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Dating Advice

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blah834

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I just started coming out and recently met a guy who is awesome. He is masculine and hates the gay scene and the hookups/games and I agree. Likes football, good beer, and is a overall "nice guy". We had a great first date (which was unexpected because we just met to watch the football game with another masculine person). Ended up meeting some of my friends that night and he drove me around and we had a good time. We ended up heavy making out that night and wanted to take things slow. Fast forward and I ended up setting up a date #2. I took him out this time and we had a great time. At the end I told him i wanted to kiss him and he said "me too" and leaned in and we had a good little 10 second make out (hoping that was a good thing/sign). Mind you this is my first gay date and the first time in my life that I left a date with a huge smile but was also sort of sad considering im 28 and never felt that rush of feeling good. Since the date (4 days) he went out of town for the weekend and I was just wondering who should take the lead in another date? I did not text him at all knowing he would be busy but should I be the first to contact? I mentioned to him that I liked being around him and wanted to get to know him better and he agreed. I just have an issue with who is suppose to take the lead in setting up dates, etc. Is there a rule book? lol...I guess im looking for some dating advice because he is someone that I am very interested but don't know what to do next....
 
There are no rules in this. Go with your instinct, or against it if you fear your fears are crippling you.

That said, I always advocate not to date right out of the closet. You have a lot to learn about yourself, and the constant use of the word "masculine" and talking about hating the gay scene as if that's a good thing, tells me you aren't there yet. Of course, if you like the guy, go for it, but keep an open mind, meet other gay people, LEARN about the gay scene, interact with less "masculine" guys, explore. Being gay is so much more than "omg I hope nothing else changes".
 
....ive been dealing with being gay forever but im the guy you don't expect to be gay and come from a semi conservative upbringing / friend group....i know the gay scene and have other gay friends. I was not meaning to sound degrading or anything but I can tell you that when I go to a gay bar there is nothing in it for me and I have zero attraction/interest in flamboyant men. I would much rather hang out with my straight friends at the bar or with my gay friends at a "straight" bar. That being said he reminds me of my straight friends but is gay and that is what I have been attracted to / looking for. So while I have finally started telling people the truth, this is not new for me.. (hopefully that makes sense). I don't hate the gay scene just don't relate at all... :/
 
There's nothing wrong with taking the lead in the early stages, but at some point I'd think you'd want him to show some reciprocal interest.
 
Rolyo85 said:
There are no rules in this. Go with your instinct, or against it if you fear your fears are crippling you.

That said, I always advocate not to date right out of the closet. You have a lot to learn about yourself, and the constant use of the word "masculine" and talking about hating the gay scene as if that's a good thing, tells me you aren't there yet. Of course, if you like the guy, go for it, but keep an open mind, meet other gay people, LEARN about the gay scene, interact with less "masculine" guys, explore. Being gay is so much more than "omg I hope nothing else changes".
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The gay scene isn't for everyone. I spent very little time in it but didn't like what I saw, my current and only boyfriend of 7 years spent a lot of time in it and couldn't wait to get out of it once we got together. It just may not be the OP's thing. It's kind of like hating mushrooms. You can keep forcing yourself to eat them because they are good for you but you still won't like them.
 
I agree. It's just a lot of closeted guys' thing to try to distance themselves from anything they consider to be "too gay", which is a remnant of the closet. OP should just learn on his own whether he dislikes it for real, or because he is afraid to be thought of as "gay".
 
I guess in a hetero relationship the guy has to do all the contact especially in the beginning....so that is why this is so confusing to me.
 
I don't think there is anything wrong with texting, or better yet...calling, a guy that you like, and that you've had a couple of good dates with, and asking him if he wants to get together again soon. Ask him how his trip went and tell him to contact you when he's free.
 
jaysizzles said:
I don't think there is anything wrong with texting, or better yet...calling, a guy that you like, and that you've had a couple of good dates with, and asking him if he wants to get together again soon. Ask him how his trip went and tell him to contact you when he's free.
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Well his job is pretty hardcore right now (1st year of Residency Med) so calling would be a better option I guess... I just don't want to come across as desperate when in reality I just like being around him and there is definite chemistry...I just hate the waiting game and never thought I would be the one who was waiting on the other side for the text hahaha
 
If you want to see him again, by all means call him and set something up. If over time you find that you're always the one who has to call him, then you can take that as a sign. Just my $0.02.
 
well i finally texted a "hello" text....started talking and date 3 is in the works...thanks boys....but still would like other input...
 
blah834 said:
well i finally texted a "hello" text....started talking and date 3 is in the works...thanks boys....but still would like other input...
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Not sure what you want input about. Hang out together, do stuff you both like, enjoy each other's company, have sex if you both want to. It's a relationship, not a penance! Just have fun with it! :D
 
loveguys72 said:
Not sure what you want input about. Hang out together, do stuff you both like, enjoy each other's company, have sex if you both want to. It's a relationship, not a penance! Just have fun with it! :D
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lol well yea!!! I just never have done it before where my true self is involved...scary but exciting!
 
Well, good for you on getting to date 3! :)

Since he's in his residency, you know he's really busy and putting in long hours...I'm guessing he's not often available or on a routine schedule. With voice mail and texting, it's not usually an issue to get a hold of someone in this day and age. Since one of your concerns is how often contact should be (I'm assuming it's because you don't want to bug him or have it to appear as if you are putting pressure on him for any kind of commitment, and especially since this is all new to you), and that you'd like him to feel free to contact you too...I'd say it's time to talk to him about it. You know he likes you, or he wouldn't want a 3rd date, so it's ok to casually talk about this kind of stuff, as well talk about what you are looking for in whatever kind of relationship/friendship you each want, at these respective stages in your lives.
 
jaysizzles said:
Well, good for you on getting to date 3! :)

Since he's in his residency, you know he's really busy and putting in long hours...I'm guessing he's not often available or on a routine schedule. With voice mail and texting, it's not usually an issue to get a hold of someone in this day and age. Since one of your concerns is how often contact should be (I'm assuming it's because you don't want to bug him or have it to appear as if you are putting pressure on him for any kind of commitment, and especially since this is all new to you), and that you'd like him to feel free to contact you too...I'd say it's time to talk to him about it. You know he likes you, or he wouldn't want a 3rd date, so it's ok to casually talk about this kind of stuff, as well talk about what you are looking for in whatever kind of relationship/friendship you each want, at these respective stages in your lives.
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Just so. Communication is the key to any good relationship.
 
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