Dating...

[hotandwet]

So I'm still a closet case check out my thread about it: http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=153370

But anyways... So I decided to make a profile on yahoo personals to see if I can meet guys that way. This guy sent me a message and gave me his cell number and asked me to text message him. So for the past couple of days i've been texting him back and forth and today we met. On his profile he only had one picture and he looked alright in the pic but it was just a pic of his face... So I meet him today and he's FUGLY!!! (FUCKIN UGLY!!!!!) And FAT!!!! his profile said he was "Athletic" he was FAT! He wasn't really obese or anything but he sure wasn't "Athletic!" OMG I was so disgusted when we ate... I lost my appetite, I almost threw up... seriously! The food was disgusting and the person i was with was disgusting, all i could think of the whole time was "Never Again," "When I get home I'm deleting my yahoo personals profile" and "OMG, WTF was I thinking!" The whole time he was trying to talk to me and I was just giving him one word answers so that he would figure I wasn't interested. I think It worked, but I felt bad for him so I payed which I kinda regret cause the food was disgusting! So after we left the restuarant I told him "You know what this isn't gonna work, I'm gonna leave now, It was nice meeting you." He looked kinda sad but I got the fuck outta there!

NEVER AGAIN!!!! I can do way better than this! I'm a good looking guy (not to sound cocky or anything...) I really want someone to be with but it's hard when your in the closet... The whole time i was driving home I was just thinking how badly I wanna tell everyone I'm gay so that guys (good looking one's) could know that I'm gay and available! I'd probably have better luck finding a guy at a club, but a lot of you guys say that's not a good place to find a guy cause all the guys at the club want sex. I went to a gay club for the first time recently and I was playing it straight cause the people I was with don't know I'm gay... Well anyways at the club I didn't get groped or fondled with or hit on by any guys! I think guys are intimidated by me cause I don't seem gay at all... but it also didn't help that I was dancing with girls at the club... but I have an image to maintain... I kno I sound like a cocky conceded little bitch but I dunno what to tell ya...

In conclusion... I think I'm ready to come out of the closet to more people b/c I really want to find someone to be in a relationship with and I know it's hard to do that when your in the closet. So I am considering going to a coming out support group

Oh yeah forgot to mention the guy I went on a date with was 30 years old and all the guys who have been sending me messages on yahoo personals have been over 30!

 

[RMphan]

I would keep your profile, just wait until someone your age messages you, it could change your life, seriously.

 

[chrisdobro]

mm kay .. welcome to online dating..

I have a couple of "horror stories" like that... Actually 3. Well actually more if I start counting. Only one of online things went the way I wanted. I had MUCH and I mean MUCH and ... I do mean MUCH better success in bars. i.e. 1-2 good online experience out of many bad ones and 1 bad bar experience out of many good ones has to tell you something.

It's not true that all guys in bars are looking for sex, but a lot are. It really depends on what you are looking for. I found my partner of 8 years now in a gay bar on the 2nd time I went there. I found my first date (no sex, just dating) on my first day in the bar. Thus when I was looking for friends, well actually not looking for anything, I found it, "it" being friendship, dating and boyfriend at the bar. And when I was looking for sex, I found sex in bars too.

Unfortunately bars are just a good (yet bad) place to meet people. there are other places, like weekend retreats, volunteering, etc, but I personally have not had much luck with those. Though some people have found their partners in those places. (Although one couple I know who found each other through weekend retreat is not currently fully happy as they are looking outside the relationship for sex, so I dunno)

In other new:
My advice to you upfront is to never meet your guys at your place. Imagine how bad it is in restaurants. Now imagine them coming over to your place and you having no interest in them. And it's much harder to kick them out right away. Nevertheless one date that did end in a good way for me was when I met a guy sight unseen by going to his place. We played quite nicely ...
Another advice is: don't let a guy drive you somewhere away from your car. Take your car and follow them. Otherwise if they decide to dump you somewhere without your car ..... bad news for you. It Almost happened to me. Good thing the guy had some ... goodness(?) or morals to him after he realized I won't give him what he was looking for, which was making out I guess.

As for your bar trip. Okay, you went with Straight boys, you played it Straight, and you were dancing with Girls. Well gay guys, while some do lack moral vision and will hit on a passed-out drunk to just screw something (I've seen it), most of the others will pick up on clues. In the situation you've described, I as a gay guy would chicken out from asking you out or even talking to you. For one I'm kinda shy, but in this case I'd just figure that you're not ready, not interested or just a plain straight boy, and that I will get rejected if I talk to you. So why bother ? I think guys have picked up on that and left you alone.

When I was looking for guys in bars to talk to, I did not talk to those who danced with girls. I saw them as "closed" to me.

When I see guys with lots of other guy friends around them, I get intimidated too. But that's just me. I prefer to get a guy when they are by themselves. Then there's less of a chance for the guy to "show off" in front of his friends by rejecting me or his friends being rowdy or whatever. Depends on the guy's friends. Sometimes I feel safe to talk to a guy surrounded by friends, sometimes not. So you may be right about the intimidating factor. If you are really hot and I mean really hot, guys can get intimidated by that and not talk to you just as they feel they have no chance.

In general if you go to a gay bar again, I'd recommend watching the guys around you and seeing if they look back at you for a long time or more than once. That's their way of invitation. If you like one of them, come up and be the first to start a conversation. Since you're in the closet, just go to the bars to dance or whatever it is you come there for. Meeting people will come naturally.

As for online dates ... have a friend call you 10-15 minutes into the date with a fake emergency. Excuse yourself from your date, apologize profusively, say you have to leave, say it's been nice but probaby not gonna work out or whatever, and leave. They may realize it's a fake emergency but whatever, save your skin.

Some people have advised that in your case, i.e. when a guy is really not what he presented himself to be, it's perfectly okay to say "I’m sorry but you don’t look anything like your pictures or anything in your profile. This isn’t going to work. Goodbye." (taken from ManHunt's advice column). I personally may tend to give the guy 10 minutes out of curiosity, but then invent something and leave. I suppose if it happens a few times I'd be more quick and ruthless.... as in don't waste my time.

As for online maybe someone who's had better experiences can share. If you're looking for sex, ManHunt may be better than Yahoo ... but bars definitely beat ALL online services and online in general in my opinion. Because in bars it's MUCH faster to get some action and you get to see and interract with the person so that you know what to expect.

 

[hotandwet]

I would keep your profile, just wait until someone your age messages you, it could change your life, seriously.

To late...

Thanks for the reply chrisdobro, very good info. I'm not really looking for sex I'm looking for someone who's in the same situation as me with being in the closet, that's why I think I'ma go to the coming out support group to meet people.

 

[MindBlast]

If guys don't know you're gay, nobody will date you.

It's your image or YOU. What do you choose?


I'm out and I still have a good image. My friends all like me (clearly), and I have no trouble making other straight friends too. I can make gay friends, and lesbian friends, and bi friends. I have a few. I would say it's better to be at least a little out than pretending to be straight. I'm not saying you have to flame it up, but maybe you should stop sticking to girls like glue. Maybe you should tell people you like guys when they inquire about girls. If your friends leave you because of your "image", they aren't really your friends.

 

[chrisdobro]

cool, I've heard that gay pride parades are also a place to meet people.

and yes, when you are in the closet it is kinda hard to meet other gay people.... but when you do meet someone it's awesome.

 

[Jory]

To late...

Thanks for the reply chrisdobro, very good info. I'm not really looking for sex I'm looking for someone who's in the same situation as me with being in the closet, that's why I think I'ma go to the coming out support group to meet people.

Hey I don't know what part of Los Angeles you live in but I think there is a Coming out group that meets at the Long Beach Center on Fridays good way to meet people.

 

[VICTORIADON]

So I meet him today and he's FUGLY!!! (FUCKIN UGLY!!!!!) And FAT!!!! his profile said he was "Athletic" he was FAT! He wasn't really obese or anything but he sure wasn't "Athletic!" OMG I was so disgusted when we ate... I lost my appetite, I almost threw up... seriously! The food was disgusting and the person i was with was disgusting, all i could think of the whole time was "Never Again," "When I get home I'm deleting my yahoo personals profile" and "OMG, WTF was I thinking!" The whole time he was trying to talk to me and I was just giving him one word answers so that he would figure I wasn't interested. I think It worked, but I felt bad for him so I payed which I kinda regret cause the food was disgusting! So after we left the restuarant I told him "You know what this isn't gonna work, I'm gonna leave now, It was nice meeting you." He looked kinda sad but I got the fuck outta there!

NEVER AGAIN!!!! I can do way better than this! I'm a good looking guy (not to sound cocky or anything...)In conclusion... I think I'm ready to come out of the closet to more people b/c I really want to find someone to be in a relationship with and I know it's hard to do that when your in the closet. So I am considering going to a coming out support group

Oh yeah forgot to mention the guy I went on a date with was 30 years old and all the guys who have been sending me messages on yahoo personals have been over 30!

Nice, really nice.
You sound like such a charmer.

 

[NephilimSin]

Very interesting...very very interesting. You should to man up more, and start having the mindset of "I don't give a fuck what other people think" That goes for your friends also. It sounds like to me you're little scared of coming out.

But.....its normal I guess. Everyone is different, Dating is much more easier if you were out. And yeah, if you say that you are good looking as you say you are. Then you'll attract hot guys. (I've been a witness of so many)

 

[screwnutty]

So I'm still a closet case check out my thread about it: http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=153370


NEVER AGAIN!!!! I can do way better than this! I'm a good looking guy (not to sound cocky or anything...) The whole time i was driving home I was just thinking how badly I wanna tell everyone I'm gay so that guys (good looking one's) but I have an image to maintain... I kno I sound like a cocky conceded little bitch but I dunno what to tell ya...


Oh yeah forgot to mention the guy I went on a date with was 30 years old and all the guys who have been sending me messages on yahoo personals have been over 30!

Wow...that's just horrible just horrible. You having to put up with a 30 year old guy. Wow. Just a friendly reminder that those "good looking guys" that you want to find usually have an ego so big that they have no room for you and funny thing about aging.....but hey what the hell do I know. I'm 30! I know nothing!! Good luck in your search.

I think I found a song for you.....

 

[confusedboy23]

It sounds like you'll fit right in with the club scene.

Look man, I don't know you, or this poor bastard you went out with. Maybe he is a troll. Maybe he isn't. What concerns me is how you are thinking about it.

If you want sex, believe me when I tell you that there is nothing on this earth that is easier for a gay man to find, especially if you are as hot as you think you are. You just need to grow a pair and ask.

If you want a boyfriend, you better develop some inner resources, and fast. You also need to learn how to spot those resources in others. Your whole rant here centers around that he's ugly, you're hot, and you deserve better. That tells the rest of us that you don't care about anything other than looks, and are completely self centered.

Having a boyfriend is about a connection between two people. Trust, respect, love, faith, generosity, support, a common ground, and a sincere and fulfilling enjoyment of engaging with one another that way. It is also about sex, and about seeing beauty in each other. But the sex is a perk, not the foundation. Having sex is just about having a place to do so.

Like I said, maybe he is a douchebag troll, maybe not. What worries me isn't him, it's you. If you want a boyfriend, then re-read your post, spelling and grammar errors and all, and think "if someone I actually liked saw this, would they want to date me?"

If you just want sex, try craigslist. Or my roomate.

I think I'm with --O2--!!!

You need to sit down and really ask yourself - what it is you're looking for. There are places to find friends, there are places to find love and there are also places to find PURE SEX! For each of them, I'm sure you would have a different set of criterias.

 

[hotandwet]

It sounds like you'll fit right in with the club scene.

Look man, I don't know you, or this poor bastard you went out with. Maybe he is a troll. Maybe he isn't. What concerns me is how you are thinking about it.

If you want sex, believe me when I tell you that there is nothing on this earth that is easier for a gay man to find, especially if you are as hot as you think you are. You just need to grow a pair and ask.

If you want a boyfriend, you better develop some inner resources, and fast. You also need to learn how to spot those resources in others. Your whole rant here centers around that he's ugly, you're hot, and you deserve better. That tells the rest of us that you don't care about anything other than looks, and are completely self centered.

Having a boyfriend is about a connection between two people. Trust, respect, love, faith, generosity, support, a common ground, and a sincere and fulfilling enjoyment of engaging with one another that way. It is also about sex, and about seeing beauty in each other. But the sex is a perk, not the foundation. Having sex is just about having a place to do so.

Like I said, maybe he is a douchebag troll, maybe not. What worries me isn't him, it's you. If you want a boyfriend, then re-read your post, spelling and grammar errors and all, and think "if someone I actually liked saw this, would they want to date me?"

If you just want sex, try craigslist. Or my roomate.

I do care about other things than looks, i'm not a superficial bitch I'm just being realistic here... I'd like someone good looking. I don't think I'm super hot or anything but I do have the confidence in myself to know I'm not ugly. And like I keep saying I don't really care about sex right now, I'm just interested in finding someone I can talk to and have a connection with. I just wanna BE with someone.

 

[BiGuy8705]

I had really good luck on Myspace. I don't really consider myself attractive, but judging by the fact that several guys apparently have crushes on me, I must be doing something right. If only they were the ones I wanted...

I'm very closeted, too, and havent really met any guys at clubs/ whatever, and the few I did ended up being freaks.

Only had one real dud online so far, and it was one I didn't ask for many pictures, I picked him up, we drove around the block, then I made up an excuse and dropped him off again. lesson of the day, ASK FOR MORE PICS! lol

 

[j0rdan]

Nothing a little humility wouldn't solve, O2

To the original poster - if it's just someone to talk to, that you're looking for - why in the world are you looking for 'SOMEONE to SLEEP WITH'? (i.e. looks only matter to people, when it comes to having sex).

- Jordan

It sounds like you'll fit right in with the club scene.

Look man, I don't know you, or this poor bastard you went out with. Maybe he is a troll. Maybe he isn't. What concerns me is how you are thinking about it.

If you want sex, believe me when I tell you that there is nothing on this earth that is easier for a gay man to find, especially if you are as hot as you think you are. You just need to grow a pair and ask.

If you want a boyfriend, you better develop some inner resources, and fast. You also need to learn how to spot those resources in others. Your whole rant here centers around that he's ugly, you're hot, and you deserve better. That tells the rest of us that you don't care about anything other than looks, and are completely self centered.

Having a boyfriend is about a connection between two people. Trust, respect, love, faith, generosity, support, a common ground, and a sincere and fulfilling enjoyment of engaging with one another that way. It is also about sex, and about seeing beauty in each other. But the sex is a perk, not the foundation. Having sex is just about having a place to do so.

Like I said, maybe he is a douchebag troll, maybe not. What worries me isn't him, it's you. If you want a boyfriend, then re-read your post, spelling and grammar errors and all, and think "if someone I actually liked saw this, would they want to date me?"

If you just want sex, try craigslist. Or my roomate.

 

[skaterboi]

lol @ the 30 somethings jumping on the poor guy in the NO FLAMING section of the forums

im going to sorta side with the op here, if someone has lied in their profile then you're hardly going to be happy when you meet them, hell I would be very pissed off if I met someone from the internet who had put something in their profile that wasnt true.
but its partly your own fault for not asking for more photos before meeting him, infact what possesed you to get his number and start texting him? anyone whos worth it and thinks you're worth it will be happy to spend atleast a week just messaging you through myspace/email or msn before even thinking of exchaging numbers.

think youve let the fact you really want someone get the better of you here and jump into a situation you wernt really prepared to handle when you actually met the guy and saw all wasnt as his profile had said, im not saying your reaction was your fault, hell you had been texting/phoning him or whatever and were probably very excited to meet him then totally crushed when you saw he was nothing like he portrayed in his profile.

as for meeting people, so far everyone i've talked to online seemes interested in one thing, and one thing only. Getting into my pants, i don't blame them but I'm not interested in random sex! (no matter how hot the guy is) i've only met two people who seem more interested in friendship than anything else and they seem like really nice people (would consider meeting with them as friends for a few drinks/night out)
its too easy for people to be something they aint online, they can lie, edit photos or downright steal them from someone elses profile, if you want to meet a real person and for them to be what you want then get out into the real world, where you can see and judge the person when you see them and not by a few select pics on the internet.

i met a really nice guy at a music festival the other day through a mutual friend and hes exactly what i would look for in a guy, even better because ive seen him a few times I know when I drag him out next week for a drink i'm not going to be meeting some random who could be a bit of a monster!

you say you only get contacted by people 30+ are you really sure you're as "hot" as you think? hell ive been in clubs that are NOT gay bars and still had guys grope/rub up against me and i'm totally straight acting! then on gaydar I get messages from a wide range of people aged from 18 to 40 something, im not a "hot" guy but everything in my profile is 100% accurate so if anyone wants to talk to me their getting exactly what my profile says. perhaps you need to bring yourself back down to earth a little here, no one likes someone whos so far up their own arse they would need a glass stomach to see! yes some confidance is deffinatly a turn on but arrogance is the worst human trait!

lastly you've got to remember people over 30 are probably going to take offence to your comment about only being contacted by people over 30, it kind makes them out to be some kind of sexual predators and their probably not (well some probably are) best thing i can probably say on this matter is that one day YOU will be 30 something yourself and if you've not found someone may still be looking for love, and as far as love is concerned age is not a factor.

good luck and keep us posted on how your love life goes

 

[screwnutty]

lol @ the 30 somethings jumping on the poor guy in the NO FLAMING section of the forums

im going to sorta side with the op here, if someone has lied in their profile then you're hardly going to be happy when you meet them, hell I would be very pissed off if I met someone from the internet who had put something in their profile that wasnt true.
but its partly your own fault for not asking for more photos before meeting him, infact what possesed you to get his number and start texting him? anyone whos worth it and thinks you're worth it will be happy to spend atleast a week just messaging you through myspace/email or msn before even thinking of exchaging numbers.

True, Very true! Never even thought about that! Must have been having an off day! Yeah if he's lied to you then he deserves to be dropped off at the nearest street corner!!

lastly you've got to remember people over 30 are probably going to take offence to your comment about only being contacted by people over 30, it kind makes them out to be some kind of sexual predators and their probably not (well some probably are) best thing i can probably say on this matter is that one day YOU will be 30 something yourself and if you've not found someone may still be looking for love, and as far as love is concerned age is not a factor.

good luck and keep us posted on how your love life goes

Yeah! dead on advice right here! I'm tired of "youngings" making fun of us guys who are over 30 years old. Now granted if your not attracted to guys over 30 + years I can totally understand that. I know guys tend to be pushy regardless of age. But don't make us out to be fat, ugly, trolls who only go in life is to bag us a twinkie! Cause it's not true. (well it's not true for me!) It's like some "younging" said to me in another thread awhile back....what are you doing hanging out with 20 to 24 year olds?? What do you guys have in common? Well we have lots in commmon...otherwise they won't hang out with me know would they. A magical switch doesn't go off when you turn 30 years old and the fun fairy comes along and says..."that's it for you...off to the retirement home with ya!"

anyways good luck to ya.