could this be the source of my bisexuality...?

[nufanm]

ok so the other day i was talking to a friend who was saying that he's come across men who aren't really gay but end up being gay because people always say they're gay and they just sort of accept it as truth...

i was thinking about my own experience and realized that, unlike most gay people that i've talked about, i was never atracted to men or thought about men in a sexual way before my teen years. i've heard people say that they remember being 5 and looking at baseball cards and getting aroused with the players or watching a wrestling match and getting boners... none of that ever happened to me...

however... when i was in elementary, ever since 1st grade people always called me and my best friend gay. we would always hang out and it was usualy just me and him, no one else... we were pretty dorky and not into sports... people always called us fags, gays, or other similar terms...

when i was in 6th grade i remember watching porn for the first time at another friend's (funny enough, one of the many people who called me and my best friend gay) house... a whole bunch of kids spent the night, watched porn, and they would fool around with each other but no one got naked, just rubbing and such with our clothes on...

that's the first time i can recall ever thinking... u know what? i might like guys...

later, during junior high, the gay comments continued... i sort of had a reputation of being gay even though i had never kissed or done anything really sexual with a guy. one time i was sleeping over at my best friend's house and he suggested we jacked off each other... i said no the first time... he asked me again the next time i spent the night over and we did... we fooled around a few times after that and that was the end of my homosexual experiences back then... i always felt weird after.

Freshmen year of high school i had a gay stalker... a real one! he was older and it was a pretty weird experience. never did anything with him.

i never did anything with guys during high school... i would always go after girls, most wouldn't date me because of my reputation... i was always in private schools and everyone knew everyone and so my reputation followed me through the years.

i had a gf during sophomore year... never really have sex or anything... i didn't get to see her much. for the rest of high school i sort of became asexual... woudln't approach anyone... i was really depressed and lonely but very comfortable with who i was.

when in college i sort of became a make out slut... i partied a lot and made out with everyone i could... first it was only girls, then boys and i was fine with liking both. i fooled around with boys mostly because still most people labeled me as gay... did get to prove a couple of girls wrong... haha... however, no sex with either... i always thought i wouldn't just have casual sex, i would only have sex when i dated someone... either boy or girl.

last but not least i started dating a guy a year and a half ago. first person i had sex with... i mostly top. tried bottoming a couple of times and did not like it at all... i told him i liked girls and he was a bit hesitant about dating, but we've been together since.

ok well that's my backstory and i guess my question here is... did i end up bisexual because i sort of was pushed towards men all my life? people always thought i was gay and girls wouldn't do anything with me because of that... and i would always get guys wanting me... so i'm not sure if that's sort of why i ended up being bi...

any input?

 

[Va_Dinci]

I feel very similar to you, i went through a phase where I thought I had been pushed toward homosexuality (reputation at school etc. infact I still have the rep. as I haven't came out to anyone). But now I've just accepted that I am who I am, and that I would be gay even if they hadn't told me I was. I also started to think that maybe because I kinda subconsciously knew I was gay, maybe I gave off signals that made other people think I was, if you know what I'm saying.

 

[nufanm]

i guess so, but i feel like it's a bit different because i always wanted to be with girls and the reason why i feel i experimented with boys is because that's what i would usualy get... girls would think i'm gay and guys would approach me all the time, and being a horny teen i sort of took what i was offered

 

[nufanm]

i mean i'm comfortable with who i am... and always been... the moment i made out with a dude i was like: fine i liked it, don't call me gay because i'm also into girls, but i'm ok with having liked that experience.

the only reason why i'm wondering this now is because my friend mentioned something about how he thinks that some poeple are pushed to homosexuality and it struck my mind that maybe that could be true.

 

[dfwjacker]

So you feel like you submitted to being bisexual because others would tease you when you were younger that you were gay?

I have a hard time imagining that the words of others could influence a sexual attraction. I could see how they might influence behavior, but not attraction. That is if you are actually attracted to guys and not just faking it???

It could be that because of that fact that the issue of you sexuality was raised at a young age that you became more conscious of your sexuality and therefore had more time to ponder how you feel about it.

 

[nufanm]

well i do believe that everyone is born with some sort of bisexuality... but most people end up being straight because that's what society encourages... but yeah i guess i agree that since i was aware of different sexualities at an early age i questioned it more than most people and saw possibilities other than being heterosexual.

 

[Kyanimal]

I was pushed toward heterosexual! And, even throughout my twenties, I was quite successful at that! However, I always "Knew" better! I'm not sure exactly at what age (definitely before 10!), that I "Knew" I preferred "Playing With" Guys over Girls! But, I kept with those social expectations, only "straying" occassionally!

Do I regret my experiences with the "Fairer Sex"? Hell No!

What I do regret is not following, and taking full advantage of, my early inclinations, and opportunities, with Guys!

THANK GOD! I finally "Gave In"!!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[TrdMrk]

I've always wondered the same thing myself. My friend mentions more instances where he realized he was bisexual than I did (watching wrestling, sports, etc.); I guess it was up to me, however, to act on it.

 

[kayman23]

When I was young I had similiar instants happen to me where some folks called me gay, but by the time I was in high school it seemed to either go away or nobody was saying it to my face. I also was dating girls by then.

I've known since I was a child that I was attracted other guys. My main attraction towards girls didn't occur until puberty, but by then I was more attracted to them than dudes. That's when I was 13 that I realized I was bisexual because I was attracted to both this girl I was dating and a male close friend of mine at the same time. I have only slightly fooled around with guys, but most of my sexual experiences are with girls. I have a couple of gay friends, mostly lesbians, but they know that I'm very open-minded when it comes to sex and not just attracted to guys.

 

[jeune-romantique]

I'm no expert but as a hobby I read books on psychology. There is some proof that calling someone something (such as 'gay' and 'fat') actually causes the person to become that (it has to be continous and continue for some years), or in the case of being called 'fat' they become fatter (by believing they will always be fat). I'm not saying this is definate, I'm just saying it is interesting and possible.
It should be noted, however, that too be called gay for a long period of time a person probably exhibits attributes that are stereotypically related to homosexuality. Therefore it could be said a person is already gay, and the fact they are called gay has no relevance to their sexuality.
Please remember I am not saying this is 100%, just a possibility.

 

[kayman23]

You guys psychoanalyze this stuff WAY too much.

Just let it all go and just be yourself you'll be better in the long run and you won't have such guilt/hangups or be trying to find a "source" for your sexuality when it's impossible to do this, and even if you could find a "source" what good would it do?

I see my bisexuality as being a natural part of me and it's not based on a "source", or environmental factors like who I grew up with or any of the other things that people are saying in this thread like someone teased someone and told them "you're gay".

It's simple I like men and women sexually and I'm not heterosexual and I'm not homosexual even if I have times, sometimes months for a time where I am totally into men and I don't want a woman at all.

There is a simple definition for bisexuality, that being a person who is "sexually oriented to both sexes". if you are sexually attracted to both men and women, you are bisexual. you do not have to have a verifiable sexual scorecard. you do not have to have been totally in love with either sex. you do not have to pass go, get bingo, or be able to do a headstand. if you are attracted to both men and women, you are bisexual.

I personally do happen to fall in love with both men and women but not everyone that's bi is like this or falls in love with both genders some people just want sex with one gender and there's nothing wrong with this.

Amen to that! I happen to fall in that very same category although I haven't fallen in love with anybody for nearly 4 years.

 

[natedogg323]

Everything around us effects our makeup. Our enviroment, our influence's, people we associate ourselves with. It all makes us who we are. We are only born with so much inherent behavoir. The rest is learned. I have to say I believe that to an extent some people have swayed to one side of the fence or the other based on others influence on their lives. Being called gay or a fag constintly especially through out their teens can influence that person into believing their gay/bi.
We are not all privelidged enough to have known right out of the womb what our sexual preference is. For some of us it takes years to figure out. We're not looking for a label, we're trying to find ourselves. To understand what the fuck is going on inside of our minds. At least thats what it is for me.

 

[Falconlover]

ok so the other day i was talking to a friend who was saying that he's come across men who aren't really gay but end up being gay because people always say they're gay and they just sort of accept it as truth...

i was thinking about my own experience and realized that, unlike most gay people that i've talked about, i was never atracted to men or thought about men in a sexual way before my teen years. i've heard people say that they remember being 5 and looking at baseball cards and getting aroused with the players or watching a wrestling match and getting boners... none of that ever happened to me...

however... when i was in elementary, ever since 1st grade people always called me and my best friend gay. we would always hang out and it was usualy just me and him, no one else... we were pretty dorky and not into sports... people always called us fags, gays, or other similar terms...

when i was in 6th grade i remember watching porn for the first time at another friend's (funny enough, one of the many people who called me and my best friend gay) house... a whole bunch of kids spent the night, watched porn, and they would fool around with each other but no one got naked, just rubbing and such with our clothes on...

that's the first time i can recall ever thinking... u know what? i might like guys...

later, during junior high, the gay comments continued... i sort of had a reputation of being gay even though i had never kissed or done anything really sexual with a guy. one time i was sleeping over at my best friend's house and he suggested we jacked off each other... i said no the first time... he asked me again the next time i spent the night over and we did... we fooled around a few times after that and that was the end of my homosexual experiences back then... i always felt weird after.

freshman year of high school i had a gay stalker... a real one! he was older and it was a pretty weird experience. never did anything with him.

i never did anything with guys during high school... i would always go after girls, most wouldn't date me because of my reputation... i was always in private schools and everyone knew everyone and so my reputation followed me through the years.

i had a gf during sophomore year... never really have sex or anything... i didn't get to see her much. for the rest of high school i sort of became asexual... woudln't approach anyone... i was really depressed and lonely but very comfortable with who i was.

when in college i sort of became a make out slut... i partied a lot and made out with everyone i could... first it was only girls, then boys and i was fine with liking both. i fooled around with boys mostly because still most people labeled me as gay... did get to prove a couple of girls wrong... haha... however, no sex with either... i always thought i wouldn't just have casual sex, i would only have sex when i dated someone... either boy or girl.

last but not least i started dating a guy a year and a half ago. first person i had sex with... i mostly top. tried bottoming a couple of times and did not like it at all... i told him i liked girls and he was a bit hesitant about dating, but we've been together since.

ok well that's my backstory and i guess my question here is... did i end up bisexual because i sort of was pushed towards men all my life? people always thought i was gay and girls wouldn't do anything with me because of that... and i would always get guys wanting me... so i'm not sure if that's sort of why i ended up being bi...

any input?

You understand yourself well. You do not need advice: you know why you are living your life the way you are. It sounds as though you would be happier with a girl, though.

Falonlover.

 

[Matthew-]

I dont think you become bi or gay because someone tells you that you are...

 

[Chris1984]

If you could be influenced like that, there would be a lot less gay guys around. The majority of gay guys are pushed towards heterosexuality, but they are gay nonetheless. I don't believe you can be changed based on someone's teasing, if that were the case I'd be straight as an arrow, and thats obviously not the case

 

[TheTrish]

Hi, nuf! We are all born sexual. Peeps may influence what we do, but they don't "cause" anything.

T

 

[blech]

Wow, your story is almost the same as mine.

My whole elementery school years, I would be called gay by the bullies [I never did anything that was remotely "gay"...I just went to school, didn't do sports, but it's not like I played with the girls all the time] By the time I reached 5th grade I was really into Marilyn Manson and Korn and Deftones, I became really distant from a lot of the kids my age. I also didn't grow up around the more "hood" areas like my cousins had, so I always got questions by them. My sister, when we would fight, would call me "FAG" and I would cry so hard.

To make a long story short, my whole life I have been called gay by people who are more "mainstream" like frats and the hip hop lovers and surfers.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

There is a theory which says that a flap of butterfly wings can cause a storm somewhere else. If that is true(???), calling you a 'gay' may have pushed you into that direction to some extent. After all, you survived all the teasing and name calling. What was there for you to lose, if you really did the deed and screwed around with other dudes, too?

I still firmly believe that our sexual orientation comes rather neatly delivered in a genetic parcel. I also tend to believe that we can do precious very little about it, no matter how hard we, the society and all the pressure groups try, one way or the other.

The other valid point is the one about the 'situational nature' of your m2m hook ups. Men were easier to score with and since there was a buzz about you anyway, they approached you and were willing. You did not turn them down. You wanted sex. And sex you got... And you did not really care about the buzz in the first place either.

You are most probably genuinely a bi-dude. Few guys around you tested the waters and saw no notable resistance coming from your side in any form. So, the buzz continued. You kept marching to your own drums and the fact that the buzz partly reflected the truth did not make it a cause of your behavior but a matter of a partial coincidence.

SC

 

[Shepherd 2]

Well what do you know,
today is my first visit to this forum.
Was I surprised?
Yeah! Here were a lot of gay men posting
a bisexual thread.
Shep+

 

[Mutinous]

I think you are holding too much power into your peers. No one can make you something you are not, not completely anyways. They may have forced it out of you sooner, but something must have been there. Many people get labelled and it doesn't mean thy become that label.

Sorry you had such a hard time