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Dating and sexual compatibility

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mcbg22

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I've been on a few dates with this great guy and we seem to have a lot in common and the chemistry is good. We can talk about anything for hours, seem to want the same thing in a relationship, etc.

We haven't had sex yet but we had a discussion last night about what we were into sexually. He is a top while I personally don't care about anal sex and I see myself as more orally inclined. He says he loves oral but more receiving than giving. Don't get me wrong, I love to suck dick but I like having someone wanting to get me off too.

My friends say this could be a big issue if we keep dating but I'm not sure if that would be a valid reason to stop seeing someone when the rest is so perfect.

What do you guys think?
 
I'd say don't jump to any quick conclusions. Keep seeing him and when you get to the point of being physical, see where it goes (and don't judge after one or two events, give it some time). I believe once a person really "falls in love" with another, there are a lot of things they are willing to do (out of love) to please the other person. In my opinion, until you put some time/effort into the relationship and reach that level, you can't be sure how intimacy will truly go...
 
Maya Angelou's advice: "When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them the first time".

Personally, this wouldn't work for me on many levels.
 
If you haven't had sex yet, you have no way of knowing what wonders you can discover with two unclothed bodies, even when it feels like you're not going to be doing this the "usual way."
You may come to adore him and decided you want to give yourself to him and find this entirely agreeable (as long as the frequency doesn't exceed your comfort level), or he may decide that you're one hell of a guy and he wants to keep you with him, so he starts blowing you, much to your delight.
Things "look good on paper" much of the time, but the reality Trumps (yes, I DID use that word to make a point) it. Conversely, it can "look bad on paper," but the reality is pretty great.
By now, you'll have the lines of communication opened better and you can ask the hard questions that help you decide: to or stay?
"If we can't do anal, is that a deal breaker automatically?" and "I really like YOU. Do you feel the same about me?" (which can happen inside of 3 dates or even 6 months). That'll tell you about his feelings towards you (the depth of feeling) and whether his sexuality is fluid enough for him to want to be with YOU more than the sex being the leading factor.
 
The question isn't about "inclination", it's about how important your partner's pleasure is to you.

If either one of you isn't interested in compromising in order to please your partner, then you're both wasting your time.
 
... Honestly, I feel you on this predicament. I think this is something that we, as gay men, have to battle CONSTANTLY: the internalized push/pull struggle of sexual compatibility and how important it is to us.

This is why I think it's so important to have that talk with any prospective long-term partner before sooner rather than later. Because here's the thing: unless you're very much versatile and your sexual pleasure comes from your partner's sexual pleasure (a lot of versatile-type guys are like this, which I think is great) then you WILL have certain things that arouse you and certain things that don't arouse you. For me, it is HELLA important that I heavily consider that factor before I invest too much into any one person because (as other posters are suggesting) it will definitely be problematic for me down the road if the cards don't play out in my favor.

Furthermore, I hate it when people suggest that you need to be more 'flexible' or 'open-minded' when it comes to your sexual preferences or you'll never 'find someone'. So many people make that argument of "It's important to compromise and try new things..." Eh. Maybe generally speaking it is, but I'd argue that's the OPPOSITE of what makes for good sexual chemistry lol. It's important to find someone who is the ying to your yang, sexually speaking. Being flexible in bed = someone doing something they don't want to do. And in the bedroom, who the fuck wants to do that?

*laughs* Sorry - I'm ranting, but this topic get's me particularly heated. ANYWAY, I think the best way to go about resolving this issue is to take a step back and consider how important sexual compatibility is to you. Not necessarily how important HE is to you... but the topic of sexual compatibility. If it's something that you think would really irk you moving forward, then definitely broach the subject with him and talk about it. If he's insistent on where his sexual boundaries are set, then I'd respect that - but ultimately, make the best decision for yourself. You're not married to this guy. You don't need to factor in his wants/need more so than your own.
 
Thanks everybody.

Update: We had another great date last week, spent hours talking, cuddling and making out. He texted me after to say he had a great night, disappeared for a few days and texted me to say he didn't feel we had the right type of connection to keep things going. So on to the next I guess...
 
mcbg22 said:
Update: We had another great date last week, spent hours talking, cuddling and making out. He texted me after to say he had a great night, disappeared for a few days and texted me to say he didn't feel we had the right type of connection to keep things going. So on to the next I guess...
Click to expand...

Yeah. Unfortunately, I kinda saw that coming. If he's a top who enjoys anal sex, but you're not into anal at all and you're looking for more of an orally-inclined versatile partner... then this is not a match haha.

But you'll bounce back! Just keep yourself out there. There's going to be someone more naturally compatible with your emotional/sexual needs than this guy is.
 
I think this is a somewhat strange thing for me to say due to how much I value open and honest and forthright communication, but there is such a thing, in my opinion, as talking oneself out of a relationship. In the very early stages of getting to know someone, I think conversation can indicate a lack of passion.
 
If you aren't in to the idea of presenting to him your little plugged ass....don't waste each other's time
 
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