Dating a Guy

[callen89]

Hey Everyone!

So last night I went out with a guy. He referred to it as going on an adventure together, and it was just us talking and what not, walking on the beach near our school and driving around just chilling. But I don't know if what we did last night was considered a date or not.

I have never been on a date with a guy, this would be my first experience with dating men if it goes further then last night. I am really into this guy, I definitely think about him throughout the day. We met at one of our school queer clubs. When we parted, he dropped me off near my place on campus, hugged and said goodnight (both of us are kinda sick, so I'm not sure if we would of kissed if we weren't, but it seemed like he had fun too).

We also talked about our coming out stories (he will be 20 in December and I will be 23 in February), he came out to his parents last Thanksgiving and it was a positive thing for him and his family. I sadly am not out to my parents, still just kind of to scared, plus I am still trying to figure myself out, but have been thinking about doing it over Thanksgiving break this year. I'm not 100% sure if I'm gay, bi or even straight; the more and more I think about it I'm leaning more towards gay possibly, because in all my relationships with women, our relationship ends because my mind wanders towards guys and the inevitable what if. I think part of my strong attraction to women is that I want kids very very very badly and I want to be a parent more then anything, so its letting go of that and accepting that I will have to do surrogacy/adoption.

Well that was a long rant, sorry if its a little jumbled, I was just putting a lot down that I was thinking at the time. I'm just looking for help/advise on how to approach my relationship with this guy if it becomes more or what to expect, I'm just a little lost.

Anything will help and be much appreciated!

Thank you.

 

[HunterM]

Yes, you two were on a date. When there's a romantic interest from both parties, time spent together to get to know each other is considered a date.

You're only 23. Your sperms are not dwindling in number in any time soon. From your description, sounds like you are gay. However, don't worry about labels now: gay, bi, straight or Martians. If you like this guy, pursue him. Go out on dates with him. Invite him out more often. Get to know him. Have fun!

Seems like you really like him. Take the lead. Don't wait for things to happen. Make things happen. And see where this relationship takes you.

A lot of gay couples have children via surrogacy or adoption. It's no big deal now.

Schedule time and activities (besides sex) for you two to spend together all day. Go out of town for a weekend. It's a great way to see if you two are compatible. Take this opportunity to experience what it's like to be in a relationship with a man. If you don't like it, then try something else. You owe it to yourself to find out.

Don't forget to HAVE FUN!

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Callen89,

Welcome to this part of JUB and feel free to post anything you would like to ask here. Very good of you to join the school queer club. It seems to me that this guy is a very decent and that he takes much care to make sure you feel yourself comfortable.

I tend to disagree with 'HunterM' that you must call this a 'date'. I would like to suggest you that you don't need to label the meeting you had with this guy. So you might call it a 'date', but you might also call it anything else, and there is also no fixed rule telling you that you must give this meeting a name at all.

He asked you and you had a very nice time together with him. I tend to think this was the first time for you to talk together for a long time with a gay guy with a more or less similar background like you.

Apparently, the guy was interested in you, as otherwise he would not have asked you to 'go on an adventure' with you. You don't provide us with information about his ideas afterwards. I also have no idea.

Likely, he also liked it? I assume you will meet him soon again? You might wait a while and see if he is contacting you, and otherwise you might contact him again. Or maybe you meet each other again at the queer club. Indeed, try to learn more from him.

It is totally up to you and to him to decide what to do next. No problem at all to have much more meetings who are more or less similar then this one. Again, there are no fixed rules what 2 guys must do, or not, when they spend time together. Do you have experience with girls and/or with dating girls?

I agree with HunterM that there are many ways you can raise children, be it your own or not, or make other people happy with children they are unable to get.

Good luck and keep us informed.

 

[MoltenRock III]

What part of being a parent do you want so badly?

And yes, you were out on a date, YAY! BTW, you can raise and have kids with another man. I have 3 good friends, all gay, raising kids. Being gay doesn't mean you can't have kids.

 

[TheOscar]

Yeah, being gay does not mean you can't have kids! You can totally raise kids with your partner.

 

[callen89]

Thank you for all the reply's, they have all had good advice.

To address one of Ganoderma's question. I have had experience with women, I have actually only ever dated women. To make a long story short my last girl friend was over 2 years ago, It was a really hard break up for both of us. Part of that reason was because she had a infant from her Ex, but I was with her from the beginning with her baby taking care of her like she was my own. I had 2 previous girl friends before my last, but that was in high school and my Freshmen year of college.

I hope to see him again soon, there is a dance tonight on my campus that has been put on but another queer club that's on campus. Not sure if he'll be there, and I don't know if I am going to go yet, ha ha.

@HunterM I do agree with a lot of what you have said, I am kind of a take charge kind of person, I don't like sitting around waiting for things to happen, lol.

This guy is just really awesome and I don't want to screw things up with him. I just feel like a fish out of water in this situation, and it's just weird for me.

You are right Ganoderma in saying it was the first time we got a chance to really talk and get to know each other better. I didn't lie about anything, I was completely honest with him. I almost lied and told him I was out to my parents when he asked, but I am tired of lying so I told him the truth that I wasn't. I come from a pretty conservative family, so I'm not sure how they'd take it if I come out to them as being gay. I'm just worried that my family will disown me, I mean I think my mom would come around, but I'm not sure if my dad ever would since we have not ever been really close, but have become closer over the years. But the guy I went out with last night was really supportive about me telling him that, and encouraging that he didn't think my family would disown me.

Now that I'm on my own I am able to experiment without having to worry about my family. I actually almost came out to them this last weekend when I saw them up at a family friends cabin. I just felt really out of place there because I am so open about myself up at school, that once I went back to that environment with my family and friends it was just kinda awkward. I love my family, and I don't want to lose them, but I am done with hiding who I am for the most part, its been a long, lonely journey up until now.

@MoltenRock III, to answer your question; being a parent in my eyes is being able to nurture the next generation, and in doing so, making them that much better then you are. I honestly love children, babies, toddlers, adolescence and teens. I just want to be a father more then anything. And I do know gay men and women raise families, it's just also a little tougher to have a family as a gay couple, it takes some hoop jumping.

Like I've said previously I don't to screw things up because I think this guy is great, I just don't really have any clue on what to do, ha ha.

 

[Seasoned]

I have two children that my partner help raise. It's becoming more common place for same sex couples and I'd advise not to get ahead of yourself with the problems you might have. You'd have much greater one's should you marry a woman to have children. It's best if your children know who you are from the beginning. Being a parent is a mixed bag but I've never regretted it.

Welcome to JUB. Good luck with this guy. You both seem like keepers.

 

[KaraBulut]

This guy is just really awesome and I don't want to screw things up with him. I just feel like a fish out of water...

Maybe the better metaphor is that you're like that kid standing on the diving board, looking down at the water, who wants to dive it but is still too scared.

Like I've said previously I don't to screw things up because I think this guy is great, I just don't really have any clue on what to do, ha ha.

Then it's time to jump.

You're not going to ever swim unless you get in the water.

 

[callen89]

Kara your metaphor's hit right at home. I have been a Swimmer, Water Polo player and a diver since high school; you couldn't of hit the nail squarer on the head, ha ha.

Well as for an update on whats going on with the two of us...

So the night after our date our school was throwing a home coming, but for the queer students and their allies (Homo-coming). He called me yesterday (which I was totally not expecting), and asked if I was going. I said I wasn't sure because it had been lame in the past, but that I did want to make an appearance because I wanted to show support for the club I was affiliated with. He felt the same way so I asked him if he wanted to walk over together and he said yes. So I met him later at his place and we walked over to the dance because he lived right off campus and I live on campus. We danced, had some fun. But like we expected it was kind of lame, so we decided to leave early and maybe try to find a party. I'm not drinking at the moment since I am on a steroid and an antibiotic for my pneumonia, but I wasn't gonna say no to a fun party.

So we walked around down town a bit, a close friend of mine met up with us at the dance and left with us. And we eventually wound up at one of his best friends house, got to meet a few people, really nice had a lot of good laughs. I kind of think he wanted me to meet his one best friend to gauge me out, we all know how this is, having your close friends gauge the person you might be interested in; it didn't feel like that at all, but think about it later that might of been the reason, but I have no clue, ha ha.

Then we left his friends place and I walked him back to his place because he had to work early and it was around midnight at the time. My friend split off from us since we had to walk a little past campus to get to his place. When I left we hugged and made plans for me to come into his work the next morning and he'd hook me up with some good grub for cheap. No kiss, it just hasn't seemed like the right time or whatever I guess, I mean with the women I have dated there's always that lean in for a kiss and what not hormone's ablaze, so I guess I'm just waiting for that que, ha ha.

So this morning I woke up and got ready to head out to his work and see him and get some food and coffee. He complemented me on how I looked today, which was nice (complements are always a plus, ha ha). After I ordered my food, I asked if he had a break coming up and he said he did. So he joined me a but after I got my food and met me outside. We chatted a bit, his family are in town this weekend which he is really excited for so he'll be spending a lot of his time with them, which is awesome, family totally comes first. When he had to go back to work I gave him a hug and told him to have fun today.

I might see him tonight, because he had mentioned his family coming into town last night and that we could maybe go on another adventure in the evening after he was done spending the day with his family. Which I am of course down for, I like spending time with him, and just it being him and me is really nice, more so then having a bunch of people around with us because he can get kind of quite.

I am also just hesitant Kara because he is more experienced with guys then I am, and I don't to disappoint him or anything.

 

[HunterM]

It does not matter if he has more experience than you. It's not him. It's you...over analyzing the situation. If you date other openly gay guys out there, most of them would have more experience than you do. So you're still back to square one. You might as well accept reality and learn from it. In time, you'll have the experience in dating men.

It's your genuine sincerity that matters. When the time is right, let him know to set his expectations. He would understand...as with most sincere guys would.

Embrace this opportunity. Live the NOW moment. Lighten up. Always to remember to have fun! You'll never go wrong if your motive is to make it a "fun adventure" for both of you.

Good luck!

 

[KaraBulut]

I am also just hesitant Kara because he is more experienced with guys then I am, and I don't to disappoint him or anything.

How much experience does it take to reach over and hold someone's hand when you're walking together? How much experience does it take to ask someone for a goodnight kiss?

 

[callen89]

Your right Hunter I do over analyze, it's just kinda who I am I guess, and its definitely not the best quality.

And I lived in the Now last night, we did finally kiss, and I actually ended up spending the night at his place. It was really sincere and innocent. He didn't pressure me to do anything which was a really big relief.

and your right as well Kara, it doesn't take much experience to do either of those things, just the courage to step up to the plate and take a swing. I'm glad I took the chance last night.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Callen89,

Thanks for posting this update to us. You know, I like guys who are very original, and this guy seems to me a very orginal one, as it does not happen often that guys (or girls) will have a date with you and ask for 'an adventure'. And, once again, he asked "that we could maybe go on another adventure".

I tend to think that you have met a very kind and a very polite guy who understands you very well. Take your time, and just tell him anything you would like to tell him and/or ask him.

Once again, I have the opinion that there are no fixed rules what 2 gay gays should do with each other when they spend time together, and how such a friendship should be named. That is something which is totally up to you and to him.

Good luck, take care, and feel free to go on with your postings over here.

Take care.

 

[HunterM]

Congrats! Now you're building experience

 

[callen89]

Hey all! Just wanted to say thank you again for all the help you all have provided. I do have another question though.

So that guy and I are now dating, we made it official like a week ago, and I am really enjoying the time I spend with him. We cook a lot together and last weekend he took me out to dinner which was really nice. Now we have been intimate with each other, I tend to spend the night over at his house a lot, we enjoy sharing a bed and cuddling at night and in the morning. We have yet to go all the way, we both want to wait awhile and make it that much more enjoyable when the time comes. But we do enjoy doing all the other fun stuff we can until then.

My concern/question is I'm finding it challenging to give him good oral sex. He does it to me every now and then and its great, but I feel like I'm just falling short when it comes to that for me. He is in no way pressuring me to give him head, but I want to be able to please him in that way just like he does for me. the trouble I'm having is with his size, he is about the same length as me, but A LOT thicker, so I'm having trouble with jaw getting a little strained or my teeth rubbing against his penis. He always stays hard when I perform oral on him, but I have yet to get him to cum from it, I usually have to finish him with lube. I know I should be asking him what more can I do, but I thought that I would just look for any advice on pleasing your partner orally when they are gifted in the happy place, lol.

Any and all advice/help would be much appreciated! Thanx!

 

[MoltenRock III]

Sore jaws usually go away with practice. In the meantime, use plenty of manual/hand stimulation to get him to cum in your mouth while blowing him.

 

[callen89]

will try that, i actually talked to him the other day and he likes it when no hands are used when he is getting head. Practice makes perfect ; )