get irrational thoughts that go through my mind and I realize they are not be true and yet a little part of me still believes it.

Like for example: The farthest I've ever gotten with a guy was making out. Nothing more. And yet, for the longest time, I was afraid that I had caught an STD (like maybe HIV) from him but I realize this thought is completely irrational (he gets checked regularly and only one known case of HIV spread through kissing). And yet it will not leave my mind -- it's always there, sometimes hiding but will surface from time to time. Just writing this kinda freaks me out all over again :/ haha

 

[FineCG]

Men I understand how you feel. There are times when I look back on any sexual activity I've done and just think how it could have hurt me, which isn't really a healthy way of thinking. Plus other things in life don't help. You don't know how many times I thought a cough or head ache was the beginning of something serious, and although everything has turned out fine whenever something springs up it worry again; it's like I never learn. The funny thing is I know plenty of people personally, both gay and straight, who engage in very risky behavior and don't think twice about it.

 

[AdmiraalW238]

...only one known case of HIV spread through kissing...

What is your source for this statement? Are you referring to the one probably case from 1997?

The case involved a man who most likely transmitted HIV to his female sexual partner through deep kissing. The source of the infection was an HIV-positive man who had a history of gum disease. He reported that his gums frequently bled after he brushed and flossed his teeth. He reported that he generally engaged in sexual intercourse and deep kissing at night after he brushed his teeth. Under these circumstances, the woman he was kissing was exposed to saliva contaminated with blood.

SOURCE

I work in the HIV field and you cannot get HIV through casual contact like kissing. The amount of HIV in saliva is so minute that you would need to pour litres of saliva in to an open bleeding cut.

To the OP ... if the anxiety is causing you issues in your day-to-day life then I would strongly recommend you see a psychologist who specializes in HIV-related issues.

 

[cabsterman]

What is your source for this statement? Are you referring to the one probably case from 1997?



I work in the HIV field and you cannot get HIV through casual contact like kissing. The amount of HIV in saliva is so minute that you would need to pour litres of saliva in to an open bleeding cut.

To the OP ... if the anxiety is causing you issues in your day-to-day life then I would strongly recommend you see a psychologist who specializes in HIV-related issues.

Just curious... does it really matter whether it's litres of saliva or one drop of saliva that has HIV? Couldn't the one drop expose you to the virus and become infected? Or can your body fight off the one drop of HIV saliva that you happen to swallow while kissing and goes into your stomach?

Doesn't all of what you consume enter your bloodstream from your stomach - intestines? And what about consuming cumshot that has the HIV virus in it? You have no open sores in your mouth, no bleeding gums, no stomach ulcers and you have just given the best blow job to an HIV person? Wouldn't your stomach\intestines absorb the virus into your bloodstream?

Again... just want an understanding of "the amount" factor.

 

[KaraBulut]

Just curious... does it really matter whether it's litres of saliva or one drop of saliva that has HIV? Couldn't the one drop expose you to the virus and become infected? Or can your body fight off the one drop of HIV saliva that you happen to swallow while kissing and goes into your stomach?

Back in the 80s, I used to get questions about whether a person can get an STD from a toilet seat. After all, we were told that the split in the front of the seat in public restrooms was to prevent STDs...

The answer that I always gave was "I don't know. I suppose it's possible but since all the hundreds of STDs that I've seen in practice were acquired by sucking and fucking, I don't have any experience to draw upon".

And that's kind of the answer here. We have a few (very few) cases of orally-acquired HIV-1 infection in the literature to draw upon. I've never seen a case personally, so it's only from research presentations and case reviews at conferences that I'm even aware that there have been a few. And of course, we have no controlled studies were we've tried to expose someone to drops vs liters of HIV-infected saliva- there's no ethical way to study that.

I suppose that saliva with enough HIV getting into an open wound without being exposed to air and getting into the bloodstream of someone might be a possible scenario... but in 25+ years of working with HIV issues, pretty much 99.9% of the infections were acquired from receptive anal sex or sharing needles.

 

[menRsexii]

Men I understand how you feel. There are times when I look back on any sexual activity I've done and just think how it could have hurt me, which isn't really a healthy way of thinking. Plus other things in life don't help. You don't know how many times I thought a cough or head ache was the beginning of something serious, and although everything has turned out fine whenever something springs up it worry again; it's like I never learn. The funny thing is I know plenty of people personally, both gay and straight, who engage in very risky behavior and don't think twice about it.

Exactly... I recently have been having this cough sort of thing (It's like having a "frog in my throat" where I need to clear it out once in a while). Though I believe it is actually caused from just my anxieties, acting as a stress reliever, there is still ALWAYS on my mind that it could possible be a symptom of and STD like HIV

 

[cabsterman]

Back in the 80s, I used to get questions about whether a person can get an STD from a toilet seat. After all, we were told that the split in the front of the seat in public restrooms was to prevent STDs...

The answer that I always gave was "I don't know. I suppose it's possible but since all the hundreds of STDs that I've seen in practice were acquired by sucking and fucking, I don't have any experience to draw upon".

And that's kind of the answer here. We have a few (very few) cases of orally-acquired HIV-1 infection in the literature to draw upon. I've never seen a case personally, so it's only from research presentations and case reviews at conferences that I'm even aware that there have been a few. And of course, we have no controlled studies were we've tried to expose someone to drops vs liters of HIV-infected saliva- there's no ethical way to study that.

I suppose that saliva with enough HIV getting into an open wound without being exposed to air and getting into the bloodstream of someone might be a possible scenario... but in 25+ years of working with HIV issues, pretty much 99.9% of the infections were acquired from receptive anal sex or sharing needles.

Right! I remember back in the 1980s going to seminar about HIV and asked if you can catch it from mosquitoes bites. I mean malaria, was it bird flu? <--- cant remember that is mosquito bite spreading so why not HIV?

So if that was the case, we would be all HIV positive from mosquitoes or quite a lot of people. There was a video from YOUTUBE that somebody had posted a few days ago explaining HIV back in 1993. It seemed to make sense and I wish I could find it again.

 

[cocksucker4use]

Hey Fine, from what you state your risk of HIV is low. Maybe even very low. However, you should consider seeing a therapist or other professional you address the underlying cause of your anxiety. It sounds like anxiety is interfering with one or more aspects of your life.

 

[Zabotugi]

I thought that saliva had enzymes in it that neutralize the virus, making it unable to infect.

 

[FineCG]

Hey everyone I just thought I'd check in. I've started seeing my therapist and she says that I have an anxiety disorder. So far she recommends that I continue therapy sessions and if they don't work then she will put me on medication. I've been doing some research about the virus and it has eased my fears somewhat. From what I can tell I have not put myself in significant risk of infection. My problem seems to be that I can't get over even the small likelihood; like kallipolis said life is full of risks and we just have to accept them. I noticed that there is a good amount of views on this forum. I hope that what was written here is helping other people. Thank you all again I'm glad there are people on here to talk to about problems like this.

 

[djunkie]

Hey I really need some advice on this. I got tested for HIV a few months ago and it came back negative. I've talked to the last guy I was with and he also had a test that came back negative. I only have safe sex, and other people have told me not to worry about it but I can't get it out of my head. I just want to know what you guys think because I've been having a lot of anxiety problems lately and I'm starting to consider seeing a therapist for them and I'm wondering if my constant worry is just a manifestation of that anxiety. Plus anxiety problems run in my family.

I had an HIV scare when I was younger...When I went in to get my blood drawn the lady who was drawing my blood told me that I had nothing to worry about. She said that if I did have HIV that I would know. Granted, you can never truly know until you have a blood test, but, she does have a point. Our bodies tell us when we are sick. I personally think we have a sense that tells us when something is wrong. But, I know that with depression/anxiety which I have as well. The mental side of you says something but the emotional side says something else. Sadly, the emotional side always wins. You have nothing to worry about. If your first test came back negative you are okay. The only reason they make you have a second one is to be on the safe side to make sure that you truly do not have HIV.

You have nothing to worry about. I promise! Just remember. Don't be a fool. Wrap your tool.

P.S. I am very glad to hear that you are going to your therapist! Talking to her will help immensely! I would also talk to her about some anti-anxiety medications. They work wonders! (I know, because I take them). I hope you continue to go and keep us updated on how you are doing! Best of luck!

 

[Enduster]

Hey everyone I just thought I'd check in. I've started seeing my therapist and she says that I have an anxiety disorder. So far she recommends that I continue therapy sessions and if they don't work then she will put me on medication. I've been doing some research about the virus and it has eased my fears somewhat. From what I can tell I have not put myself in significant risk of infection. My problem seems to be that I can't get over even the small likelihood; like kallipolis said life is full of risks and we just have to accept them. I noticed that there is a good amount of views on this forum. I hope that what was written here is helping other people. Thank you all again I'm glad there are people on here to talk to about problems like this.

I'm glad you realized you had a problem and have started working with a therapist. Good on ya! Too often people just do nothing about various mental or emotional issues except whine and complain that woe is them, life isn't fair, and boo hoo for them, yet never once attempting to fix the underlying problem.

 

[Jerry]

The only reason they make you have a second one is to be on the safe side to make sure that you truly do not have HIV.

The reason they give you a second test is because if you were infected right before the first test, you may not have seroconverted yet, and you would produce a (false) negative result. THAT is why they have you wait and test you again.

OP, I'm glad you're seeing a therapist, and I hope everything works out well for you.

 

[hotatlboi]

Do you worry about being in a fatal accident every time you drive your car?

Because the chances of that happening are probably greater than getting HIV if you only practice safe sex.

Like others said you have to focus on not worry about what little unlikely contingencies you will encounter and just live your life.