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Dating outside your race

Everyone's different. I've approached white guys that don't like black guys, I've been approached by white guys who don't care. Same with other races--Latino, Asian, mixed--everyone has different preferences. From a personal standpoint I have a thing for the jock-type white guy. But like I said earlier, if you're attractvie, educated, and have a sense of humor. I don't care what race you are.
 
Okay...I'll put this out there. We're talking specifically about "race" here but, from my observation, many times this goes well beyond that. When I first moved to Atlanta and my first time ever in a gay bar, I overheard two white guys talking about me. It was a brief conversation but the one thing that stood out was the statement by one of the guys which was "He's cute, but I don't do chocolate." Now, other than being somewhat offended at the time and after many years of starting to figure out what it is that drives me and my attractions, I've come to realize that it's combination of racial prejudice and commonality that keep some guys from dating another guy of a specific race.

I'll use the bear culture as an example. I'll probably get some heat for this, but this is just my observation. Right now, it is probably the most homogeneous collective of "Like Seeks Like". There are certain physical attributes that would classify someone as a bear/cub and the large majority of people that classify themselves as bear/cub seeks someone with those same attributes. And I dare say that only in recent years have more non-white bears/cubs become more visible because for the longest time, the bear/cub moniker was seen as strictly a white thing. I have plenty of bear friends and my ex- might even be considered a daddy bear by some. But from what I've seen of a lot in the bear community is that they gravitate towards men that have, first, the same physical commonality.

As for the prejudice, I've experienced it on both a physical and social level. I have a friend that I have an attraction to. It wasn't isn't but as I got to know him. It grew over a very short time. I'd like his energy, attitude and drive. We're two different races but it didn't matter to me. Well..in 2009, he and I are on the same tennis team and we're at a match talking about relationships and attractions and he openly admits that he's not really attracted to black guys because of the lack of body hair. So..to clear things up, I take his hand and place it under my shirt against my chest and stomach...and he nearly flips out at how hairy I am...and I'm black. At that point, his view of me changed and he openly started showing more "intimate" interest in me. The point of this rant is that he had a prejudice of black guys and lumped all black guys into the same box. Maybe it was from past experience? I don't know, but I knew that at that moment I filled ALL the requirements for him to be interested in me. It wasn't simply about my perceived race but more a genetic feature that he associated with my race that is simply is not true.

With that rant being said, my requirements to date aren't driven by race, but I will say that I do have a physical type that catches my eye more times than not. But it's the personality and character that holds me and makes me want to date a person. That extends beyond race. And unfortunately, in the ATL, I'd encountered so many black guys that I did not mesh with in terms of character and personality. So, I left the door open and it was often guys of other racial distinctions that ended up holding my attention.
 
Pyscean said:
I'll use the bear culture as an example. I'll probably get some heat for this, but this is just my observation. Right now, it is probably the most homogeneous collective of "Like Seeks Like". There are certain physical attributes that would classify someone as a bear/cub and the large majority of people that classify themselves as bear/cub seeks someone with those same attributes. And I dare say that only in recent years have more non-white bears/cubs become more visible because for the longest time, the bear/cub moniker was seen as strictly a white thing. I have plenty of bear friends and my ex- might even be considered a daddy bear by some. But from what I've seen of a lot in the bear community is that they gravitate towards men that have, first, the same physical commonality.
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In bear culture it sort of is strictly a white thing. Here on the west coast in Portland, Oregon the bears here are about 95% white and just a small minority are people of color. Was at Portland pride a few weeks back, I waited for the Oregon Bears to come through in the parade, saw only one black dude and one Asian carrying the banner the rest were nothing but white. I've seen a bit more diversity with bears in Southern California. When attending the bear parties I usually will see black and Latino guys chatting it up and having a good time.

Its even more depressing knowing that race plays a huge hole in making friends with bears too. Bears in general seem to be the most discriminating bunch of assholes in the world, far worse than twinks and fit muscle guys. If it's not making friends, within the dating situation bears are just as picky and stuck up about who they date. You can be too fat or too skinny, not white looking enough or even not manly enough. It's all a fucked up situation with bears.
 
GamerBear said:
In bear culture it sort of is strictly a white thing. Here on the west coast in Portland, Oregon the bears here are about 95% white and just a small minority are people of color. Was at Portland pride a few weeks back, I waited for the Oregon Bears to come through in the parade, saw only one black dude and one Asian carrying the banner the rest were nothing but white. I've seen a bit more diversity with bears in Southern California. When attending the bear parties I usually will see black and Latino guys chatting it up and having a good time.

Its even more depressing knowing that race plays a huge hole in making friends with bears too. Bears in general seem to be the most discriminating bunch of assholes in the world, far worse than twinks and fit muscle guys. If it's not making friends, within the dating situation bears are just as picky and stuck up about who they date. You can be too fat or too skinny, not white looking enough or even not manly enough. It's all a fucked up situation with bears.
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Ok..I both agree and disagree with you regarding bears. From what I know of Portland, it's not the most ethnically diverse city. It is a pre-dominantly white city so I would expect a group like Oregon Bears to reflect the demographic of the area.

Where I agree with you is I have noticed that most bears tie their friendships to their attractions. Since I've found that they are generally attracted to other bears (and the vast majority tend to be white) it comes out as discriminating the same if not more than other groups. Where I disagree is that they're assholes. I reserve the asshole label for the individual or small clique within the larger group. Even outside of the bear group, you're going to have groups of guys that will think some guy is too fat, too skinny, etc. And as far as a bear calling someone not manly enough!?!??! I've met some pretty rugged looking musclebear types that were nothing but raging queens. I'm lucky and blessed enough to have a variety of friends, bear included. Those that are bears are open-minded enough to value me as a complete person and not for my individual parts.
 
I don't have a problem with people dating other races. I have a problem with people dating other species. :lol:
 
n8thadj said:
I'm a man of color and I date mostly white men, I find that this is still a problem within out community and I can't seem to understand why its such a problem or bothers people when someone makes a choice to date someone of a different race. Any thoughts on this topic?
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Generations of built-in prejudice.
 
Pyscean said:
Ok..I both agree and disagree with you regarding bears. From what I know of Portland, it's not the most ethnically diverse city. It is a pre-dominantly white city so I would expect a group like Oregon Bears to reflect the demographic of the area.

Where I agree with you is I have noticed that most bears tie their friendships to their attractions. Since I've found that they are generally attracted to other bears (and the vast majority tend to be white) it comes out as discriminating the same if not more than other groups. Where I disagree is that they're assholes. I reserve the asshole label for the individual or small clique within the larger group. Even outside of the bear group, you're going to have groups of guys that will think some guy is too fat, too skinny, etc. And as far as a bear calling someone not manly enough!?!??! I've met some pretty rugged looking musclebear types that were nothing but raging queens. I'm lucky and blessed enough to have a variety of friends, bear included. Those that are bears are open-minded enough to value me as a complete person and not for my individual parts.
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OK, I might of went too far with saying bears were assholes. Discriminating definitely YES most bears definitely are that way. Some are assholes but most are nice enough to even be my friend, but it seriously feels that a lot of the assholes live right here in Portland and apart of the Oregon Bears group. I can't even join their group til I get accepted by the leader which seems like it's one of those exclusive groups that I need to pass some sort of background check until they accept me. Shame, I really wanted to be apart of their group but I seriously feel you either have to be fucking someone within the group to draw some attention.
 
Pyscean said:
(....). When I first moved to Atlanta and my first time ever in a gay bar, I overheard two white guys talking about me. It was a brief conversation but the one thing that stood out was the statement by one of the guys which was "He's cute, but I don't do chocolate." (....).
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hi Pyscean,

I am a white guy of 57 year and I feel very sorry that those white guys showed no respect at all for you. For me it's obvious and clear: I don't mingle with white guys who have such shallow opinions, I don't consider such persons as friends, and I even avoid to greet them when they would pass by.

Pyscean said:
(....). We're two different races but it didn't matter to me. Well..in 2009, he and I are on the same tennis team and we're at a match talking about relationships and attractions and he openly admits that he's not really attracted to black guys because of the lack of body hair. So..to clear things up, I take his hand and place it under my shirt against my chest and stomach...and he nearly flips out at how hairy I am...and I'm black. At that point, his view of me changed and he openly started showing more "intimate" interest in me. (....).
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Thanks for sharing this experience. Excuse me very much, but your friend (what's his age?) seems to have very limited knowledge about physical features of adult black males. Any idea why this was the case?

Best wishes & take care.
 
Ganoderma said:
Thanks for sharing this experience. Excuse me very much, but your friend (what's his age?) seems to have very limited knowledge about physical features of adult black males. Any idea why this was the case?

Best wishes & take care.
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Ganoderma,

Thanks for the kind words. The friend that I mentioned is 51. As for his knowledge of black males, I can't speak to the exact reason why he thought the way he did. I can only speculate. As I was growing up, many of the other black males I was friends with were naturally very smooth. Perhaps that was his experience for the majority of his life regarding black men..and he simply does not find smooth men attractive. So..by default, he created an association between black men and smooth skin.
 
You should blame the straight community for segregating between the races so much. We gays can only learn from what we've been shown and as long as straight people make a big deal about interracial dating gay people will do, too. And it's much harder for black men to be openly gay due to a lot of homophobia present among black cultures across the world.

If the black gay community would be much bolder and more open with the rest of the world the rest (of us) will follow suit and get used to it much earlier in our sexual development, otherwise it proves safer to stay on the down low on your side.

Another issue is that, especially in the US, racial communities tend to keep to themselves, which doesn't give outsiders a good taste of what they can offer. Even here in Europe (when I was younger) I wasn't exposed to non-white men as much within my circles. I am attracted to some here and there but in my instilled dating profile (mentally) they aren't high on the list.
 
^^^

I agree. Hopefully with this new generation of BGM, and gay men of color in general, (myself included) we will understand the ignorance and change it.

As to the OP, maybe you should maybe see the whole picture. Being that you're from the area that you are from, it isn't common to see interracial gay couples.

For example, nine times out of ten, black men in Atlanta are not going to date any other man except black. That's just the sad fact.

The black gay community in that area has become anti interracial in recent years and it's sad but you can do one of three things.

1.Accept it and go along with it.
2.Move to a more diverse area.
and probably 2.5 Don't associate yourself with the black gay community like I honestly don't.
3.Change it. If you encounter someone that has a problem with it, don't make a big deal out of it. You are going to hear comments and get hateful looks. But really, they are probably just jealous to be honest.
 
Singularity said:
You should blame the straight community for segregating between the races so much. We gays can only learn from what we've been shown and as long as straight people make a big deal about interracial dating gay people will do, too. And it's much harder for black men to be openly gay due to a lot of homophobia present among black cultures across the world.

If the black gay community would be much bolder and more open with the rest of the world the rest (of us) will follow suit and get used to it much earlier in our sexual development, otherwise it proves safer to stay on the down low on your side.

Another issue is that, especially in the US, racial communities tend to keep to themselves, which doesn't give outsiders a good taste of what they can offer. Even here in Europe (when I was younger) I wasn't exposed to non-white men as much within my circles. I am attracted to some here and there but in my instilled dating profile (mentally) they aren't high on the list.
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Sorry but this is bull.
The straight community has little problem these days with interracial dating. Mixed babies are all the rage. None of my white friends mind fucking a hot black, asian or latina chick. And a good number of them have little problem dating any of them.

In my experience, the gay community is even MORE racist and scared of dating non-whites than the white community. And not sure why blacks not being out is an issue :shrug:
 
Thanks for all of your views on this subject, I posted the topic because I just wanted to see others views and opinions.
I have dated my share of both black and white men, but as stated before I don't judge a book by its cover because what's written inside can be the most beautiful words ever written and you may have just passed up a wonderful read, so I apply this thought to every person I meet and look past the shell and get to know the soul, to me that's where the true beauty of a person lies. Thanks for all of your input guys.
 
I never think of it as "dating outside my race" but dating inside my species.

For some reason, I've been like that ever since I was a kid: I just never considered not dating, or sleeping with somebody, because of skin color.

I'm caucasian, but these days there seems to be more pressure on black guys from other black guys not to date white guys then there is on white guys not to date black guys.

It's strange how much of an issue it is for some people, and not at all for others... But whenever someone asks me why I'm dating black guys (which I have quite a lot) I just smirk and say, "Reparations, baby, reparations -- and I got a whole lotta guilt to work through..."

Some people laugh. Some people look at me like they don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

But it's been known to result in extra dates. Seriously.
 
I think that interracial relationships are beautiful; they show, above all else, that love does not discriminate.
 
Chuck69 said:
.. But whenever someone asks me why I'm dating black guys (which I have quite a lot) I just smirk and say, "Reparations, baby, reparations -- and I got a whole lotta guilt to work through..."

Some people laugh. Some people look at me like they don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

But it's been known to result in extra dates. Seriously.
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LMAO!! Yeah..that's pretty funny! But I'm sure that some people that don't find your comments funny actually DON'T know what you're talking about. I chalk it to being sheltered. Those that do know and don't find it funny...well..I think they're missing out on a good laugh.
 
Special K said:
I think that interracial relationships are beautiful; they show, above all else, that love does not discriminate.
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Unless it's someone black who says how much the whites turn him on, but not the asians. Or someone east asian into someone middle eastern but not east asian. Or someone white into someone native, but not aborigine…Or someone...
 
Who are we kidding love discriminates.

Ethnicity, "race" (which is an invented construct - what is "white" for example) cultural context - with all the inherent baggage and history most definitely influences our choices of partner and what we find attractive.

It's not being reasonable to say otherwise. So long as you are aware of that, and you aren't some kind of hater, it is what it is.
 
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