Cross generation friendship

[Georgiadude]

you seem to be irritated and frustrated with this guy. really not much of a friendship if you feel like he is "bugging" you non stop. Friends don't do that to each other. No matter the age difference. I check in with my friends once, maybe twice a day if there is something going on. Bugging someone all day is being a nuisance, not a friend. He can't see the boundaries and hasn't caught on that he's being inappropriate. If I were in your shoes I'd probably put an end to the relationship. This is only going to get worse.

Good luck and please don't let it keep you from having friends of all ages. Don't let one bad experience change you like that.

 

[irish1]

I have friends 30 years older than me, and 15 years younger than me; and I mean friends.

My partner and I are only two years apart. I like that because we have a similar recall of history, politics, music and fads. We laugh alot at our generation.

Even as a couple we have friends of a wide spectrum of age.

As long as he is not a troll, he can be a great friend.

 

[FPNY]

I think it's weird that hes telling you he loves you after knowing each other such a short time. You become friends with who you become friends with, regardless of age. If it takes this amount of headspace it probably aint worth it.
besides, you're supposed to look forward and be happy to hearing from your friends, not dread it.

 

[CudDULL]

Thanks for the advice guys, I would feel guilty rejecting him as a friend considering he is helping me get a job, thats how we initially met and thats why this whole situation came as a surprise. I only saw our relationship as casual business but like i said he came on strong and wanted to hang out and I felt bad if I said no. But really there only so much I can take and I rather it go back to cordial business if our friendship is going no where. I'm also not letting a bad apple ruin the bunch.

 

[BINOWGAYLATER]

Of course you can have friends from "another generation" - why not -

It's mind over matter - if you don't mind - it doesn't matter !!!

It's not easy - it's not for everyone - throw sex into it - and it's way more complicated.

I like to "be a friend" to the young kids at work - but not all of them can see me that way - they see their grandfather instead --

yet others that know me a bit more - are kind of amazed that I "know" so much about current things - like chat language and twitter and stuff --
But they think it's crazy that I don't text !

Just judge your "friends" by the things that bring you together -- it doesn't have to be everything --
friends come and go in your life for different reasons at diffeent times - and they are bound to be different ages -- I wouldn't spend too much time captioning everything with - but his' soo much older --
the end. -- crawls back under bridge

 

[justsimon]

My friends range in age from 2 to 70+.

 

[crowboy]

I was going to respond to a number of posts with quotes but it got too much.

What I will say is cross generation friendship is possible. It may just add another complexity to the friendship. Whenever you add the possibility of more than friendship that makes it much harder.

I actually went to lunch with a younger guy today. We have been online friends for a while and met for the first time today. He is 17 years younger than me .

But we had a lot in common to talk about. Our short lunch and coffee meet ended up going on for hours. We talked non stop and head a great time just chatting. We will keep in touch. It worked because we had things in common.

Thanks to all who have posted and added their thoughts on this situation. Good thread OP.

 

[voyager1994]

Can people be friends with each other even if there is a huge age gap between them? More specifically can gay guys have a successful friendship even if there is a huge age gap in between?

Based on how you describe this person, my answers are No and No.

If you want a friend who's 30-40 years older than you, then at a least choose the one who's mature and who acts his age. Otherwise, stick to the neighborhood of your age group and stay out of trouble.

 

[thewiz]

Can we be friends? I sure hope so.

When I came out four years ago and moved to DC, I got involved in a number of activities. Playing on a touch football league, kickball, and rowing, most of my friends are in the 19 to 30 age bracket. Because I am physically fit and outgoing, I tend to get along well with guys (and gals) of all ages. Most of the guys think I'm in my 30's and the women seem to think the same.

Since I have two step-children and two children that range from 20 to 29 years of age, I am very familiar with the struggles, challenges, and issues that they face. It is easy to talk with guys in that age range (especially in Washington) because of politics, government and current events. I work in those areas daily; the door is open.

My partner is 27 and we get along well. He has always dated guys older and finds no attraction (sexually or other) to young guys. I find him hot! lol!

One of my best friends is 24. Cass and I became best friends when he broke up with his live-in boyfriend and was thrown out (literally) into the hallway of the complex in which we lived. I was leaving the next day for a two week trip and had known him and his (now) ex for some time so I told him he was welcome to sleep on the couch while I was gone and water the plants.

At the time he was 20 years old. His mom and dad were sure I was being nice because I was hoping for sex...Cass and I laughed about it often. We never did and his parents now visit and take me out to dinner and laugh. They were not used to someone being nice; hell, he was like my son!

I have friends who are in their 70's and 80's; I have friends (and will be having lunch) with a friend who is 19 and a student at GWU (we play football together).

I find I learn and keep young from my friendships; I also hear different perspectives from those my age and older.

The one thing I did find in coming out at 48 years old: I was not normal in many ways. The guys I met that were my age all warned me how my kids would hate me; how life was horrible; how I had not paid "my dues" by suffering through the Stonewall years. Some of the sexual propositions I faced were really wild as well! Most of them thought I was 30 and it probably didn't help that I usually ended up leaving with a guy that was in his 20's or 30's!

But I tend to have a young perspective on life, on living, on enjoying. I love to laugh, I love life, and I do not enjoy those that don't.

Maybe it's why I can have such a range of those I friend (and more).

 

[Elwood]

I definitely think they are possible having several younger friends myself. But reading what you have said about this guy I would be very careful he seems to want more then friendship. The only advice I would give you is just be very upfront with your intentions towards him. Just make sure he is aware that you are only interested in friendship.

 

[blackbeltninja]

Thanks for the advice guys, I would feel guilty rejecting him as a friend considering he is helping me get a job, thats how we initially met and thats why this whole situation came as a surprise. I only saw our relationship as casual business but like i said he came on strong and wanted to hang out and I felt bad if I said no. But really there only so much I can take and I rather it go back to cordial business if our friendship is going no where. I'm also not letting a bad apple ruin the bunch.

I think it can be fine provided you both know what you want/expect from the relationship. If one hopes to be friends while other is angling for lovers it will get awkward. By the same token, you need to appreciate where each other is in life.

I am 33 now; I have close friends ranging from about 19 to about 55 (but most are 25-35). The 55s don't expect to be invited out clubbing and the 19s don't expect to be invited to a quiet dinner party; probably because neither of them would appreciate the experience. If one of the 19s seemed inclined to dinner parties as opposed to clubbing of course he would crack the nod from time to time, but for the most part they have their niches and comfort zones and I think part of being a good friend is recognising that. Part of being a good friend is also knowing when and where you're wanted, and when and where the other guy needs his space.

-d-

 

[That70sJoe]

I have friends of all ages because we all belong to the same club (roller sports). The only thing that's sometimes funny and sometimes annoying is that with the older guys like me (I'm 39) is that we sometimes forget that some of our club friends were born in in '84 and '85. Lol

 

[Shepherd 2]

Shep walks into this thread with trepidation. I am nearing my seventieth birthday in a couple of months, but I have a young outlook on life. Of course my view on many things is profoundly affected by the era I grew up, the society that not only hated gay men, but routinely jailed them just because they were gay. Have a know sexual relationship, and you could have been incarcerated for years.

That aside, the question is what is the purpose of the relationship, is it just friendship, a friend to share a meal and to see a movie in a theater or to attend a concert. If it is intimacy, I allow myself to a much narrower age group, closer to my age.

There are many variables here, and I reluctantly came here to post, for I have had some damn hateful things said to me here, and ageism is a point of view of some with its skewed stereotypes. Enough said, I have friends of all ages, but I have my deepest friendships with men who are closer my age.

Your JUB neighbor,
Shep+

 

[That70sJoe]

Shep walks into this thread with trepidation. I am nearing my seventieth birthday in a couple of months, but I have a young outlook on life. Of course my view on many things is profoundly affected by the era I grew up, the society that not only hated gay men, but routinely jailed them just because they were gay. Have a know sexual relationship, and you could have been incarcerated for years.

That aside, the question is what is the purpose of the relationship, is it just friendship, a friend to share a meal and to see a movie in a theater or to attend a concert. If it is intimacy, I allow myself to a much narrower age group, closer to my age.

There are many variables here, and I reluctantly came here to post, for I have had some damn hateful things said to me here, and ageism is a point of view of some with its skewed stereotypes. Enough said, I have friends of all ages, but I have my deepest friendships with men who are closer my age.

Your JUB neighbor,
Shep+

Good answer, Shep! I agree that at the end of the day (in most cases) we're closest friends with our age group.

 

[CoolguyAT]

I have plenty of friends that are older than me - in fact, i'd say most of my gay friends are at least 10 years or more older than I am. Two of my very best friends are in their early 40s. I don't see the big issue, like others have mentioned, I laugh with them, cry with them, talk with them, etc. I am just as much there for them as they are for me.

In terms of maturity, I have always been more mature for my age so men and women who are older than me typically are better for conversations - that's just been my experience.

So to answer the OP's question, YES cross generation friendships can work, and you can in fact learn a lot!

 

[That70sJoe]

I have plenty of friends that are older than me - in fact, i'd say most of my gay friends are at least 10 years or more older than I am. Two of my very best friends are in their early 40s. I don't see the big issue, like others have mentioned, I laugh with them, cry with them, talk with them, etc. I am just as much there for them as they are for me.

In terms of maturity, I have always been more mature for my age so men and women who are older than me typically are better for conversations - that's just been my experience.

So to answer the OP's question, YES cross generation friendships can work, and you can in fact learn a lot!

Thanks for writing that. I get self-conscious sometimes with our younger set of friends in my club that they think we're just old farts so I try not to sound too old. I'm still myself but I just don't talk about the past too much. Lol

 

[BeMused]

I keep reading "cross-polination" when I read this thread title...damn you Gregor Mendel!! *shakes fist*

On topic: Nothing wrong with having friends in a different age cohort. It's just unconventional because in person, it's harder to meet people from different age groups because activities are often different. Online age is generally ambiguous and unimportant, and real friendships can be cultivated, brought into the real world and flourish across generations.