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Dating two guys

CoolguyAT

CoolguyAT

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I'm not sure what i've gotten myself into but everyone i've talked with says its okay to date more than one person if its early on in that stage.

Here is my situation: I live in Charlottesville, VA and around the 3rd week in August I started chatting with a guy who lives in Washington DC. He happened to be in town in a couple of weeks for the UVA vs. USC game so we ended up meeting after the game and chatting and having a good time. Then he came over to my place the next day and one thing lead to another and we ended up in bed. I got into it and such but half way through I just said that I wasn't ready. He was totally cool with it and said he was open to being friends or more, but no pressure on his end. The next weekend I went to Washington and stayed with him at his place and yes we slept together but only had sex the first night. I enjoyed getting to know him though we had our differences a few times during the weekend but overall I thought he was a nice guy, he made me laugh, challenged me, but I told him before I left that for now I just wanted to be friends and he was cool with that.

Not too long after I started chatting with the guy in D.C. I met a guy at a local bar in Charlottesville and we've been e-mailing/texting each other and have gone out a couple of times since. I haven't gotten to know this guy as much as the one in D.C. because he's a very busy person but we haven't had sex or anything like that, just kissed once.

So for me there is a little more mystery with the guy here in Charlottesville but I find myself thinking more about the guy in D.C. I'm someone who is very caring so its not hard for me to care about someone, and I definitely care about the guy in D.C. Could it be that i've spent more time with the guy in D.C. as opposed to the guy in Cville? I will also add that while I find both men attractive, the one in Charlottesville is definitely a little more sexy. I'm just really confused and was hoping some of you guys could help me make sense of what's going on....LOL.
 
You're getting to know two guys at once. Nothing wrong with that, but you now have double the "where are we heading? what does it mean?" feelings that people normally have in this situation.

Just keep seeing who you want. Both if you'd like. Things will sort themselves out.

Lex
 
Thanks for the advice.....I think you hit it right on the nail, I do have that double, where are things headed feeling.
 
Well to complicate matters I had asked the guy in Charlottesville if we wanted to do something over the weekend and even invited him over to my apartment for dinner, he said he was pretty busy and would take a rain check on dinner so I said that was fine but to let me know if he decided to go out Saturday night.

I ended up chatting with a buddy of mine here in town that I hadn't seen in a few weeks so we decided to meet up at our local bar (the same one I met the guy i'm seeing). So I go to the bar and low and behold about 10 minutes later my guy showed up and he came over and talked to me for a few minutes and said he would catch up later in the evening....we never did because he left without even saying goodbye.

I did text him and say sorry that we missed each other and he said it was no problem, I asked him when he left, he told me not too long ago, and then I said hopefully we could catch up in a couple of days, and he said good. I told him good night and he never responded.

I'm getting mixed signals, after our first date if you want to call it, he was texting me back saying "It was so good to see you, I had a great time" things like that but since then he doesn't seem to be doing that and his answers are usually one word answers.
 
^ It sounds like he politely trying to tell you he is no longer interested with his subtle, brief replies. Pursue the other guy now.
 
^That's what i'm thinking but I guess i'm also not wanting to give up that easily. I did text him and see if he wanted to meet for a drink and he said it would depend on how late he is working...I don't know if that's an excuse or if he genuinely means it will depend how late he is working (he works for a car dealership).

Do you think its a good idea to just come out and ask where he sees this heading, we have been seeing each other for a few weeks now.
 
Just a quick response.....thanks for what you said and i'll certainly think more about it but right now i'm off to class! :)
 
1big14me, thanks for your response and input. I can certainly see what you are saying about looks and sexiness in a guy. We did end up meeting for drinks and seemed to have a good time but certainly struggled to maintain our conversation and thats when I found that other than being gay, loving to travel, gone to UVA, live in CVille that we don't have much else in common. Granted, he seems to be a quiet guy like I am so that may be it. Anyway, we are meeting again tomorrow night for drinks and I think i'm going to finally ask him where he sees us at. If nothing else I think we will be good friends.
 
Update.....things haven't changed too much, the guy here in Charlottesville I feel is playing games with me. One night we are all flirty with each other, etc. and then the next night he pretty much ignores me but then grabs me at the end of the night and gives me a kiss asking me to give him a call the next day. When I give him a call he proceeds to tell me that he's really busy and can't meet up. That's just an example.....I never did ask him where we were, I've been trying to find the right time but it just hasn't happened.

The guy in D.C. and I haven't talked too much, he's been doing alot of traveling the past couple of weeks but I am going to try and visit him either Columbus Day weekend and or/Halloween.
 
Another update for you all :) , i've decided to stop pursuing the guy here in Charlottesville for a few reasons:

1.) Other than physical attraction towards each other we don't have much else in common. I like him and I still think he's a great guy but I think we are that friendship stage and that things will probably stay there.

2.) I've tried to set up time with him, ask him to join me for a drink, invited him to dinner, etc. and he always makes excuses. Maybe it's just me but I would think if he was also interested he would at least try and say "Well I can't this day but lets try a few days later". He also answers texts and e-mails again with one or few word responses and just seems to be distancing himself.

3.) I have thought a lot about the guy in D.C. lately and frankly I miss him, throughout this whole thing in my heart I can say I truly care about him. He intrigues me, he makes me laugh, we have a lot to talk about, etc. Does he feel the same way about me? I don't know but I do still want to be his friend and keep the option open for being something more.

So in the meantime I am going to keep the possibility open about the guy in D.C. and maybe even explore other options but the guy in Charlottesville i'm going to back off on for now.

Thanks to everyone for the great advice you all gave! :)
 
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