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Dating someone who works at a bathhouse

R

recuerdeme

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So I met this guy and during the course of us getting to know each other the "what do you do" question came up. Turns out he works at one of the local gay "spas"

Gut reaction... damn just when I thought I had found someone respectable.

Would/have you dated a sex club worker?

Call me paranoid or insecure or whatever but temptation is a powerful thing and he's surrounded by it for 8 hours a day... well I don't know his schedule but you get the point

Also feel kind of sheepish, although I don't frequent those places I have gone and to the one he works at so, maybe he'll pull me up in their database and see just how many times I've been there !oops! Again not often but I'm one of those good guys and his perfect perception of me may be shattered :rolleyes:
 
Some of the best individuals I know work in sex places or are involved in massage. Forget the trappings of the job. At least he has one.
 
It'd be one thing if he was an escort, porn actor, or "masseur"

But all he does is work at the bathhouse? You realize bathhouse employees don't partake... they have to work!
 
not only that but I can't imagine him liking his job much =/

When I was dating a stripper sex/sex talk was usually an issue for us simply because her job had turned that experience into such a job

Rather then him straying I'm wondering if he might have other issues for u two to work through down the line
 
Personally, I would not date a sex worker. For me, what the guy does for a living is important to me because it also defines him as a person, including his values. If his chosen profession makes him happy, he is more likely to be a happy person off work. That doesn't mean he has to be some high-flying, well-educated professional, but his job has to give him a sense of purpose and dignity. I would never disrespect anyone for what they do for a living, but I would chose to date a sex worker.
 
He could also be desensitized to it. I used to think thousands of dollars were large sums of money, but now, after two years of working with money, I don't get phased talking about clients who owe us hundreds of thousands of dollars. It could be the same way with bathhouse guy; after a couple years of working there every day it could be a non issue for him.
 
By posting here you are questioning your beliefs and prejudices. The quality of the person should override all else, but the operative word is should. Is this about you or about what the response will be from family and friends? Still important, but a different issue.
 
You didn't say what he does at the club. Does he give blow jobs and hand jobs, or does he work the cash register?
 
A lot of people have been affected by the economy and may be jobless due to no fault of their own. I'm lucky to not be in that position but I can certainly understand someone working at a club because it pays the bills. It sure beats the street. I think you need to search your heart and if this person has qualities you desire then I would not dwell on the work but rather the person.
 
OK, what are you concerned about? The fact that he works in a bathhouse? Or the fact that he might cheat on you in the bathhouse? 'Cause they're very different things.


SteveyBoyLA said:
Personally, I would not date a sex worker. For me, what the guy does for a living is important to me because it also defines him as a person, including his values. If his chosen profession makes him happy, he is more likely to be a happy person off work. That doesn't mean he has to be some high-flying, well-educated professional, but his job has to give him a sense of purpose and dignity. I would never disrespect anyone for what they do for a living, but I would chose to date a sex worker.
Click to expand...

(emphasis mine)

LOL, so you wouldn't disrespect the guy, but then you go right ahead and disrespect the guy, Right. "sex worker?" Really?

Yeah, that fairly oozes condescension and judgement. I've never heard of a bathhouse that hires staff to pleasure the customers, that would be prostitution, and while that might happen in places where it's legal, I've never run across it.

So what exactly makes you think this guy is a "sex worker?" 'Cause I really don't think handing out towels and keys cuts it - and FYI, the majority of those upstanding dignified citizens out there think of you the same way they think of sex workers, because you're a man who sucks cock, and they know that's disgusting and sleazy, they know there's no way any guy who takes another guy's dick up his ass can have a sense of purpose and dignity..

...People who live in glass houses...
 
TX-Beau said:
OK, what are you concerned about? The fact that he works in a bathhouse? Or the fact that he might cheat on you in the bathhouse? 'Cause they're very different things.
Click to expand...

Both really, there's that temptation factor and there's the introducing to friends/family factor. He works at the front desk.

I've decided not to pursue it... at least not actively, this one would have to woo me.
 
Well, he works there, not because he wants to get laid, because he needs the money. That Lawyer on the other hand who's money pays his wage, goes there specifically to get laid. You'd have no problem introducing him to your mom.

Which is the greater chance for cheating? 'Bout even I'd say. Guys don't cheat because of where they work, and the temptation of the bathhouse doesn't require employment in one.

No offense, but I think you've got a bit of a double standard going on here.
 
I don't know for sure, but I highly suspect that employees are forbidden to indulge, letting them do so smells like vice raid.
 
It makes me sad that you're planning to deny this guy a chance.

For one, you have gone there yourself, so it's hypocritical to judge him for working there.

Secondly, at least at the bathhouse I went to the couple times I did, the employees are not aloud to have sex there (during or after hours). I presume this is for the already mentioned reason that it would look pretty similar to prostitution.
 
Hoo Boy Steveyboy!

I worked a six month season in a Gay Campground, which has often been described as a "bath house in the woods"

I also have a college degree from a prestigious university, worked ten years in management at a fortune 100 company, and five more at another well known fortune 500 company. Never have I thought to put "sex-worker" on my resume HA HA! Steveyboy, life meanders down many interesting paths.

I was a late bloomer, (I believe in emotional sex as opposed to casual sex) and am in my 40's. So far I have only have had relations with nine guys in my life.

At camp I was propositioned on a multi-daily basis. And yes I saw things that would make your head spin. But I had a partner and he was my true love so nobody else mattered. Sure it was fun to watch the guys play, but for the most part I was digging trenches, escorting campers, building bonfires, fixing electrical or water breaks and hauling trash. I had guys apologize for propositioning me (thinking I was offended) when in reality I was concentrating on work and didn't hear them. I felt bad for my partner - after all he was dating the guy who picked up the used condoms from behind the rec hall.

Camp was the most fun summer of my life. But I'm also a former Boy Scout leader, Habitat for Humanity volunteer, and I'm helping to put two kids through college. I'd say I'm respectable - Get to know the boyfriend that stands behind the smoke and mirrors you put up in your mind.
 
mpdan said:
Hoo Boy Steveyboy!

I worked a six month season in a Gay Campground, which has often been described as a "bath house in the woods"

I also have a college degree from a prestigious university, worked ten years in management at a fortune 100 company, and five more at another well known fortune 500 company. Never have I thought to put "sex-worker" on my resume HA HA! Steveyboy, life meanders down many interesting paths.

I was a late bloomer, (I believe in emotional sex as opposed to casual sex) and am in my 40's. So far I have only have had relations with nine guys in my life.

At camp I was propositioned on a multi-daily basis. And yes I saw things that would make your head spin. But I had a partner and he was my true love so nobody else mattered. Sure it was fun to watch the guys play, but for the most part I was digging trenches, escorting campers, building bonfires, fixing electrical or water breaks and hauling trash. I had guys apologize for propositioning me (thinking I was offended) when in reality I was concentrating on work and didn't hear them. I felt bad for my partner - after all he was dating the guy who picked up the used condoms from behind the rec hall.

Camp was the most fun summer of my life. But I'm also a former Boy Scout leader, Habitat for Humanity volunteer, and I'm helping to put two kids through college. I'd say I'm respectable - Get to know the boyfriend that stands behind the smoke and mirrors you put up in your mind.
Click to expand...

Well said!
 
mpdan said:
Hoo Boy Steveyboy!

I worked a six month season in a Gay Campground, which has often been described as a "bath house in the woods"

I also have a college degree from a prestigious university, worked ten years in management at a fortune 100 company, and five more at another well known fortune 500 company. Never have I thought to put "sex-worker" on my resume HA HA! Steveyboy, life meanders down many interesting paths.

I was a late bloomer, (I believe in emotional sex as opposed to casual sex) and am in my 40's. So far I have only have had relations with nine guys in my life.

At camp I was propositioned on a multi-daily basis. And yes I saw things that would make your head spin. But I had a partner and he was my true love so nobody else mattered. Sure it was fun to watch the guys play, but for the most part I was digging trenches, escorting campers, building bonfires, fixing electrical or water breaks and hauling trash. I had guys apologize for propositioning me (thinking I was offended) when in reality I was concentrating on work and didn't hear them. I felt bad for my partner - after all he was dating the guy who picked up the used condoms from behind the rec hall.

Camp was the most fun summer of my life. But I'm also a former Boy Scout leader, Habitat for Humanity volunteer, and I'm helping to put two kids through college. I'd say I'm respectable - Get to know the boyfriend that stands behind the smoke and mirrors you put up in your mind.
Click to expand...

After looking at your replies to my post, as well as your response and that of TX- Beau, my response does ooze with condescension and judgement, if not down right offensive. Plus, I'm not sure where I was reading sex worker. I don't know where I got this judgemental inspiration from - it must have been because I was forced to watch Glenn Beck while at my parents' house that same day. My apologies to all!
 
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