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Crying so hard my eyes hurt..

L

lucasss

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. we have lived together for over 3. A little quick backstory I met him when i was 21 and he was 22. He had had a serious relationship with a boy before and I had not.

The issue of late is that he is seemingly unhappy. He is unhappy with where we live, his jobs he works at, that our relationship is lacking, and that we arn't progressing fast enough.. he wants kids... a house.. i want these things too, well maybe not kids but a life with him is what I want.

He wants to end things now and we are both distraught over it. neither of us are angry at eachother as neither of us have cheated or done something significantly terrible. my love for him is undeniable and i feel lost.

i now have to start thinking about moving out and we both basically cried in each others arms for hours this afternoon. i think i lost all the tears i could ever shed my eyes burn so much. we both left for work this afternoon a mess and have not resolved this.. he wants to take some time apart and i want to crash my car off the highway.. ](*,)
 
it sounds to me like his unhappiness stems from problems that our beyond your relationship... If he wants a better job a nicer house and kids.... those are not something that a relationship will necessarily provide.. it is just the easiest thing to change..
 
Do you think the issue is your relationship or is his behavior possibly a symptom of a larger depression?
 
From what you say, I also think that his expectations exceed his ability to provide them for himself, thereby causing much frustration, and of course he needs to blame someone and you are the closest at hand.

Maybe he expects you to provide his luxuries and feels that you havent been performing at a high enough level. Young people do like instant gratification, you know, like it happens on TV. Flick your wand and it just appears kinda magically.

So.....
I think that you and him sit down and discuss a way forward and get both of your expectations laid out on a piece of paper, then add a big dose of reality. Specially in these depressed times when most people dont even have jobs.

The last thing you should do is move out because that is not going to solve anything.

Communication is key.
 
Get yourselves to couples counseling. If it doesn't save the relationship it at least will provide an exit strategy. I'm sorry for your pain.
 
Sounds like he's a bit depressed and maybe acting a bit destructively because of it, not that I know anything.

Maybe try to talk through the issues and try to remove the emotion a bit. Maybe away from where you've been arguing.

Don't go hurting yourself, won't solve anything, especially when you remember that all emotions are fleeting at most.
 
Well, I don't think that all emotions are fleeting, but maybe he just wants out.

I don't think he necessarily sounds depressed, that seems more frustration than depression.

you both need to sit down without the drama and talk about where you are really going.
 
Tx is probably right - I might have been assuming too much about the situation
 
i've been moving things home. its really hard. i went to our apt to get somethings and drove to his parents place after where he sleeps after working 3rd shift because he doesn't wanna see out old place.. so in the midst of crying and telling him how much i love him he still wants to end things. its just so hard. i love him so much, we're supposed to be partners. im realizing that this is actually happening and trying to make some semblance of it here. the worst part is that we lived an hour from where i am staying at my parents right now and both my jobs are that far away now.

not sure what i should do. i just feel lost.
 
Don't lose hope. Things will get better with time. Either the relationship will heal, or your will move on. Either way, the pain your feel now, though understandably intense, will eventually dull. In the meantime, you always have shoulders to cry on here.

Regarding repairing your relationship, I recommend as hard as it may be trying to put aside your emotions when discussing how to proceed with him. He obviously is frustrated, in part with your relationship but also with the trajectory of his life in general. This is obviously hurtful to you, but in order to reconcile, his frustrations will have to be calmly addressed and discussed. Good luck and keep us posted.
 
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