Dating someone older

[warrenuk]

Hello all.
Im having a real problem. 3 weeks ago i met a man i thought was 28. He has become my first boyfriend and we get on amazingly well and im having very strong emotional feelings towards him.
Tonight he told me he is infact 35 years old. Im 25 so this is now a 10 years age gap.
This was a massive shock to me and i dont know how to deal with this.
It feels so complicated for a whole host of reasons. I know the logical thing that i should be thinking is age doesnt matter. Cuz thats the exact advice i'd give to someone else if i answered this post myself.
Im just feeling so many conflicting feelings over this.
I feel like i dont know who the guy is anymore, like im suddenly dating a whole new person. I feel like a huge part of my future has been snatched away. Im worried as we get older that as we age i wont be attracted to him anymore as hes quite a bit ahead of me in years.
Im scared others will judge us for being together with such a gap.

sorry i know the post is all a bit disjointed but i just needed to vent some emotion. Im terrified of losing this guy as hes ment so much to me, but at the same time i dont know if im ever going to be able to get over the age thing.
Has anyone else here been in a similar situation

 

[TX-Beau]

Did he tell you he was 28?

 

[warrenuk]

He made a mistake on his profile, he told me he was 35 today because he realised from some of the things i had said to him that there was obviously some sort of misscommunication going on about his age

 

[chance1]

i guess it could be an honest mistake - if so, there is no issue of truthfulness

then it's up to you re: the age diff

for me 25 + 35 is no problem but for others ........

your call

 

[Eagle653]

Only you can tell if this is an issue for you. Usually, it's best to listen to your instincts.

Give yourself time, though, before making a final decision either way. Get over the surprise and have an honest conversation with yourself to see if this really matters. If so, own up to your feelings, and be honest with him and yourself and move on.

Remember, though, that there were things that attracted you to him. These things haven't changed--even though you're surprised, he really is the same person.

Don't worry about aging differently or becoming less attractive with age. You can't live out your whole life in the next week, and it's best not to try. If you stick together, and age together, you will have fallen in love with aspects other than looks, sexual-stamina, and all the rest. Your love will mature and what's important to you now will be less important to you in later-life. Nature is kind to us that way!

Good luck! Just be honest with yourself and make no apologies to anyone either way. It's your call.

 

[sixthson]

This really isn't about the age difference, is it, Warren?

 

[Orlandude]

This really isn't about the age difference, is it, Warren?

Exactly what I was thinking. Then again, I don't see a 10 year difference as a horrible situation. If the guy was lying about his age that would be one thing. Evidently he wasn't. Just sayin...

 

[warrenuk]

The mistake about the age isn't really an issue it just came as a total shock when he told me. Having now had some time to think on it, I'm not ready to throw things away because we have so much in common. I know nothing has really changed from when I thought he was younger except my perception of him. I just hope like you say Eagle it's just the supprise of it that's got me worried.
I suppose we'll take it as it comes. After all it's early days.
Im just way too caught up on what others think I guess.
Thanks for the replies everyone, I do appreciate the advice

 

[warrenuk]

This really isn't about the age difference, is it, Warren?

Yeh it is very much about the age difference. I've tried to outline generally what I'm feelin about the situation, but if I went into everything that was going on it would probably take up several very boring pages lol

 

[sixthson]

Yeh it is very much about the age difference.

No, it isn't. You are just not being honest with yourself.

You have very few posts here, so anyone could quickly read through what you have posted. You have issues with your sexuality in general and fear and insecurities, specifically.
Go back and read your own posts.

I am not being unkind to you. You seem like a nice guy. I hope you work things out.

 

[altlover85]

He made a mistake on his profile, he told me he was 35 today because he realised from some of the things i had said to him that there was obviously some sort of misscommunication going on about his age

Can you explain this mistake a little more? I don't understand how someone could mess up their profile and go from being 28 to 35.

 

[youngnihilist]

Yeah, that wasn't a "mistake." It's not like 35 goes to 28 with some careless key strokes. He lied about his age to make himself look better. If he's lying about his age, what else is he willing to lie about...?

 

[bankside]

Age isn't an issue? He made it an issue by lying about it. Why didn't he think you two could relate if you knew there was 10 years between you? Which is, after all, only the truth....

I'm 38. I met my guy when I was 25, and he actually was 3 years older than me, even on his passport! But I knew 35 year olds back then, and I was old enough to appreciate the differences that age can bring, and old enough to even enjoy some of those differences and see them as advantages. This isn't about age though.

You've found a lier who has some kind of weird insecurity. He has no right to expect you to accept this. But if you choose to keep seeing him, pay extra attention for any signs of other lies. He will have to work hard to make it up to you.
And if you're willing to let him try, that means you're making him a generous offer. If he doesn't see it that way, it's time for him to go.

 

[genthree]

He has lied to you, in time people learn that lying just complicates things, and in the end you will be sprung. Tell him you (2) have had a bad start and to clear the air and go on from there.
Age is only a problem if you think it is . My last BF was 14 yrs younger than me and we were together for 13 yrs. All good.