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Dangerous Words

JerrySteps said:
I remember the first time I saw him like 2 yrs ago. I thought, oh yeah, he's gay. Then I looked up his myspace and it said straight. So I was like, right, nevermind then.
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so if i seen you at school, and got the "gay vibe" then looked at your myspace and it said "straight" should i assume you are straight?
 
OK - there's not enough talking, too may assumptions (including whether or not he's staight/gay), and too much energy spent on over-agonizing every one of his actions/reactions.

If you take a step back, you're not getting anywhere unless you let it go and move on, or start talking to him.
 
JerrySteps said:
So yeah, I HAVE HIS FUCKING NUMBER!!!!!

Not exactly in a way that I would have liked to get it, but whatever. Its on my cell phone and'll probably sit there forever.
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Well then shame on you. One of my favorite quotes is from the Shawshank Redemption. "Get busy living or get busy dying". Pick up the phone and call him. Right now. Don't respond to my post first, don't scratch your balls first, don't go to his myspace page. Pick up the phone and call him. NOW.

You're 24 years old. It won't get easier if you wait until 26, 30, or 34 to put yourself out there.

If you don't put yourself out there, then you can't complain about not getting anything IMHO.
 
JerrySteps said:
Today was interesting, I guess.

I'm really stressed out from whats going on at school. I have finals like no other.

Part of my stress is that in my directing class, I have my final scene going up very soon, my lead actor decided to drop out yesterday.

I've gone around asking anyone in my department if they can do it and everyone has said no. Some people have been throwing around "his" name and saying I should ask him. My generic answer was "Well, he's really busy right? So should I even bother?"

Anyway, earlier today one of the people asked me "Did you ask him?" and I said "I didn't see him today,not yet." which was true.

Anyway.

Later on when I was coming back into the buliding I saw him walking a little bit ahead me. I just thought "Right, it's now or never."

This is what happened:
I walked up and he opened the door for some girls that were ahead of us. I went to grab the door to let him in, but he moved behind the door to let me in. So I went in then turned around. "I need to ask you a question." and he got a "what the fuck" look on his face and said "sure." "Everyone has been telling me to ask you, but I know how incredibly busy you are, so I figured not to bother... But, why not? So would you like to be in my directing scene? My actor dropped out. I've asked so many people and everyone has told me no. If you can't do it then I compleatly understand and it's cool" blank stare "Uh, when is it, what times and days?" I tell him. He thinks a bit and considers "Uh, well, I.... Uhm. Well, whats the character like, how long is it?" Its a full play. "Well, I'll do it, but you should know that I working outside of school in a play and I'm in another scene." I'm very happy and I give him a copy of the script. "Well, the thing is I'm going to be gone for all of that time, so I won't really be reliable, I won't be able to really rehearse. I can do the scene, but not have time ouside of that. Here, I'll give you my number and if you find no one else to do it, then I'll do it." He writes it down on the script. I'm like "Well, I'll look for other actors, but to be honest it's probably going to be you." "Well, like I said I won't be able to do any rehersal, but I do want to do your scene. Just give me a call if you need me, ok?" " Ok, and to be honest I'm sure I could tell you the blocking that day and you're good enough that I know you could do it. Anyway, you having a good day?" "Yeah, I'm good." I smiled and then he walked away.

So yeah, I HAVE HIS FUCKING NUMBER!!!!!

Not exactly in a way that I would have liked to get it, but whatever. Its on my cell phone and'll probably sit there forever.

I'm not sure whats going to happen, no one is willing to help me at all.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm scared that when it comes down to it, even he won't be able to do it. It's understandable though, I mean he's doing so much.

So, yeah........
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you have his number?..congradulations...you are now gonna slip into madness staring at his number. wont you start with texting him, like hey or something.
 
JerrySteps said:
I'm gonna wait till tuesday to see if he's in class. I'm not sure if his rehearsals outside of school are going to cut into school time. If he's not there, then yeah, I'll have to call him or be fucked over for my scene.
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I don't understand. Why wait?
 
Good. NOW KEEP TALKING TO HIM. Next time you talk to him about the play, don't JUST talk about the play. Bring up something else. His clothes, where he lives, anything. Keep the conversation GOING.

Lex
 
You need to Grow A Set and Ask Him out for a Beer. This has gone on way to long.If,he says sure. Where? You name a Gay Bar. Then,You will have your Answer.Make Sure It's one with GOGO BOYS.
 
JerrySteps said:
I'm meant to be 'looking' for other actors. If I call, like a day later, it'll look like I didn't bother.
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Ah, understood. However, still pick up the phone. Right now, and call him. Say, "thanks for offering ________ about the acting the other day. I haven't found anyone yet and will let you know in a few days how that works out, but more importantly I was wondering if you might be interested in grabbing a beer/seeing movie/getting coffee/swapping spit/whatever this weekend?
 
OrionFyre said:
Ok, he can't be in your scene or what not.


Call him :) say "Hope you don't mind me calling, and well I k now you're really busy, and you can't do the scene for me. Maybe we could go get some coffee?"

It's like a bandaid. You're drawing this out pulling it off way to slow, ripping every single hair out painfully by the roots.

he's dancing the dance to your music it sounds like to me. He hasn't made a move yet, so YOU are gonna have to make it.

And dude. honestly, you are 25 years old, I presume he is too. This is beyond the realm of the childish games in highschool. So even if he is straight and turns you down for coffee it's not like he's going to react like a high-schooler. Most str8 men i've hit on when their buddies aren't around have been completely cool and accepting and just turn you down with no problems.

JUST CALL HIM.
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Amen! Super Advise. Time to get off the pot dude and take control of your life here...|
 
If I didn't know any better, I'd assume you just enjoy these games. The "is he or isn't he" game. The "what did THAT look mean" game. If so, fine - enjoy the game. But don't drag us into it.

If you don't like the games, STOP PLAYING. Go TALK to him. "Shame you couldn't be in my scene. I was really looking forward to you doing that."

Lex
 
To be honest, you still know absolutely nothing personal about him, and you're still making too many assumptions as to what he's doing or feeling.

Individuals respond to you how you respond to them. You also see (in the other person) what you're trying really hard to see - this includes looks, facial expressions, etc. even if it's not conscious on your part! If he's sending confused signals, chances are, you are also.

You're still at square one, and instead of overanalyzing everything, you need to either let it go, or talk to him some more. Otherwise, you're wasting your time thinking about it.
 
Ugh. If you don't take the initiative you don't deserve choice beef, you deserve leftovers. And that's exactly what you will get. No balls, no glory. Pretty simple really.
 
All of this advice can also apply to establishing any kind of relationship with people. What might you do in the instance of meeting friends or striking up conversations?
 
I think you like the drama too much.
 
You know. I meet a guy last friday that I spent the whole weekend hanging out with. He was flirting with me and stuff too. BUT unlike you, I ignored it friday night. Rolled with it Saturday night and then finally Sunday night I told him I had enough. I asked him point blank if he was Gay or Bi because he keep telling me that he had thought about what it would be like to get a BJ or Anal from a guy. He also was pleased that I fit his type and that he could be eye candy for me.

It was Sunday night when I was checking out this guy in a coffee shop that he caught me looking at the said guy. I didn't expect him to say something in front of my friends but he did. Something along the lines of oh no...I'm being replaced. Greg's not interested in my virgin ass anymore.

Maybe it was the coffee (it was strong as hell) or maybe it was him and his stupid head games. But I left after that. Later on he came on MSN and asked me what was wrong. I didn't mean to snap at him but I asked him point blank. I said to him. "I'm going to ask you a question. Think carefully before you answer it cause it's going to change how I interact with you. I'm only asking it once. No second chances here. Are you Gay or Bi or Straight? Cause I'm tired of these mind games that your playing and I don't have time to waste nor do I have the youth anymore to waste playing Are you or Aren't you with you"

His reply was that he was 100% Straight.

I said okay. He goes does this mean you dislike me now or something? I said no. It just means that I don't have to waste my time wondering about you. It's bad enough trying to find another gay guy in this small town. I don't need some straight guy panning for my attention when all it's ever going to end is in heartbreak for me.

See if he talks to me anymore. Point to this story is to get your balls out of your mother's purse and ask him upfront. If he lies then fine....move on. Stop wasting your time on something that's never going to happen!
 
I'm sorry you're confused, dude. Life is complicated sometimes. I wish you luck. Keep us posted with the updates...the guy actually sounds as confused as you are, in my opinion. This doesn't mean that you should waste any more time on him, but don't hate him for something you never really asked him about you know? Maybe a goal for you this semester is to just befriend him. Do you have any mutual friends? Hang out in group settings. That's really the only way to figure out how he feels about you. Obviously he has some interest in you...whether it's friendly or more, no one can say. But you have to ask if you want to know. If you can't be bothered anymore, tell him that. Just confront him and say, hey...you totally blew me off last semester when I needed you, and I don't really feel like doing this anymore. And that's it. I hope this makes sense and that it helps. Best of luck!
 
And you're both still playing the sixth grade games? And yes - you BOTH are. It does take two. Next time, you see him staring at you during class, look back at him. Look confused (that part shouldn't be hard), shake your head a bit, and mouth the word "What?" Not in an accusatory way, but in a "What is it?" sort of way. If he's staring at you while you're talking to your friend, put your friend "on hold" for a minute. Say, "Hold on just a sec", turn back to him, and say "What's up?" Again, not accusatory - just friendly and inquisitive. And if he bumps into you anymore, just say "Look, you're getting a lot of contact in for somebody who isn't actually dating me yet." The goal each time is clear - put the ball in HIS court. Make HIM make a move.

Or, y'know, keep playing "OMG he totally looked at me" game. Your choice.

Lex
 
If you want it to stop or at least want answers, then bring it to his attention. Ask him why he looks at you so much or mention the staring somehow. If your shy, then ask him on his myspace so you don't have to do it in person. Or... if your going to play games at least have some fun. I hate people who are shy like that so if they keep on staring at me, i'll stare at them the entire time i see them. Just stare at him for the whole class hour and see what he does. Either way, he'll get the hint of either quit staring at me or go for me... i take it you're too shy to go after him so this will provoke him to go after you. Totally childish, but most games are anyway so if your going to play them, then at least have fun with it... or you could just directly ask him if he's interested in you.
 
OMG just ask him why he stares at you if it's that obvious that he does. Bring it up to him and he'll probably stop... that is if you want him to. I'm starting to wonder if you really want it to stop. It shouldn't be this hard or complicated.
 
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