Dating a" Bromo"

[ShadowCancer]

So I've been dating this guy who considers himself a "Bromo". He is also the token gay in his fraternity. They seem accepting which is cool I guess, but it gets sort of uncomfortable whenever topics about our sex life come up. I also hate how I am considered "one of the girls" to them. Whenever the couples have date nights the girlfriends have to wear pink which means I'm wearing pink and whenever they split up for some reason I'm always grouped with the girlfriends. Once we took 2 vans to Miami and of course I was stuck in the van with all the females.

He has no gay friends and he always argues with me when I go out to gay bars with my friends. Not everything is bad in this relationship because he is very romantic when he wants to be. Hes very hot and the sex is good, but I feel like I am doing more sacrificing than I should be.

I just wanted to vent because I'm not sure if its worth it anymore or maybe I'm just being immature about it all.

 

[Rolyo85]

This sounds atrocious and I've no idea why you'd date that...

 

[KaraBulut]

If anything, you should be concerned with the way that he and his fraternity brothers treat their partners.

 

[Seasoned]

You're not the immature one here.

 

[ShadowCancer]

i don't express my feelings on a lot of things so I just let a lot of this stuff go. I want to address how I really feel to him but I'm not sure how to start.

 

[Aron9000]

Dude, you know all straight fraternity guys treat females as just another piece of ass. None of them have serious relationships with women while in college/in the fraternity. Sure they might say they are "dating" somebody, but usually its some sorostitute that they always bring along as a date for social occasions. Both he and she sleep around/cheat on each other and do not take the relationship seriously, mainly they use the relationship as a convenience so they have a date in social settings.

Now I'm not saying that is how your man is, but that is the general frat boy mindset. Also I don't know why you'd even "seriously" date somebody in a fraternity anyways, they're 99% a bunch of drunken morons, its a closed society, if you aren't in the frat or member of another frat, you are nothing to any of them. So as an outsider by not being in the frat, on top of being gay, you are going to be a total outcast in your lover's world, so have fun with that.

 

[checkinthingsout]

So I've been dating this guy who considers himself a "Bromo". He is also the token gay in his fraternity. They seem accepting which is cool I guess, but it gets sort of uncomfortable whenever topics about our sex life come up. I also hate how I am considered "one of the girls" to them. Whenever the couples have date nights the girlfriends have to wear pink which means I'm wearing pink and whenever they split up for some reason I'm always grouped with the girlfriends. Once we took 2 vans to Miami and of course I was stuck in the van with all the females.

He has no gay friends and he always argues with me when I go out to gay bars with my friends. Not everything is bad in this relationship because he is very romantic when he wants to be. Hes very hot and the sex is good, but I feel like I am doing more sacrificing than I should be.

I just wanted to vent because I'm not sure if its worth it anymore or maybe I'm just being immature about it all.

How serious are you about this relationship? I honestly would move on to someone who is more mature. Why would you even agree to wear pink on "date nights" if you don't want to do it? You are your own MAN, and you should wear whatever color you want.

Also, why do "date nights" involve the whole damn fraternity? Isn't the purpose of a date to reconnect with your S/O? Your guy and his whole frat needs to get a fuckin clue.

You sound awesome, and you can do WAY better with someone who is willing to be more than just be a "token" gay so a fraternity can pretend like they are "accepting" and evolved.

On the otherhand, if you are just in it for the sex, then don't give up any of your extra time stroking his fraternity ego. Just keep it to getting off and focus on more productive things the other 23 hours of your day.

 

[ShadowCancer]

Well the fraternity date nights are a thing they do with all the members who are in a relationship. And idk I wear the pink because I just don't want to cause any drama. And like I said it's not all bad and it's really not about the sex, to me anyway. But you are right though I probably need to do better with my time.

 

[jaysizzles]

He really considers himself to be a "bromo"? I'd have laughed in his face upon hearing that, and then ditched him shortly after.

You seem to be on the fence about whether to stay with him or not...is he a stereotypical fraternity douchenozzle? Or, is he a really a decent guy and the real problem the fraternity's traditional way of doing things?

Personally, I think it's good that his frat is inclusive of gay men, but it really sucks for you that you're being treated like "one of the girls" at times. Is he their first gay member?

You're in a tough spot because it's not your place to try and change their ways...which are based on tradition...especially since they are trying to be open and accepting. I'm sure he doesn't want to ruffle feathers because he wants his frat brothers to accept him too...perhaps he's even thinking this is good for future gay frat members as well...?

I'm not saying that you have to like some of the stuff, but if he's worth putting up with some of this crap, then maybe you should consider sticking it out and tolerating some of this bs for a bit. Well...only if he treats you with respect, and is accepting of you voicing your opinions and frustrations about this to him. If you want to be in a relationship with him...or anyone for that matter...then you really need to step up and talk about how you feel about things. Couples talk about good things and bad...so just tell him you want to talk, and start talking! Perhaps it could lead in due course to your bf making some suggestions to the house with regards to dates not wearing pink, or not separating dates and members on trips, in order to really make the frat more modern, more comfortable for you, and probably for the girlfriends (and future boyfriends) too.

Or...just dump him and be rid of it all. But seriously, don't be afraid to talk to your boyfriend(s) about what's on your mind ever again! Communication and honesty is everything.

 

[TX-Beau]

LOL, Frat boys are by definition, boys. I was a Frat boy, I got over it and grew up. Some of them never do. So, it's encouraging that nowadays there are token gay Frat boys - that would never have been the case when I was in school.

OK to the boys - you are the girl, they have chosen to accept their token gay boy in the paradigm that challenges them in the least, so he's just dude and bro, and chill and shit, and you are the little woman. When dealing with Frat boys, you can't ever get away from the pack mentality and the group-think. They understand your relationship in the context of how they have relationships.

Your post made me laugh, but seriously, if you don't want to wear pink - don't fucking wear pink. What I discovered when I grew up and stopped being bro, is that we are in control of our own lives, and you need to take control of yours. Compromise is certainly part of being an adult, but surrendering isn't.

 

[offthewall14420]

You'll be lucky if he doesn't fall out the window and break his neck while shit drunk.

Greeks are pretty much despised by the vast majority of students at major universities. A remnant of legacy, when only rich/connected white kids could go to college. Dating a fratboy makes you a bad person.

FB is quite acceptable if you're having fun. Just don't do any of the boyfriend shit with him. He needs to earn that.

 

[checkinthingsout]

Well the fraternity date nights are a thing they do with all the members who are in a relationship. And idk I wear the pink because I just don't want to cause any drama. And like I said it's not all bad and it's really not about the sex, to me anyway. But you are right though I probably need to do better with my time.

Yes you do. But as others have suggested have a SERIOUS conversation with this guy and then make a move, but don't sit around wasting your college days on this Bromo.