Could it possibly be...

[spencer]

We'll here's the back story recap (long)

I found JUB by googling, in love with a straight guy.

I posted about my internal struggles with Bobby. (and everyone called me creepy). But I eventually told him and while unphased, he had no interest in men. I posted how heartbroken I was. But Bobby and I remained good friends (till this day). He's the best, he even sends pictures of me in his shorts still. Who's the creeper now

But there was light at the end of the tunnel then too. I started going out with Justin who was a friend of a friend for 2 years. He's so damn good looking, strong and has his act together. One thing, he was effeminate and I wasn't used to that. I actually surprised myself and fell for him. Well there was a stint where we went out frequently, but he wasn't affectionate. Well turns out he is affectonate, just not to me. Figures.

Until it ended and Justin just couldn't handle me on top of job problems on top of family problems. Justin also turned out to use me. That really hurt.

I saw him one last time for closure, it was rough and he said he loved me and wanted to be with me but couldn't juggle it all. Gave me a big long kiss and that's the last time I saw him.

I finally got the closure I wanted and it hurt.

But and low and behold I got a text the very next day from a guy I dated 8 months before (known of for 2 years). I didn't even have his number on my phone correctly, I had to ask who it was.

Turns out he's been wanting to text me all summer long and apologize.

Since then, we've been out on several dates. He's been busy weekends so this past weekend we went on our first gay bar dates. I suggested we go out this Saturday and he suggested Friday too. I was floored. Things are going really really well. I told him I wanted to take things slow and we messed around (clothed) and it was hot.

He's actually everything I look for in a guy. Good looking, spiritual, great job, instructs fitness on the side, 3 year age difference, not too big not small . I've been really cautious about letting my walls down. I haven't been overly texting or calling or anything. He's so shy and I have to go in for the kiss, but once I'm there, he's all over me. Could it really be?

There is actually one small, haha, BIG hitch, he's considering going back to the seminary. UGH, it's too good to be true.

I actually could see myself with this guy for a long time. The 5-6 others, I knew in the back of my mind would never work. But this is different. We are at the exact same points in our lives otherwise. But for now we date and everyone cross their fingers for this is the real deal.

 

[LonelyFace]

My fingers are crossed! I hope you guys are happy together!

(what's a seminary?)

 

[josher]

^^It's a school for those preparing to be ministers/priests/rabbis.

 

[texpatriot]

Spence, it's all about timing.

From what you've shared it sounds like you might have been a little off.

He ain't in the Seminary yet.

*slips into the tight polyester cheerleader outfit*

 

[KaraBulut]

Well, you didn't ask for advice, so I'll keep it brief.

Relax. Don't overanalyze. Be honest. Don't drag your past into your present relationship.

And as any priest will tell you, being in the seminary is the last hoorah. You can do whatever you want until you take your vows.

 

[spencer]

Thanks, guys I'm crossing everything I've got. I guess I will ask a question.

When you started dating "the love of your life" did you hold back advances to keep their interest high? Did you let the other guy initiate intimacy. Or did you let the other one take control. I'm making sure not to text everyday, not to make all the plans, but what serves the best way?

I haven't texted since Sunday and since the weekend is coming up I figured I'd text. He said Thursday or Friday was good for going out. Should I have waited to see if he was gonna make plans.

I don't play games, but I don't wanna smother either.

 

[texpatriot]

Sorry Spence, I'm going to have to answer this incrementally.

Thanks, guys I'm crossing everything I've got. I guess I will ask a question.

When you started dating "the love of your life" did you hold back advances to keep their interest high?

Nope, just to keep them motivated!

Did you let the other guy initiate intimacy. Or did you let the other one take control.

I knew what he wanted, I just wanted him for work for it. To put himself out there!

And the way that he did was so fucking romantic!

The running joke was, "every straight guy is just a six-pack away from being gay."

We'd been out eating and drinking, and we stopped back by my place, and I gave him a hug before he walked out my door, but this time he didn't let me go, and whispered into my ear "I'm so FAR BEYOND A SIX-PACK!"

That was the beginning of the end, which neither of us saw coming.

I'm making sure not to text everyday, not to make all the plans, but what serves the best way?

Be a freak!

If he has some issues with it, then let him share with you what he's uncomfortable with.

I haven't texted since Sunday and since the weekend is coming up I figured I'd text. He said Thursday or Friday was good for going out. Should I have waited to see if he was gonna make plans.

NOPE!

To wait until Wednesday implies that you were waiting for something "better" to come along, but since something didn't you called him.

Don't pencil that shit in on the calender, butch it up and take the lead!

I don't play games, but I don't wanna smother either.

Nah, that comment shows a lack of confidence.

When you walk into a room, you fucking OWN IT!

If you want something/someone you go for it.

I've been accused of coming on too strong,

But my attitude is, "You're going to eat aren't you?"

"Do you want to eat alone, or do you want some company?"

 

[seven2go]

And as any priest will tell you, being in the seminary is the last hoorah. You can do whatever you want until you take your vows.

I haven't read where THAT stopped any of them.......

 

[spencer]

So I went out with Jeremy (new man) again last night. It's so nice to go out with him. He was talking about the future (which seems odd yet comforting). He talked about what he liked about me (which also was odd). We're going apple picking I think on Saturday and out again that night.

I guess this is working.

Oh and when I gave him a ride back from the 2nd bar to his car, he basically jumped me in the car, stuck his tongue down my throat and felt me up Guess I don't feel like I'm the only one initiating stuff now. I feel a lot better actually. I just hate when things go well in the beginning and they they drop out for no reason. But Jeremy talks about goign out next week and even going on a road trip for maybe Thanksgiving.

I still question, however is there a rule on who is supposed to take the lead in plans or initiating intimacy? How was it when you met the guy that you're with?

 

[Lube]

Congrats on the new hottie.

I still question, however is there a rule on who is supposed to take the lead in plans or initiating intimacy? How was it when you met the guy that you're with?

That's one of the things that's harder about single-sex relationships: There aren't any pre-conceived notions.

You just have to work things out in each relationship.

 

[spencer]

So Jeremy texted me and needed a ride. He had to much to drink at the charity event he was attending.

But there's a bigger story He's turned into a cheaper date because he hasn't been eating and he's been losing weight. I should have realized it because when I rubbed his back (he was feeling sick) I could feel his backbones really prominantly. I've rubbed his back before a couple weeks ago and it seems like he's losing weight.

Now I fear he has internal struggles and it's causing him to skip meals (as in choosing the friary versus me). I feel really sad for him now.

Anyone deal with anyone with an eating disorder before? I know it sounds like a jumping to conclusion, but in a past conversation he sort of made refernce to it and I didn't think anything of it at the time.

 

[LonelyFace]

Make sure he eats 3 meals a day. Make sure he does so in front of you. Accompany him to the bathroom (if need be) if he goes there after dinner.
Talk to him about it. Say something like, "are you ok? you don't look like you're feeling so good" or if you feel like you have to, mention his skeletal frame. But only if you feel like you have to.

Hope that helps a bit.

 

[spencer]

he mentions it himself. He says he doesn't look good too thin and you can see his ribs. when I mention about dieting (i'm not fat) he mentions I don't need to look to thin.

he said he skipped lunch and dinner on friday. I had no idea. when we go out we eat and when I cooked him dinner he ate more than I did and didn't go to the bathroom afterwards.

I think he'll be fine, but I'm sure he struggles. I struggle with my own inner stuff so it's not like I can judge either.

thanks.

 

[LonelyFace]

Sounds like it isn't an eating disorder, so I think you can sleep easy on that.

It sounds like his thin-ness is due to his own anxiety. I think the best you can do with that one is to just be loving and supporting. Be there for him and make sure he knows that. Other than that, the rest is up to him.

 

[spencer]

Remember how I said he mentioned it before. He talked about going to therapy after his ex broke up with him. Well, later I found out he was admitted to the hospital for not eating. I didn't pry to hear the details.

We did go out and had a normal dinner today. We talked about it and it seems he's fine. I think he does eat regularly but he practices skipping meals too.

I will say this though. He's the sweetest guy ever. If we're not going out before then I'm going to probably ask him to be my bf on his birthday next month.

And if you're wondering, he looks like Blake from QAF

 

[Captain53]

Sounds like it isn't an eating disorder, so I think you can sleep easy on that.

It sounds like his thin-ness is due to his own anxiety. I think the best you can do with that one is to just be loving and supporting. Be there for him and make sure he knows that. Other than that, the rest is up to him.

I think lonely is spot on here. I am very this myself and can loose weight at the drop of a hat. If I am anxious or upset, my eating goes off and I loose the weight. This has occurred lately due to falling in love with George. But now that we both know how we feel about each other and have decided to have a monogamous relationship the anxiety is gone and I have started to eat on a more regular basis. Just give you friend support and love. That is certainly what got me over this spot