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Dealing with an awkward relationship issue... Help!

S

Sprinc218

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I've been dating this guy from college for a while now, and fairly recently we've become serious. We have so much fun together, and we're so good about liking the same things, and what we want out of life, but I think we've got a problem.

It's important for me to stress that he has not said anything directly, but I'm getting ultra-subtle hints from things he says and does that makes me think we've got a problem in the bedroom. Maybe I'm getting the hints because there's truth, or perhaps I'm just imagining it. In any event, I need to know how I can start the conversation with him. It's very awkward.

He's cut, I'm not. What should I do if it turns out he is jealous? I'm to understand a significant portion of men who were cut in infancy resent the fact. Should I encourage him to embark on a skin-stretching restoration project? What should I do if he is one of the type that thinks "all" guys should be cut, and foreskin (in general) is weird? I've known (but never had a sexual relationship) lots of people like that. What if he asks me to go get cut? What should I say if I'm wrong about all these subtle hints, and he doesnt have any problem with my cock the way it is?

I don't know how to start the conversation on this sensitive subject with him, but I know its something we'll have to talk about eventually, and I expect it to be difficult. I'm really wild about him, and I think he feels the same. I don't want to lose him, especially over a silly issue like this. I'm hoping for insight from personal experiences from people who might know. We can't be the first gay couple in history to have only one foreskin between the two of us.

Help!
 
If that is really that much of an issue for him than you are dating the most ridiculously shallow person in the universe. I agree with huntneo though in that you are probably worried about nothing. If you really want to bring it up though i'd just do it in a non-accusatory, neutral way... just say like "so... is this the first time you've ever been with an uncut guy before?" and then "how does it compare?" That way you can inquire without making it into a bigger issue than it needs to be.
 
You are worrying about something that has yet to become a problem. Ask him if he's previously had sex with an uncut guy and his feelings about it. I'm cut. I wish I weren't but I've never been mad at any guy who wasn't cut.
 
Do you and are you able to keep your foreskin area clean? There are two types of uncut guys: one type is somehow not aware that their foreskin can, if not properly cleaned, harbor bacteria which results in an unpleasant odor for some people (some actually like it!). Sometimes it is a physiological issue where the foreskin has not been retracted or is not able to retract fully for proper hygiene. The other type is able and willing to keep their foreskin very clean. I thought I'd ask because I can see how this could be the reason for your boyfriend's issue. Some guys have a hard time asking their sexual partners about this issue, and I can understand that. As far as your speculations on the matter, I agree that you are creating unnecessary scenarios and explanations for his behavior. I am a proud uncut man, and don't think anybody should feel inferior or superior for being uncut or cut, or feel any issues about it; it is natural to be uncut (we are all born that way), and for many it is a matter rooted in cultural or religious reasons. I would suggest you first learn to feel good about yourself the way you are, then you will feel much better and less apprehensive about approaching him about the matter. On the other hand, if he has a problem with your being uncut and you keep the area clean, then he has issues and if you both really want to develop a relationship, you will have to work things out.
 
The things cannot be getting anywhere, unless, you 2 guys agree to talk about absolutely everything openly and without any fear. Dropping hints left and right, now and then is something reserved for the ubiquitous people 'you know'. Your BF is your BF, he must be able to spill his beans at a drop of a hat. Period.

So, ask him.

If he has any problem in stating his cause, you have still miles to go ahead of you.

SC
 
do NOT cut anything off of your penis for ANYone.

unless a Dr. says something to the affect of "i have to cut this off your you're going to die..." it's a no.
 
If you guys are having sex, and he doesn't appear utterly grossed out by OR completely fixated on your foreskin, then I really don't think it's a problem. If you honestly and truly think there's some sort of unspoken issue there, you can try to sort of bring the topic up. Lay in bed and start playing with his dick, slowly and casually, and say something like, "It's cool feeling the difference between a cut and uncut dick." If there's an issue, that'll probably be enough to get hte ball rolling. My guess is he'll just sort of smile and start playing with yours, though. :)

Lex
 
You said that you think that there's a problem in the bedroom and then just jumped to the fact that you're uncut.

Has he said/done anything that makes you think that this is the problem, or are you just guessing?
 
Sprinc218 said:
He's cut, I'm not. What should I do if it turns out he is jealous? I'm to understand a significant portion of men who were cut in infancy resent the fact.
Click to expand...


What?

Other than the over-thinking you do in the rest of the post - what?

I thank God and my mother every day (figuratively) that I was circumcised. I've never known any guy circumcised who resents that. To me, it just looks better.

I don't want you to go through life thinking people reset what they are happy about.

The rest of what you wrote, dear friend, is just a lot of imagining of worries and creating your own possible problems is not helpful to anyone, especially you.

Maybe I'm getting the hints because there's truth, or perhaps I'm just imagining it.
Click to expand...
Might I suggest that is it.
 
These weren't quite the answers I was looking for, but thank you all, nevertheless. Perhaps I should have mentioned specifically the hints I picked up on, but no matter. I feel a bit better about starting the conversation with him now, which is what my goal was.

I'll let y'all know how the talk goes - we've not yet had it.
 
It's important for me to stress that he has not said anything directly, but I'm getting ultra-subtle hints from things he says and does that makes me think we've got a problem in the bedroom. Maybe I'm getting the hints because there's truth, or perhaps I'm just imagining it. In any event, I need to know how I can start the conversation with him. It's very awkward.

He's cut, I'm not. What should I do if it turns out he is jealous? I'm to understand a significant portion of men who were cut in infancy resent the fact. Should I encourage him to embark on a skin-stretching restoration project? What should I do if he is one of the type that thinks "all" guys should be cut, and foreskin (in general) is weird? I've known (but never had a sexual relationship) lots of people like that. What if he asks me to go get cut? What should I say if I'm wrong about all these subtle hints, and he doesnt have any problem with my cock the way it is?

I don't know how to start the conversation on this sensitive subject with him, but I know its something we'll have to talk about eventually, and I expect it to be difficult. I'm really wild about him, and I think he feels the same. I don't want to lose him, especially over a silly issue like this. I'm hoping for insight from personal experiences from people who might know. We can't be the first gay couple in history to have only one foreskin between the two of us.
Click to expand...


Why the hell do you think he'd be jealous?

Haven't you fucked yet???????

I think you have an overrated opinion of your foreskin.
 
Back to your original question of what to say and how to say it.

One way to do it would be to say to him basically what you've said to us. That you've picked up "vibes" from him about "penis issues" that you were curious about and wanted to know more about. See what he divulges.

Another way is, out of the bedroom, start a general conversation about "cut" dicks and "restoration" that you'd heard about. What does he think of that? Is he sorry he was cut? What are his preferences?

Yet another way is, while lying in bed naked (not sexually aroused or engaged), admire his dick and playfully compare it to your own. You could ask him if he's sorry he doesn't have a foreskin, and what he thinks of yours.

The problem is, you don't really know if the problem is that he doesn't have a foreskin and wishes he did, or the fact that you have one and he wishes you didn't. If it's the former, be comforting and assuring and tell him you like him just the way he is. Longer term, get him to fall back in love with his dick, regardless of what it looks like. If it's the latter (he prefers cut guys), it's a bit tougher for you. I certainly wouldn't get cut or go through "restoration" for anyone (you take me as I am, I'm afraid). And, know what while it may be a preference thing, it may not be THAT important to him either way, anyway. After all, I assume that your relationship is founded and based on things other than the qualities of each other's genitals.

Good luck. Let us know what happens.
 
jetsonboy said:
Do you and are you able to keep your foreskin area clean? There are two types of uncut guys: one type is somehow not aware that their foreskin can, if not properly cleaned, harbor bacteria which results in an unpleasant odor for some people (some actually like it!). Sometimes it is a physiological issue where the foreskin has not been retracted or is not able to retract fully for proper hygiene. The other type is able and willing to keep their foreskin very clean. I thought I'd ask because I can see how this could be the reason for your boyfriend's issue. Some guys have a hard time asking their sexual partners about this issue, and I can understand that. As far as your speculations on the matter, I agree that you are creating unnecessary scenarios and explanations for his behavior. I am a proud uncut man, and don't think anybody should feel inferior or superior for being uncut or cut, or feel any issues about it; it is natural to be uncut (we are all born that way), and for many it is a matter rooted in cultural or religious reasons. I would suggest you first learn to feel good about yourself the way you are, then you will feel much better and less apprehensive about approaching him about the matter. On the other hand, if he has a problem with your being uncut and you keep the area clean, then he has issues and if you both really want to develop a relationship, you will have to work things out.
Click to expand...

totally agreed keep it clean down their. Wash with soap before you have sex take a shower!
 
Here's my update on the situation. First, thanks for responding to the thread and helping give me confidence to start the conversation with him about it.

We sat down for a talk. I told him I picked up on a few subtle hints that he didn't like my cock, and I suspected it was because it was different than his. I asked him if he noticed that he gave a slight sigh the first time he saw me naked, when he pulled down my underwear. He appologized and said he didnt realize he had sighed, but he was hoping for me to have a bigger cock - it wasn't because our cocks are different. But he also said it didnt matter - he loves me for me, not for what I've got in my pants. (His cock also isnt any bigger than mine! He shouldn't be disappointed in that!) He said he didnt mean to give the impression that he didn't like it. It turns out the other hints I picked up on were simply from his ignorance -- having never played with an uncut cock before, he didnt know how they "work", how far the skin can stretch, and the "fragrance" that it has. He said he likes the scent - said its very manly, which is lucky for me. I'm the kind of guy who can scrub with soap, and before I can even get dried off the scent has returned. He told me he likes my foreskin. I didn't know how to reply to that, and somehow my tongue got ahead of my mind and I replied with "Thanks, I like your scar-less cut" :| I hope that wasn't the wrong thing to say. I suppose it wasnt, because we ended up having spontaneous sex, IMO our best yet.

So now I guess we're good, except for getting used to each other's cock as being different. That will come with some more practice though, I'm sure.

Thank you all for your support! (*8*)
 
but he was hoping for me to have a bigger cock - it wasn't because our cocks are different.
Click to expand...

Gee, now I'll bet you feel a lot better.
 
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