Courting

[sandwich19]

Hi guys

Any advice you can give on

-determining someone's orientation
-and telling if they are interested in you?

I haven't actually talked to him yet, so if you have any ways to tell without talking that would be great, although either would be hugely appreciated.

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB! The easiest way to find out if someone's gay? Fuck him in the ass. If he stays hard, he's probably gay.

Seriously, though, no - there is no really good way of telling if someone's gay. There are hints, suggestions, possible signs, but none of them are conclusive. And that's true of determining interest as well.

The best way to find out if someone's gay? Tell him YOU're gay.
The best way to find out if he's interested in you? Tell him YOU're interested in HIM.

Yeah, yeah, I know. You don't want him to know you're gay unless you know he's gay first. And you don't want him to know you're interested until you find out if he's interested. But then again, he might be feeling the same way. In which case, you're at an impasse. Both of you sitting around waiting for the other to make a move.

Make the first move.

Lex

 

[TX-Beau]

Carpe Diem!

No guts no Glory!

Are you a man or a mouse?

and other useful pithy sayings

Take hold of your scrotum, and toss the dice. If you don't, you won't next time, and then you'll just have a lot of regrets, and no memorable blowjobs.

Confidence boy! Even if he says no, you had the courage to go after what you wanted. I usually just take the first opportunity to bring up something gay in context with something me. For example"

"...yeah, I had a date at (place x), it was great, but the guy wasn't..." Or some such kind of comment. You can find ones that fit you. Once he knows you're gay, then ask him out if he doesn't say anything, or if he tells you he's gay.

Straight men around here will ALWAYS tell you they're straight the moment they find out you're not.

 

[sandwich19]

Yeah I already planned on atleast dropping hints, but was just wondering if you had any ways to indicate beforehand (obviously I'm not just going to do it right from the start ).

 

[G-Lexington]

There are literally thousands of clues that a guy is gay. Thousands. The fact that he's friends with you, and the fact that you even think he might be gay are two huge indications that he probably is.

Lex

 

[Just_Believe18]

You've barely given us any information here. Who is this person? How do you know them? Why haven't you talked to them yet? Most importantly, how are you crushing on someone you haven't even had a conversation with? No wonder you're clueless about their sexuality.

 

[KaraBulut]

-determining someone's orientation

Ask.

-and telling if they are interested in you?

If the answer to the above is gay/bi, then ask them out.


It's no different than what the straight people do. Only the plumbing is different.

 

[sandwich19]

Well I've talked to him a few times, and he seems nice, although they were brief conversations.

He is in 3 of my classes, so I see him for about ~2 hours a day. For 2 of them, he sits next to someone else who he is already friends with.

For the other lecture he always sits next to me if someone isn't there already, else he sits behind me. Unfortunately everyone sits with one or two empty seats between each other for some reason, so you can't really have a casual conversation as he is stilling sitting quite far away. Everytime we've talked it has been as we've been leaving, although I had to start every conversation.

He also isn't very approachable and is texting on his phone whenever there has been an opportunity to approach him, and I don't want to seem rude and interrupt him.

Tomorrow we have a tutorial together where the room is much smaller, so you are kind of forced to sit next to someone. I'll try and grab a seat next to him then; we also both have a test on Monday and will have about 4 hours beforehand to kill waiting for it, so I'll try to ask him if he wants to meet up before to study for it.

 

[NJboyNVa]

Whats Up sand.
look, hold your head up,
go up to him and strike up a conversation.
check out how receptive he is. Check out his vibe.
worry about his sexuality later.
for real if you're trying to hollar at him for romance, you need to get to know him first anyway. and be friends.
good luck, son...

 

[sandwich19]

Hopefully its just a case of breaking the ice, which I should be able to do tomorrow if all goes well.

 

[NJboyNVa]

Hopefully its just a case of breaking the ice, which I should be able to do tomorrow if all goes well.

yup yup....be positive! it WILL go well not IF all goes well.

 

[sandwich19]

Hah yeah, although I was saying the yesterday, and then his friend took his attention today. Curse you, friend!

 

[sandwich19]

Well no opportunity to talk to him today; he walked straight past me without looking and started talking to someone else.

My normal seating area was also screwed up in the second lecture as the first went over time, so I ended up sitting next to someone totally different.

Anyway I've gone off him a bit, which is probably for the best. He was talking to this person and sounded pretty casual/slangy, which is a turn off for me, although he wasn't like that when talking to me.

 

[Lube]

There are literally thousands of clues that a guy is gay. Thousands. The fact that he's friends with you, and the fact that you even think he might be gay are two huge indications that he probably is.

Lex

Quoted for truth.

Don't overanalyze the situation. People act in weird ways. People often act against their best interests. He could be really into you, but playing hard to get or trying to act disinterested because he doesn't want to show how desperately he wants to get into your pants.

Or he could be checking out the girl behind you.

Take action. It's the only way to find out.

 

[yourally]

I have some advice.

Last semester this HOT guy was sitting by himself. So the second class, I went up to him and asked if he took good notes(prof was very boring),see? An excuse to talk. Then I sat next to him every single class and found an excuse to talk. I think he's bi, but either way, he has a gf. Still, I made a friend.

Don't take it personal that he walked past you. Guys do that. No explanation other than that he probably wants you to approach him. Or maybe he had something important on his mind to talk about.

DON'T doubt yourself. Force yourself to at least say hi to him every time you see him. Don't leave it at hi if you can manage, ask how he is, if he started studying,well...kinda late now, on Monday after the exam, ask how he did.

Talk about the exam,then bring up meeting together for the next exam. Ask about him: if he dorms, what town he's from, plays sports, try and get to know him. Unless he's a jerkoff, he'll answer and ask you the same questions. Don't try and be anything other than yourself. Don't force conversation if it gets awkward. Say things like,"See you next class" to confirm you're going to start talking to him every time and let him know your intentions.

If he thinks you're lame, it's his loss. I doubt it though, because the same thing happened to me. This guy kept gravitating towards me each class (even though there were plenty of other empty seats), until last class he sat two seats away from me, it was always in front of me, behind me, etc. So I found excuses to talk, like he had a sandwhich marked $5 and I asked why he bought such an expensive sandwhich(haha,it made good convo)

Next class,I asked to see his notes, then when class was ending,asked if I could copy them next class and introduced myself. The normal, bored face lit up when I introduced myself,so next class I'm going to sit next to him, and just be there, friendly and well... I hope it works out for you

 

[sandwich19]

Thanks for the advice.

I'm usually pretty good with conversation with people, although it's just getting it started with him. He's not the most approachable person, even when he is just outside by himself waiting for the lecture to start there just seems to be an invisible wall up.

I try to do the old 'eye contact and smile' but he looks away too quickly. Anyway I'll see what happens tomorrow.

 

[yourally]

Well Monday, you'll have a weapon to break down his wall. Ask how his weekend was, if he's ready for the exam and lead that into something interesting. Most likely he won't want to talk only about the exam.
If you have no idea what to talk about...ask people about what he's into, like if he plays sports,does theater...something...

So get to class early on Monday!

Don't feel bad if other classmates come and he stops talking to you to talk to him. You're not his bff, but if you're just friendly and suggest hanging out after you feel he isn't annoyed, by you..who knows?

 

[sandwich19]

Yeah, as long as he's there early aswell

 

[sandwich19]

Well we had a nice long talk yesterday about the exam and some other things, didn't have a chance to talk today though, but tomorrow we will.

 

[cinematographia]

Well I'm where you are at right now, Sandwich, so don't think you're the only one incapable of pulling the trigger.

I'm in a few classes here at SF State with a cute guy and for WEEKS now we've been making eyes at each other and doing the smiling thing and GOD is it frustrating. I've made a move to discussion twice but both times was too much of a chicken to just ask him out or something. And he won't because I have a tendency to carry a slightly hetero vibe and I'm positive he's unsure as to which way I swing.

Part of me wonders when this will end. I've confidently asked boys out before, but it seems like every once in a while there's a set of eyes that just move you backwards towards being sixteen again and suddenly you're crushing on someone.

But like others have said it all comes down to saying "Fuck it" and walking up to him.