Crushes, Sex, and Confusion

[TheColorBlue]

Hey everybody! I'm a long time lurker to JUB and just decided to post a thread because I need a little help with something. Be forewarned, it may sound very high school, but this is all new to me.

So quick rundown on me, I'm 20 and just recently started coming to terms with being gay. I got most of my help by actually reading the forums here and eventually ended up being okay with it and coming out to all my friends so far. So now after getting over that hurdle, I've been trying to go and meet some guys. The first couple guys I stated liking of course turned out to be straight crushes on friends. I know I should have started with friends of friends, since a couple of them actually know guys who are into me, but I ended up trying to see my luck with going online instead. I ended up meeting a few guys who I eventually met and became friends with, but there was no attraction that turned those relationships into something more.

Eventually, I ended up talking to a dude who I think I'm starting to have a crush on, but don't want to fall for until we've actually met. He's sweet and he's shy, and he's totally what I'm into. It's been slow, 2 months of talking so far, but we've talked everyday, and talked on cam, so I am pretty sure he says who he really is. It's also kind of obvious we're both into each other. Our eventual meet up is in the works, but it probably won't happen till we both go off on winter break...... Well that or until either of us gets the balls to ask for a meet up. On a random note, he lives about 30 mins away in Long Beach, which I don't think is too bad.

Now there's the sex part of all of this. I am a virgin and I am just insanely horny all the time. My dick has a mind of its own. Not all the responses I get online are just to talk. Recently I met a guy who is just down to be fuck buddies. I was intrigued by this. It's his first time too or so he says. Turns out we live nearby, and next thing I know we've planned to meet up on Wednesday purely to fuck around. I'm nervous about it, but part of me wants to try it out and see what happens.

So the problem in all of this... I'm confused. I'm not sure if I should go off and meet this guy. Part of me wants to wait and see wants happens to Mr. N (the guy I may be crushing on) and part of me wants to see what happens if I have go off and hook up with Mr. H (fuck buddy dude). I don't know what I'm getting myself into and my support system is just as confused. Half of my friends want me to go get laid and the other half wants me to meet up with Mr. N and see where things go from there. Basically my penis brain is conflicted with my mushy brain that wants to wait on Mr. N. I personally don't know what to do. So any advice is appreciated.

Also thanks for reading all of this and sorry if the situation sounds stupid.

 

[Seasoned]

I would guess that your question could be answered by a fifty-fifty split, but here is my take. As long as the upper brain is working follow its lead. It seems as if there is and good thing going with Mr N. In hindsight I would have liked it better if my first time had been with someone I cared about. You seem to trust his honesty whereas you don't with the hook up guy. To my mind you seem a sensitive person who would prefer a connection on multiple levels. The thing is if you cancel the hook up date you are not saying no to hook ups forever. There'd be opportunities for that anytime at your age. The fact that you have paused and asked for advice seems to indicate that Mr N would be worth the short wait. My advice has nothing to do with the morality of tight and wrong. It has to do with a quick reading of you and your hesitation. I remember very little about my first time and it had nothing to do with choice. If given the chance and the choice I'd opt for a multi-faceted connection. Since Mr N is real and not a fantasy ideal I'd say hold off, not forever, of course, but for now.

Welcome to JUB. Good luck to you in this and all things.

 

[gambit22121]

My vote is to wait and see where things go with Mr. N. It'll be way more enjoyable for the first time with someone you are really into. If it doesn't work out, then go sow your wild oats with Mr. H.

 

[KaraBulut]

Arrange a date ASAP with Mr N.

If it doesn't work out the way you want with Mr N, then invite Mr H over.

PS Buy condoms either way.

 

[3nipples]

I'm surprised that you and N haven't found an opportunity to get together if you're just 30 minutes away from each other. By now both of you have probably developed fantasy projections of each other and may end up disappointed with reality... but that's all just an aside to the main question.

If N is really Mr. Right, then he could not have the unreasonable expectation that you put your life on hold for several months until you guys can finally meet. I would go ahead and meet up with this other guy, but be open about it vis a vis N.

 

[TheColorBlue]

[From this point on I'm just going to start calling Mr. N the name Nico and Mr. H the name Harley because Mr. N and Mr. H sound so Men in Black secret agent-y]

Thanks for the advice so far. Right now I think I'm leaning on meeting Nico as soon as possible and see if we really click. I am afraid our expectations for each other are a bit high as 3nipple mentioned.

A little quick background on Nico, I didn't start talking to him through the profile I posted up, it was actually at another forum I post at. I wasn't really planning to talk to him for as long as we did or look for a relationship with him. It just kind of happened gradually. Nico is a little behind me in-terms of coming out and being comfortable with liking guys, initially I was just helping him deal with it. That's why it's been really slow. It just went from purely helping, to talking about common interests, and now to just random things about ourselves and lives. It was only recently when we decided we were both mutually comfortable with meeting up and hanging out sometime, but as of now we haven't on decided when.

As for Harley, I've only been talking to the dude for about a week. I don't completely trust the guy and on the phone he sounded like he was trying to hard, although it may have been due to my awkwardness, I wasn't expecting him to call and I was nervous. I've only seen his pics, but he looked cute and I'm horny. Tomorrow's the day of our hook up. He called yesterday and he's been texting me all morning. He is a persistent dude. I think I might try pushing the hook up date back a bit or just not going any further with it. I'm still really nervous about this random hook up thing.

 

[KaraBulut]

Overkill is never a good sign with casual hookups. It makes it seem like desperation or addictive behavior.

It might be better to put that one off either way.

 

[Jerry]

Harley sounds a little creepy. If he's this pushy now, how do you think he's going to be when you meet up? Are you ready for some random guy all over you? He's going to want SEX and he's (judging from what you said about him) going to push hard for it whether you show any interest or not.

While on the other hand, Nico sounds like a good guy and someone who you've already befriended to some extent. Go meet up with Nico as friends and see where it goes. Maybe you'll "click" and become romantically involved and maybe he'll just be a friend, but either way he's the one who should be getting your attention here.

Trust me, random hook-ups will ALWAYS be available. Tell Harley that you're sorry but some things came up and you'll have to cancel the meet for now. Tell him it's some family business or whatever you need to do. If he's a dick about it, then you'll know he wasn't someone you wanted to meet anyway.

 

[trikky]

Listen to what your gut is telling you. Gut instincts aren't often wrong. If Harley makes you feel nervous or anxious don't meet him. He sounds very assertive and you don't. Remember he is really a complete stranger and if you are not confident or assertive you could get yourself into a situation. You don't want your first experience to be a bad one.

Go for Nico and don't leave meeting up with him any longer if you can help it or he may move onto someone else or his feelings for you may pass. Don't try to make out that there are any expectations, just two guys who get on hanging out. Because you don't actually know each other as such try and use a common interest as the reason to meet. Go and see a sports game together or a movie or whatever and as he is in the closet reassure him beforehand that he doesn't have to worry that you will blow his cover.

 

[TheColorBlue]

Well, Wednesday is here, and I told Harley that I wasn't feeling it tonight. He got mad at me, cussed me out a bit, and said it was a privilege to hook up with him. Our conversation ended on a bad note. I guess it's the end of that, don't think I'll be talking to him again anytime soon.

So I guess the problem has solved itself. No more Harley to deal with, so I'm just going to go focus on meeting Nico and see where things go from there.

Thanks for the help.

 

[Jerry]

I think you did the right thing by not hooking up with Harley. I had a feeling he would be a dick about it. Whatever, fuck him.

Now this Nico...

 

[bored010]

Well, Wednesday is here, and I told Harley that I wasn't feeling it tonight. He got mad at me, cussed me out a bit, and said it was a privilege to hook up with him. Our conversation ended on a bad note. I guess it's the end of that, don't think I'll be talking to him again anytime soon.

So I guess the problem has solved itself. No more Harley to deal with, so I'm just going to go focus on meeting Nico and see where things go from there.

Thanks for the help.

Haha, if he thinks its a "Privilege" to meet up with him, then trust me, you don't want him and he doesn't deserve you. Glad you avoided a psycho!

Good luck with you and Nico!!

 

[tommyj]

So how did it go???