Coworker Crush snuck up on me

[Just_Believe18]

I have been trying to formulate an appropriate response to this thread for the past few days, but I have to say that hungrybrownbear nailed it on the head.

Phoenix, although you felt like your intentions were honest and responsible, they weren't. Until any divorce is finalized, this man is still a married man. You were seduced under the pretext that somehow a separation gives the green light for someone to move into another man's marriage.

However, as we have warned so many men before you on this board, any involvement in another's marriage, particularly when kids are involved, is a recipe for disaster. Yes, you have this strong connection with this married man. Nevertheless, you will always come secondary to his children. Always. A lot of gay men do not understand that. A man will always put his children first before his sex with you.

I do want to commend you for at least trying to be sensible through all of this. You've made a mistake, and you're doing your best to try to stay mature through it. The sooner you recognize the hole you've dug yourself in, the faster you can climb out of it and move on with your life with someone who is single and openly gay to want to be your boyfriend.

 

[AngolaZee]

Nothing worse than a person living in denial

"I really don't consider myself to be hung up in such a way that is unhealthy at this point."

Well guess what everything you posted indicates otherwise

"he never became such an integral part of who I am that I can't get on without him"

Again, have you moved on..... nope...... so you are obviously fooling yourself there

"He never came to me and said "It's over between you and me. The wife wants me back." He came to me and said "I talked to Anna today and she wants to try to work things out and fix what's left of our marriage. Let's talk about this." "

Semantics its the same thing, in short he dumped you to get back with his wife, does not matter how he phrased it.

There is a lot I want to say here but I fear it will not build you but break you so I will just say you need counselling because it is clear that previous relationships have taken their toll (even though you insist you are fine from a mental health perspective everything you post indicates otherwise).

This is a classic "mistress" scenario and you have allowed yourself to be played by selfish bastard whose duplicity is hurting two people. What really worries me is that you seem to think that if you asked him to choose what makes him happy he would choose you. FAT CHANCE. His wife snapped her fingers and he was back with her. He might say it was for the sake of the children, DUH that what every husband with a mistress says "we are working t out for the sake of the children". These types of people are always sweet, charming etc how else would they pull these schemes off if they were ugly and repulsive. they know how to play your weak points and mentally manipulate you. A lonely GAY guy like you was a sitting duck for this

Why would you put yourself through this whole situation unless you are clearly suffering from self-esteem issues. You allowed him to cross a line that he shouldnt have right from the start when you allowed him to flirt with you, putting his hands on your knees etc that line must never be crossed so dont you dare talk about "Me and James did nothing wrong because we only got sexual after the wife had left" Until that divorced was finalised you had no business being involved in any way with him.

He's not stringing you along, you are stringing yourself along. The only innocent person here is his wife who is being deceived by BOTH OF YOU. This is just extremely selfish by both of you regardless of whether you are naive or not what part of leave him alone dont you understand.