crush on active duty...

[bluedragon4]

Now you can go up to him and talk about the movie. When he asks if that was you girlfriend say no she's not my type and give him a shit eating grin.

 

[breatheH20]

This is a pretty difficult situation.. The whole military thing is a whole 'nother spiel.. All I can say is, get close to him..

...not invading his personal space or nothing like that..

but get acquainted with him.. The opportunity of something going somewhere is much greater if you establish some sort of contact with the guy.

Much luck to you, and keep us updated.

 

[RukkuS]

The problem is not this guy. The problem is not that you are attracted to him. The problem is that you are trying to have it both ways- out with girls but attracted to guys.

Solve that one big problem and you'll probably make a lot more progress solving the other little problems.

Did you forget that I am bi-curious? I've had plenty of girlfriends before, so sue me if I want to spent a friday night with a nice cute girl. Am I supposed to automatically pick sides now and refuse to date girls just because I think some airman is hot and he MIGHT be in a random town far away in the same movie theatre, at the same time, watching the same movie? That's ridiculous...

 

[RukkuS]

Now you can go up to him and talk about the movie. When he asks if that was you girlfriend say no she's not my type and give him a shit eating grin.

thats pretty cleaver. I might actually try that. It's a 3 day weekend, so tuesday if I see him then i'll ask him about the movie.


...then we'll go into a back room and makeout like horny band geeks. kidding.

 

[RukkuS]

Moral of the story, tread very carefully when dealing with airmen, or any military personnel. He probably is interested like you say, but has almost everything to loose if anyone else on base found out he was even thinking about living a lifestyle like that.

Thats exactly my point! Thanks for making it more clear to all the other readers out here who haven't dealt with an Active Duty person. It's a tought situation, but it's true. By the age of 18, most men know they are gay or know they have an abnormal attraction to men. So when they sign that contract to join the military, they are pretty much agreeing to be "straight" for the next 4 years of your life. Maybe they're trying to convert themselves and they think it will help, whatever the issue is, it's INCREDIBLY hard to get an active person to open up because of all the reprocussions they will face. Even if they have accepted that they are gay, they will pretty much be fighting those gay urges until they are out of the service.

 

[Blueboy369]

Look,
You shouldn't feel like becoming friends with him is such a big deal. Just relax and let the conversation flow naturally. If nothing else, at least you made a friend.

 

[MaxMouse]

I love your story it is so cute...I totally understand the whole in the closet thing... My advice to you is small talk constantly until you become comfortable and learn his name...from there? I can't give good advice...I have been in your situation, got to know their names and got comfortable with small talk but it never went further because I wasn't amazingly close with them to talk about relationships and didn't have the guts to talk about anything else...No matter what though, you're at a military base so you know he's horny...if you've got guts go for it

 

[Huskerboy]

Oh RukkuS... man I really feel for you... just reading your posts made ME frustrated!!! I think you've got to keep playing this game until the moment is right. Keep things light and casual until you're both in the right place a the right time - then go for it! Have "eye sex" with him as often as you can (gawd, I love that! May I borrow that?) and enjoy the thrill of it all... and by all means, keep us posted!!!

 

[RukkuS]

I don't think your dilemma is lost on any of us, and I'd think us incredibly naive if we believed that gay servicemen don't engage during their military tenures. Some rules are designed to be broken and I'm assuming that most gays understand this going in. The trick is breaking those unreasonable rules without getting caught, and honestly, that doesn't seem all that difficult to me.

I don't think it's naive at all to think that gay servicemen do not engage in homosexual acts during their time in. Afterall, I am not in the service and I myself have not engaged in a homosexual act ever. So there are known cases of this...

You're also missing the point all together. First off yes, some rules are made to be broken, but being gay in the military isn't the same as being gay in an all boys school. It is not something to be taken lightly and it is something that can make or break your career. The military isn't just some regular 9 to 5 job where you can go home and live a seperate life. They know everything about you from personal doctors appointments to what form of transportation you are taking when you leave town for vacation. Plus, this person in particular isn't just doing the regular 4 years in and out routine. He went into the academy as an airman and graduated as a 2nd leutenant meaning he plans to quickly advance up the chain of command. I guess it was my mistake referring him to an "airman" all this time, but it shouldn't really matter. He is making a career out of the military, not just a minimum 4 year and it's a lot easier said than done to cheat the system. And even if it was easy to cheat the system, the risk might not be as worth it to him as it may be to you.

Coming from a civilian like yourself, it's very easy to sit back and say its easy to break the rules, but it really isnt if you have plans and dreams like his to advance and become a respectable officer in the military.

Maybe you should try going through bootcamp, basic training and then continue onto 4 years of service at a military base all the while being openly gay and see how much respect and bruises you get during the process. Let me know how easy it is for you and you will be my hero. I guarantee you, you will get a talk from your supervisor telling you to keep your sexuality to yourself (basically telling you to stop being openly gay) even if you havent hit on anybody. Oh and FYI - you can forget about having a myspace which states your gay and in the service, attending any gay pride events, etc. When your in the service, you are representing the united states military as a whole 24/7 and by having homosexual, political mockery, etc. on your myspace or attend any other events, you are being disrespectful to yourself and your country.

 

[RukkuS]

You know what this means don't you? You need to rush over to your nearest gay bar and when you see him there, you walk up to him and say, where have you been all my life?

Believe me, if I ever went into a gay bar and spotted him in there, i'd do a lot more to him than just say that.

PS - our demographics are fucked up. Nobody likes t3h gheys around here. The nearest gay bar is only on thursday nights in a city an hour away. Other than that, you must travel to LA which is 2.5-3.0 hours away.

 

[paboy67]

hey Rukkus,

have been reading this thread - and feel your angst.

just wanted to go back to a comment you made on the last page - and suggest an edit - "by age 18 most guys feel a NORMAL attraction to men!!" - hehehe sorry.

yes, I AM naughty.

hey, you have run into this guy off base a few times, why don't you just get the courage to actualy talk to the guy? - ask him if he would like to get a beer - and go and have one with him (a beer that is) and talk.

you may find out that you really just don't like him, or maybe you will.

maybe he isn't having eye sex with you (which would be a shame) - but at least you will then know and can get on with your life.

maybe he has been having incredible eye sex with you and has been jacking off thinking about you for months - which would be good.

maybe the poor schmuck thinks that you are straight - cos you wont talk to him and he keeps seeing you out with girls? and as a result he is too scared to make the first move

having said all of this there is such a thing as chemistry and making a connection with someone - and if your eye sex is reciprocal - it sounds like you have made one!

for goodness sake, asking a guy who you work with for a drink can't be seen as being gay - straight guys drink too

remember, you are asking him for a drink , not asking him for a sizzling hot sex session - no matter how much we all know that you would really rather that

keep us posted

xxx

 

[RukkuS]

^^Thanks a lot man. Yeah, all of those things have definitely crossed my mind so far. I was thinking that maybe all of this little crush stuff could be for no reason and I could end up actually meeting him and not liking him. HA. That would be a big self esteem booster, eh? And yes, there is also the possibility that he is straight as well. Bleh. Who knows...I guess I could ask him for a drink, but that wouldn't seem weird? Considering the fact that I do not know him at all and technically I don't know his name. Plus, thats just not in my personality to ask complete strangers (men at that) to go have a drink with me. I see what you're saying and in a sense, it could be a real quick test if he's into me. If he says yes, then I struck gold and if he says no, then I can move on. It's just a little scary. I think i'll hold off on that stuff for a little longer, and just focus on actually having a conversation with him. One step at a time. haha. Thanks a lot though man, I really appreciate it.

 

[paboy67]

hey dude,

well have the conversation, and do it at a time that you can reasonably say, hey, wanna grab a beer, and if the chat is working, then go for it and invite the guy to get a drink - then get him pissed and see what develops!!

yes, I AM evil!!

seriously, you can start talking to him - and you sort of have already at the bar, by saying, hey, I 've seen you around a bit lately, what do you do here? (unless of course he is totally classified!)

and that line is true, you have seen him around, and from what you have said, he has seen you too!

if he is gay, he will know that you have noticed him, if he is straight, he probably wouldn't even notice because the statement, if casually made, is totally true!!

if he is gay, he has already noticed you on some level - you can't be having the kind of connection that you have talked about with him doing so

I suppose you could even say, hey, everywhere I go, there you are - are you stalking me??? - but probably better not to!

when all this comes together - as we all hope it will, i do want to see some pics of the two of you going at it - with him in his uniform!!! (did I say above that I was evil???)

cheers man.

 

[RukkuS]

when all this comes together - as we all hope it will, i do want to see some pics of the two of you going at it - with him in his uniform!!! (did I say above that I was evil???)

cheers man.

 

[paboy67]

ok boy,

so that was a mixed message reply!!!

xxx

 

[innocentbychoice]

He is NOT str8.

Ok ok I don't know him, but you said you thought he was gay and that people at your office say that. And you're a closeted guy and still your -very undeveloped- gaydar found him. So I think he might be gay.

I remember having doubts about people being gay or not when I was in the closet and didn't have a "gay life". When I was out I was like "That guy was so obvious, how come I had any doubts???"

 

[tmb1]

Military men are discouraged from entering gay bars so even if this airmen was gay/bi/curious he never would be found there.

Oh please! They may be discouraged from entering gay bars, but trust me that doesnt mean they don't go there. We always know when the fleet is in town here in Seattle, cuz the bars are packed with seamen. LOL

 

[paboy67]

Oh please! They may be discouraged from entering gay bars, but trust me that doesnt mean they don't go there. We always know when the fleet is in town here in Seattle, cuz the bars are packed with seamen. LOL

betcha we know where you are when the Fleet is in town!

 

[Guy89]

So... Any updates? Curious to know if anything has happened yet between you two.

 

[RukkuS]

Nothing has happened unfortunately. He was a student getting in work time before he goes off to the Academy. They are usually only here for a couple months. I guess I waited too long. I haven't seen him in over a week, so I'm guessing he finally went off to school. I am a bit upset that I didn't make more of initiative to get to know him, but I'm also a bit relieved that i don't have to deal with seeing him everyday and I can get back to my normal routine. I guess the time wasn't right for me so i'll just wait until the next person comes along...