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Constructive Criticism Request!

The Warmth

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Here's a blog entry I recently wrote. I would greatly appreciate some (respectful) critiques and comments, and some techniques to increase it's validity. Thanks!

I recently procured a very interesting tidbit from my friend who receives complete financial aid for college from the government.

Her parents who have lived together for her entire life, never got married. Her father works as a contractor, and was able to afford a respectable sized house. Her mother works as an elementary school secretary, and makes $13,000 a year; she saw her mother's tax statements.

What about her father? No one knows exactly how much he makes, because he hasn't paid his taxes in over 20 years.

When filling out FAFSA forms, if your parents aren't married, you only put one of their incomes down.

Obviously she had no choice but to put her mother's down.

She now receives the aid that is intended for someone who lives in poverty. She has benefited from her father's untaxed income her entire life.

Is that not completely fucked?

As a native of Las Vegas, Nevada, I'm familiar with the illegal immigration issues the southwestern portion of the country faces. Some of the issues include: people driving with no licenses or identities and getting into car crashes, resulting in the highest car insurance rates in the nation, children of illegals joining gangs and hiking homicide crime rates, illegal immigrants killing police officers and getting away with it, being manditorily taught Spanish from first grade to fifth grade (which obviously isn't bad in itself, but the reasons behind it are), and the effect monolingually Spanish children have had on our public school system.

I don't hate illegal immigrants themselves, after all how are their aspirations for a better life any different than ours. It also goes without saying that not all illegal immigrants contribute to the problems listed above.

On that very basic level, I do not harbor ill will toward them as people.

I just really fucking hate what they're doing.

I hate the people who allow them the privilege of doing it. I hate the employers who accept fake social security numbers and don't bother to tax said employee's income. I hate the resulting cost of health care and social services the immigrants do in fact employ. I hate the idea of having to pay for selfish corporate head douchecocks and their desperate need for cheap labor. I hate the corruption in Mexico's government and their encouraging to push all of their problems onto our shoulders.

No, my anger is not misplaced on the people themselves, but the entire situation at hand.

Their native country is so fucking flawed and stratified that they feel they have no choice but to hop over an invisible border and use us to achieve middle class standing. They obviously don't want their children to face the same predicament. What better thing to do than to shit the kid on American soil and force its citizenship onto us?

Their reasoning for what they do is understood.

My friend's dad is WORSE THAN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS.

He was born in this country, uses its services, supplies his family with his monetary earnings, and doesn't pay a cent to support the country that allows him to do this. Like the rest of us do. As the law says we do.

It's not my friend's fault that her father chose to fuck over the government, the same way it's not anyone's fault to be born unto illegal immigrants.

However, my friend finds it foolish that I am somewhat bothered by what she's doing.

How can I not be?

My single mother has made more than her "technically single" mother, despite that fact that if your compare both of our living situations, the difference in privilege is evident. Her family lives in at least a four bedroom house whilst we dwell in a two bedroom apartment, for instance.

It's not her fault, therefore I should not be bothered. What?

How is her father and in turn she NOT abusing the system? She directly benefited from her father not paying taxes and is now considered below the poverty line when it comes to her college finances.

How is that not completely fucked?

What about people who have to actually work their way through school because their parents make what's said to be enough to afford tuition, yet the cost of living greatly argues otherwise? What of these people who never enjoyed the privilege money bestows, yet can't as easily access aid?

How is this not completely fucked up?

I have to ask that over and over.

"The government is completely fucked up." Was her response.

True, undoubtedly the government has severe flaws in this country. That is almost universally accepted.

What I find more fucked up is her father's complete pillage of our country's opportunities and her subsequent benefit of it. She is now siphoning off money from people who need it.

I don't hate her, I'm not angry at her as a person.

I just really fucking hate what she is doing.

Ironically her family has always been vocal about their disdain for illegal immigration and the cheap labor they provide the construction industry. It's why they relocated to Washington from California.

Her father as far as I am concerned is comparable and worse than illegal immigrants.
 
Depending on how much you "hate" what her father is doing, you could do this:

http://finance.yahoo.com/taxes/article/102599/the-irs-will-pay-you-to-turn-in-tax-cheaters

The IRS Will Pay You to Turn in Tax Cheaters
by Lisa Scherzer
Tuesday, March 13, 2007provided bySmartMoney.com

There's a new sheriff in town and his name is John Doe. And he may be in the cubicle next to you.

Under a newly amended rule from the Internal Revenue Service, ordinary citizens can help the tax man cometh, or at least collect. The new Whistleblower Office is the IRS's attempt to give incentives for you to rat out the tax cheats you know.

That's right. If your employer, co-worker, landlord, neighbor or father-in-law is raking in fistfuls of cash and bypassing Uncle Sam, you can anonymously report the abuse to the IRS and snag a windfall from their dishonesty.

As long as the total amount of tax fraud comes out to at least $2 million (including penalties, interest, and whatever else the government ultimately collects based on your report), you can get a 15 to 30 percent cut.

and help your college fund in the process.
 
What about her father? No one knows exactly how much he makes, because he hasn't paid his taxes in over 20 years.

.

Two questions come to mind:

1. How does she know her father hasn't paid taxes for twenty years?
2. Has she ever asked him?
 
I've decided after seeing that link that no, I am not willing to take the plunge and turn her father in, even anonymously. I would honestly be doing it out of personal spite.
 
I've decided after seeing that link that no, I am not willing to take the plunge and turn her father in, even anonymously. I would honestly be doing it out of personal spite.

If you know someone is cheating on their taxes and you're not willing to do anything about it isn't that the same as employers who know hiring illegal work is wrong but hire them anyway?

What point is there in acknowledging people who cheat the system if we're just going to perpetuate the problem for personal reasons? Right is right, wrong is wrong, correct? Why should personal convictions hinder the pursuit of what's right?
 
I'm still undecided. I don't really know how to make it seem like it wasn't me, because as far as I know she's told me and only me.

I will have to wait it out a bit to be sure.
 
With all due respect, how can you command others to do the right thing if you hate to "wait it out" when you're presented with such a situation? I'm sure it's not easy, but the right thing isn't always easy. If that were a viable excuse for not doing it, we'd all be in a heap of trouble.

You are not the one who did something wrong, HE is.
 
Okay. So here's the situation as it stands.

Right now all I have to present the IRS is a facebook chat transcript and screen caps of said transcript. I have no idea what her father's first name is, all I have is said "evidence" above and an address.

Is there retribution to be had for this man or not? I suppose it wouldn't hurt just reporting what I have.

Do you think they'll seriously investigate him or pass it off as a waste of time?
 
Okay. So here's the situation as it stands.

Right now all I have to present the IRS is a facebook chat transcript and screen caps of said transcript. I have no idea what her father's first name is, all I have is said "evidence" above and an address.

QUOTE]

"Evidence?" What evidence? You haven't mentioned any actual evidence.
 
"Evidence?" What evidence? You haven't mentioned any actual evidence.

It's certainly evidence. It's inadmissible evidence, but it is evidence all the same. It would probably be enough to trigger an investigation that could uncover evidence that could lead to a claim for back taxes with interest and penalties.
 
It's certainly evidence. It's inadmissible evidence, but it is evidence all the same. It would probably be enough to trigger an investigation that could uncover evidence that could lead to a claim for back taxes with interest and penalties.

It's hearsay, and it's extremely unlikely that the IRS would take it seriously. They simply don't have the manpower.
 
It's hearsay, and it's extremely unlikely that the IRS would take it seriously. They simply don't have the manpower.

That's right. It is hearsay evidence and therefore inadmissible evidence. Whether it's enough to trigger an IRS audit I don't know. They do audit some people at random; so they do have a little extra time on their hands. Why shouldn't this one take the place of one of those. They would have a screen-cap. It's not as if it were just one person's report of what another person said.
 
So you want to turn this guy in because illegal immigrants kill police officers, crash cars, deal drugs and live in a stratified society.

If I were you, I'd turn him in because of space-alien abductions and no licence plates on flying saucers.

Definitely something I noticed after it was hastily written...it makes absolutely no sense why I would even bring illegal immigration into the picture. I basically left out the fact that she and her family are staunchly against it and is mentioned every fifth sentence.
 
Here's a blog entry I recently wrote. I would greatly appreciate some (respectful) critiques and comments, and some techniques to increase it's validity. Thanks!


I think your blog entry (which I will henceforth refer to as an “essay”) includes some interesting ideas and concepts. It consists of about 867 words formatted into 56 sentences and 34 paragraphs. I consider the presentation to represent 3 reasonably distinct parts.

It begins with what I call a “tease.” Depending on the individual reader, it may pique their interest and make them want to continue reading. The tease initially suggests that you will share “a very interesting tidbit;” however, you do not subsequently identify any one particular tidbit. Instead, there are a number of tidbits that, taken together, provide some specific details about an unnamed family. By word count, this part constitutes 17 percent of your essay.

In paragraphs 6 and 7, you express an opinion about the preceding tidbits, but then abruptly change topics and begin describing your personal familiarity with “the illegal immigration issues the southwestern portion of the country faces.” This part constitutes 38 percent of your essay and also includes your personal opinion about the subject.

Then, in paragraph 16, you exclaim that your friend’s dad (from the introductory portion of the essay) “is worse than illegal immigrants,” and also provide additional explanation and comparison to your own circumstances as well as a few other hypothetical situations. The essay concludes by restating and expanding of some of the key remarks from earlier in the writing. The final part constitutes 45 percent of your essay.

Here are some readability statistics of your essay:

Gunning Fog Index = 11.54
This gives an approximation of the number of years of education that are needed to read and understand the text. It is based on words per sentence and the number of “hard” words per sentence. Your value is higher than that of most popular novels, but lower than most academic papers. [More …]

Flesch Reading Ease = 63.62
This indicates the relative ease with which the text is read, where 100 is the easiest. An optimum score is probably in the range of 60 to 70. [More …]

Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level = 8.22
An alternative measure of the ease of reading, based upon syllables per word and words per sentence. An optimum value is probably from 8 to 10. [More …]
In terms of your writing skill, I think your essay is quite readable – probably more so than my own style – at least according to the scores above. Taken with a bit of intuition, the overall theme of your essay seems to focus upon problems that are inherent with bureaucratic systems and the moral consequence associated with how individuals are inclined to manipulate those systems.

Looking at the basis of some of your arguments, I see some opportunity for dispute or disagreement. In other words, there are perhaps ways to create an alternative basis of complaint or to cast the blame to a different source.

For example, in some states the biological father of a child has no paternal rights (or obligations) if he is not married to the mother of that child. I should note that some states do not recognize common law marriage. Thus, the friend whose parents never got married may not have a legally defined father. In this case, it may be most appropriate for her financial aid to be based upon the income, savings, investments, and business and farm assets of the student and her “unmarried” mother. While this may represent a flaw in the way the system is designed, it is nonetheless the basis upon which eligibility is determined.* ~This is perhaps an excellent example of how marriage is unduly intertwined into our laws.

With regard to the non-payment of taxes, there is an opinion on the part of some people that the federal government is not legally authorized to collect income taxes. They argue that unless you voluntarily conform to the IRS requirements, there is a constitutional basis to dispute the validity of those requirements. I’m not sure to what extent persons have successfully challenged federal income taxes in the courts, but there are certainly some people who consider it unlawful to pay the taxes. We should also recognize that not everyone with income is required to file a tax return; however, anyone who can afford “a respectable sized house” is probably not eligible for such an exemption.

As far as employers accepting fake social security numbers, I think it is fair to note how easily employees can thwart the system. In many ways, I think the I-9 is a joke. The employer certifies that he/she has reviewed the documents, but there is no requirement for the employer to maintain copies of the documents. Some Human Resource specialists advise against making copies. Similarly, if an employee furnishes a “valid” social security number, but that number is not really assigned to that respective employee, the IRS will eventually discover the discrepancy and send the employer a form requiring the employer to either obtain a new number from the employee or begin what is called “backup withholding.” If the employee furnishes a different social security number, the employer does not forward that new number to the IRS for verification, but rather is instructed to simply substitute the revised number in the various reporting of that employee’s earnings. If the second number is eventually determined to not match the employee, the same process repeats again a year or more later. This process can reiterate a number of times.

"The government is completely fucked up." Was her response.
Maybe the government is fucked up, or maybe it is just grossly inefficient. On the other hand, maybe “gaming the system” is somehow related to personal integrity.

Thanks for sharing your blog/essay!


Following are a few related, but not particularly organized links. These may not be the best sources, but they are at least somewhat germane to a few of the points I’ve attempted above.

*If you cannot provide information about your natural parent(s), contact a financial aid adviser before completing a FAFSA.
http://www.childcustodycoach.com/parent-rights-unmarried.php
http://www.reason.org/commentaries/dalmia_20060501.shtml
http://www.bigeye.com/fedtax.htm
http://www.irs.gov/individuals/article/0,,id=96623,00.html
 
Wow. That post was everything I could ask for and more. Wonderful! I'm especially grateful for the readability statistics! Thank you so much!
 
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