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Dating after a really bad break up...

subfer1

subfer1

.:fuck y'all:.
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So, I was in love with this guy for 3 years, we had become good friends and had not really dared become involved. That was until this year. We started something and it was so intense... But he had so much shit in his head from before... So many insecurities (of which I have my own share), but his were bad and we ended up separating, roughly.
Now, we run into each other a lot, as he studies the same major I did and I work in the building where he takes his classes. I've thought of dating again, tried with one guy, we even made out, all on his initiative, but then, he spoke to me and I snapped back into reality... I was thinking of my ex... So now, I can't even bring myself to think of dating anyone else...
Tough shit is, my ex is already dating and making a show of it... I don't want to be alone, but I don't even know what to do anymore, I feel so stupid because now I can't even come up with the will to accept a compliment. Some guys have come on to me, I knew they were, but just knowing they were put me off... Am I broken?
 
I'd say you're temporarily broken which is exactly where you ought to be. Some people rebound as a way of masking feelings and that can lead to serious issues down the road. It seems as if you are wired to heal first. The general advice is to not get involved for a year and it seems as if that's what your mind is doing. Give it more time and you'll be healed and all the better prepared.

Best wishes.
 
You need to get your confidence/self esteem back. This is usually a journey you take by yourself. This is your priority. Once you feel confident, you wouldn't care less if your ex is making a show of his dating life. It is not a competition. Once you feel confident, you will attract other people because of your positive outlook in life.

Start by setting up goals that you want to accomplish. It could be any of the following: involve in different school clubs, a new hobby, a weekend getaway with other friends or family, make new friends, set new exercise and/or financial goals for the next 6 months, etc. The key is to get to know yourself first...self improvement. This is a lone journey...be comfortable in your own skin.

Keep your social life busy. The more you know people, the more you will learn from others. It's social networking.
 
allow ur self to heal, cos if u don't u could end up just not being urself, and there isnt anything worse than losing urself. trust me on this and allow ur self time.

speaking from experience
 
Time to work on yourself. Take a year off of dating to enjoy being single, and focus on what you love to do. After my first relationship died after 7 years it took me 3 years to be emotionally healthy enough to fall in love again. Cultivate your friendships and minimize any contact with him.
 
I agree with all. You should get off your ex bf from your mind, trully let him go in your mind and then you will be ready for something new. The deeper relationship it was, the more important it is.
 
Ok, this is the thing. A psychologist I talked to told me that if I take the time off without dating anyone, I might get detached and might get too used to being on my own. He's advised me to date, even if it doesn't get me anywhere, but I don't know about that... Besides, there is this guy who is asking me out and I kinda like him, but then, trouble started showing up. #1, his name is the same as my ex (not kidding), #2, he shares the same birthday (also, NOT KIDDING), and #3, the day when I added him on FB, it said he had just gone single, like 30 minutes before adding me, and he said he was single from the get go... I don't think it's going to get anywhere, and I mostly feel that it will be so because I just don't feel like trusting anyone yet...
 
Get "detached"? Where did that twat get his degree? You can either do a rebound guy, or take time off to yourself. I personally think it's healthier and less hurtful to others to take the time off route. *shrug*
 
He didn't mean a rebound, I guess I should've been more specific. He told me to go out, without letting it get too serious or going beyond what I feel comfortable with, but that I should keep my mind open to the possibility in case someone good actually showed up. He said that if that were to happen, then I could make the decission of risking going for it or not, and of looking for counselling if I wanted to try and make sure I wasn't just covering for the previous guy. That way, it doesn't sound so bad. But I still feel weird about the idea...
 
MoltenRock III said:
Get "detached"? Where did that twat get his degree? You can either do a rebound guy, or take time off to yourself. I personally think it's healthier and less hurtful to others to take the time off route. *shrug*
Click to expand...

Great advice here! You need to be alone to build self confidence.
 
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