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'Dating' an Older Guy

C

Cognition

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For approximately a month, I've been seeing a guy who's in his early 40s. While we haven't done anything sexual, he has been quite non-obnoxiously persistent in his efforts to seduce with the (non-vulgar) language in his text messages and phone calls. He's been quite a gentleman so far, but I'm growing mildly uncomfortable with how things are progressing.

What exactly makes me uncomfortable?
We have cuddled together a few times watching movies and such, but the whole idea of going further than that just freaks me out. I don't know whether it's his age, size (a former marine who's quite physically fit, standing at 6'3"), or a combination of both. I think I may just have a problem being physical with a guy who could be my father.

How do I convey that I'm probably not relationship material?
In addition to the age and size issues, I don't think a relationship with this guy is a good thing. I much baggage in the form of self-esteem issues and past relationship 'wounds' that practically prevent me from forming anything more than platonic relationships. I would like to keep this guy as a friend due to how much we have in common and because I have only a hand-count number of friends.

What on Earth do I do about this?
 
You should stay with him. He's into you, and you need to get over your past issues. He'll help with that. He has experience, which is valuable.
 
inlovewithblair said:
You should stay with him. He's into you, and you need to get over your past issues. He'll help with that. He has experience, which is valuable.
Click to expand...

Who says he has experience? Just because he's older doesn't mean he has gay//relationship experience.
 
Called Him Last Night

I decided to call him last night and confess about my various 'issues' and how they would not be conducive for a relationship. I told him that I begin therapy later this week and until I'm well.

I thought admitting that my issues that have assasinated many of my past relationships would deter him. But it didn't.

He actually commended me for being honest and admitted that he admired me even more for being upfront with him. He thought it was great being so honest with him.

So, I think I'll finally admit that being in a relationship will not be good for me or him sometime later this week. I just don't want to hurt his feelings and risk loosing another friend.
 
Re: Called Him Last Night

Cognition said:
I decided to call him last night and confess about my various 'issues' and how they would not be conducive for a relationship. I told him that I begin therapy later this week and until I'm well.

I thought admitting that my issues that have assasinated many of my past relationships would deter him. But it didn't.

He actually commended me for being honest and admitted that he admired me even more for being upfront with him. He thought it was great being so honest with him.

So, I think I'll finally admit that being in a relationship will not be good for me or him sometime later this week. I just don't want to hurt his feelings and risk loosing another friend.
Click to expand...

Tell him that you need support at the moment and it wouldn't be beneficial on either or your parts to be in a relationship, but that you would really appreciate his support while you work towards a better you. :)
 
why is everyone telling him to go for it? he's already said that he doesn't want a relationship. if the guy was fat & ugly and not a fit ex-marine would you be giving the same advice?

sounds like you know what you're doing. if you don't want a relationship just tell him or he might get pissed off at you for stringing him along
 
It looks like you shouldn't go for him in your view. A lot of members here are older men who will automatically encourage a cross generational relationship. Even if this guy was 20, if you were saying the exact same things, it doesn't sound right. You're just not ready for this and if you really think you aren't then don't torture yourself and this guy. You're saving him far more trouble by getting out soon rather than prolonging it.
 
>>>What on Earth do I do about this?

Ask yourself why the hell you're continuing to see a guy who makes you physically uncomfortable, and whom you can't see yourself in a relationship with. Stop stringing him along. Dump him, and find someone you CAN feel comfortable with.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
>>>What on Earth do I do about this?

Ask yourself why the hell you're continuing to see a guy who makes you physically uncomfortable, and whom you can't see yourself in a relationship with. Stop stringing him along. Dump him, and find someone you CAN feel comfortable with.

Lex
Click to expand...

I went over to his place tonight after my evening class for dinner. We both agreed that a relationship isn't appropriate right now, but we are going to be good friends.
 
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