Dating a Bi Guy

[Lucy6k]

I'm in a bit of jam, I've been good friends with a guy for years now, in middle of last year I found out his was Bi, but recently we've gotten really close and about 3 weeks ago we decided to take our friendship further and went out on a date. It went great and we ended up back at his gettin to know each other and over the last 3 weeks its gottern very serious. I know he's bi but hasn't been with a guy before, we've got an amazing connection, I could see myself with him forever, but I don't wanna make him to give up his sexuality just for me, I want him to be honest with himself and be happy with his life, if that means being with guys then thats what I want but my heart says keep him no matter what.

What do I do, keep him all to myself or let him find himself.

Sorry about the speach

 

[Ben_1982]

I would enjoy your relationship for what it is, and not focus too much on where it might ultimately end up. If he's finding happiness with you, then wanting to be with a guy probably isn't an issue for him. I know myself as a bi guy that when I've been in a relationship with a woman my thoughts have been on her. Sure, there's always been that part of me that responds to a particularly hot guy walking down the street or something, but ultimately it's the relationship that carries by far the most weight.

See where it goes, and if it does turn out that he really HAS to try being with a guy... well so be it I suppose. What's important is that you're having a good time together now.

 

[racer2438]

I would enjoy your relationship for what it is, and not focus too much on where it might ultimately end up. If he's finding happiness with you, then wanting to be with a guy probably isn't an issue for him. I know myself as a bi guy that when I've been in a relationship with a woman my thoughts have been on her. Sure, there's always been that part of me that responds to a particularly hot guy walking down the street or something, but ultimately it's the relationship that carries by far the most weight.

See where it goes, and if it does turn out that he really HAS to try being with a guy... well so be it I suppose. What's important is that you're having a good time together now.

well said, also dont set your self up for a hard fall if it does not work. He may be bi but only he can decide where to take it. If he gets hooked up with a girl and wants more time w/her and you want more w/him, issues will come up. Dont lose a friendship over it.

 

[Lucy6k]

Thanks guys, but its so hard, my heart won't let me think straight, I dunno what to do.

I don't wanna lose him as a friend but I also want him, why is life so damn hard and confusing

 

[Ben_1982]

why is life so damn hard and confusing

I wish I had the answer to that, because it'd make me the richest man in the world.

One thing to keep in mind is that those feelings will eventually calm down somewhat. It's all new, it's all in flux, and yeah you're going to feel all crappy and confused on and off, but if you want to maintain the relationship you've got to find a way to cope, hard as it may be.

I suggest this somewhat hesitantly because it may work for you or it may not, but my last girlfriend literally forgot all about the fact that I was bi, and I in turn didn't flaunt it in front of her because she obviously felt uncomfortable about it, and probably harboured similar fears to you. It's hard at first to not dwell on a particular part of a relationship that you feel is very important to that relationship's integrity. However, what we tend to deem important in the first instance, we usually look back on as trivial hindsight. Not that it feels trivial at the time, but ultimately it is. Such is the way of man I guess

Don't fret, it'll all come good in the end.

 

[Lucy6k]

Don't fret, it'll all come good in the end.

God I hope your right

Being with him is the greatest feeling in the world but I can't get that little voice in the back of my head to stop saying 'he's gunna leave you for the right guy'

 

[tallguy297]

Hi Lucy,

(I moved your thread to the Bi forum because the guys there will give you all the advice you need!)

What a great post and what a great gf you are! Your concern for him is beautiful and admirable... but sadly for you this is something well beyond the control of either of you.

Just be honest with him... tell him your concerns and how you feel. For now its up to him... its his choice as to whether or not he choses to be with you... and your honesty will be repaid with honesty.

But Lucy, try not to read too much into the fact that hes bi. Every guy and every girl be them str8, bi or gay will look, admire and fantasize. Your boyfriend is no more likely to cheat, wander, leave or regret being with you than any other person. And really if the realtionship is a good one then thats pretty damn slim!

Happiness, security, comfort and freindship are the things that will make you guys last. Being perfect for each other, being able to laugh and cry with each other.... being able to talk to each other about things like this with honestly and openness. If your bf finds all that with you then I'm certain that he will be happy with the choice he made.

Yes being Bi can be confusing at times... but its in no way a built in reason for someone being unable to commit. Hell most of the bi guys here are proof of that. You just need to talk to him about how you feel, your fears and how he feels about leaving that part of him behind. I'm sure you'll find he wont think its some sort of life sentnce because the greatest asset to being bi is finding happiness in twice the sexes!

But for now though Lucy.... enjoy growing your relationship, the love you share and the time you spend. It seems like the two of you are made for each other!

 

[Romantico]

Lucy, do a search and read some of my other posts. My girl friend and you have a lot in common. I met her this past August. We both felt a connection and I was faced with the situation on do I tell her I am bi on the first date or wait it out. Long story short, we went out, I told her, she was fine with it and we have been going strong ever since.We waited about 5 months before we had sex and are currently in the process of moving in together. She had concerns like you very early on but they went away fast. Its all about trust. No one looks as good to me anymore. Male or females. In my opinion, no one is hotter or better so in my eyes I figure why even look. We both love each other more than the other.

Like I said, check out some of my other posts to get the full story but my advice is to not question it much. Talk to your guy and tell him your concerns. Communication is very important. M gf did and it made things so much easier. Good luck to you!

 

[SteveP]

Holy crap Lucy u never said u were that serious about me, u know u could've said somethin, we've been mates for years, u were the first person I told I was Bi, somethin I still haven't told my family about, just cus we've taken it further doesn't mean u can't trust me.

Your friendship means the world to me, I would never give it up just for sex, u mean far too much to me. This isn't the place to talk about this, I call u asap.

 

[Lucy6k]

For those who are wondering the guy I was talking about was SteveP. After he saw this thread he didn't call me but came round to my house and we spent the next 4 hours talking about us.

Over the next couple of weeks we've been getting closer and closer, and last nite Steve took me out for a candle lit diner, which I might add was fantastic and ever so romantic and to top off the night he did something I never thought he'd do............












He got down on 1 knee