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Dealing With a Busy Schedule

K

KLTboy

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In December I met this guy online and after a few days of chatting, texting and phone calls we decided to meet one another. We had a very good first date. We enjoyed dinner together and then decided to see a movie after dinner. After our first date we decided to get together the very next day for a late dinner. So weeks go by... we decide that we are only dating one another so we can see how things develop.

When I first met (we will call him Chris) he told me right away that his work schedule is very demanding. I accepted that right away, because I am a full time student and I work full time as well... so I know all about demanding schedules. He also told me that he was married before and has two children (that do not live with him). His children are very young... He has a good relationship with his ex-wife and a great relationship with his kids.

I really like Chris. He's a good guy, but he's been hurt before by guys and wants to take it slow... that I understand. I know what that is all about, I think we all do. What kind of upsets me is that I seem to come third in his life. I am busy too, but I know how to balance my priorities so that I can have time for myself, dates, and loved ones. I do not want to be anyone's everything, but I rarely get to see him now. I do not know what to do. I do not want to appear as clingy and as a fatal attraction, but I do want it to be known that I really like him. I do know that he is still on dating sites and goes on them when he has down time and I mentioned to him how that kind of upsets me. He told me that he only goes on them to talk to friends and when he's bored. He said that logging on was a habit. I guess I can see where he's coming from... I used to log into these sites daily before I met him. After 3 weeks of dating him, I decided to delete my profiles. I have no interest in "seeing what's out there" so to speak.

So I am not sure what to do... I guess it causes me a little bit of anxiety that I am "third" in his life and that he still goes on the dating sites. Can anyone offer me a bit of advice?

Thanks! :-)
 
Have you wondered if he's still married? Just a question. If not, he may be addicted to random sex or just sexually playful. None of this seems compatible with what you want. Three weeks is not a long time. If he is telling you the truth and still not all that available to you you may need to put yourself back in the dating/hook-up game.
 
There's a fine line between "busy" and "emotionally unavailable". The important thing is noting which one it is. Three weeks isn't a long time either.

Unless you are willing to sit down and talk to him like an adult, the anxiety won't go away. If he can't have the conversation with you either, then clearly he has no interest in you.
 
The question is how much do you really know about this guy? It's possible that what he's told you is a portion of the truth but not the whole truth- as evidenced by some of the posts questioning whether he's still married, which is a distinct possibility given the evidence.

Different people are at different places in their lives. You may be ready for something serious and you may be looking for love but not everyone is. This guy may not be ready for something serious- emotionally or in terms of the priorities in his life.

You need to talk with him about this. Even if things do work out, you will likely still be way down the list on his priorities. If you're not able to accept this, he's not the right man for you.
 
I'm kinda in the same situation right now. I've asked him out a few times for the past 3 weeks and I feel he avoids me when I do that (we used to be together every week). I just decided to move on and not pursue anything romantic with him anymore. If he wants to be friends only, I'm okay with that but I'm not going to waste my time on someone who clearly lost interest even though he said he didn't.
 
I will always be a firm believer of putting the ball in the other guys court and moving on. The last time I did that was almost 28 years ago. Three months later when I had actually forgot about him he called for a hook up. I wasn't available that night, but we did get together two weeks later and have been together ever since!
 
soreknees said:
I will always be a firm believer of putting the ball in the other guys court and moving on. The last time I did that was almost 28 years ago. Three months later when I had actually forgot about him he called for a hook up. I wasn't available that night, but we did get together two weeks later and have been together ever since!
Click to expand...

Wow, that's a very inspiring story :) Congrats!
 
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