Dealing with Rejection

[WrestleHard]

Hey guys, im relatively new to the scene and this site and I'm wondering how you guys deal with rejection, reason why I ask is, I asked a guy for a date for the first time in about 5 years and he said lets be friends, Im not sure what i should be feeling, my feelings are all over the place at the moment, regret etc, but I keep telling myself If I didnt ask him I would probably be kicking myself right now.

Sorry for being a bit dramatic, just want to know how people deal with it?

 

[HunterM]

You ask the next guy out...and the next guy out...and the next guy out.

 

[Rolyo85]

Well, you can think of why he did it. Not overobsess about it, just try to dispassionately analyze what went wrong. Was he fresh out of something else? Was he IN something else? Was he the type to think he was too hot/ugly for you? Were you too forward? Too awkward? Was the time right?

Or was it just that he wasn't interested in anything at the moment?

All I'm saying is - don't ASSUME it was something you did, but think about what it could have been if it was, instead of depressing over the rejection.

 

[Kyanimal]

he said lets be friends

What's the problem with that? Granted, it wasn't what you were hoping for, but he didn't slug you, and run away screaming!

I'd suggest going along with his suggestion. Friends are not always that easy to find! And, he just might have a friend that you'll click "all the way through" with.

Everyone has their own 'types', feelings, and circumstances. You were right about asking in the first place. But, also, respect his answer, and be a Friend.

 

[chance1]

Hey guys, im relatively new to the scene and this site and I'm wondering how you guys deal with rejection, reason why I ask is, I asked a guy for a date for the first time in about 5 years and he said lets be friends, Im not sure what i should be feeling, my feelings are all over the place at the moment, regret etc, but I keep telling myself If I didnt ask him I would probably be kicking myself right now.

Sorry for being a bit dramatic, just want to know how people deal with it?

very cool that you asked him out - he didn't say yes but if you didn't ask him you'd never know

having gay friends (real friends) is as/more important - guys to hang with - share stories, good times and bad times with

you're bummed - and that's normal

get right back on the horse to speak - and ask another guy out when you're feeling it

been there

we all have

 

[Telstra]

Hey guys, im relatively new to the scene and this site and I'm wondering how you guys deal with rejection, reason why I ask is, I asked a guy for a date for the first time in about 5 years and he said lets be friends, Im not sure what i should be feeling, my feelings are all over the place at the moment, regret etc, but I keep telling myself If I didnt ask him I would probably be kicking myself right now.

Sorry for being a bit dramatic, just want to know how people deal with it?

Just telling yourself it is not your fault that they rejected you.
Its their fault. Problems solved.

 

[Sigma-taylor-E]

Move on and go to the next guy.

 

[MindBlast]

Sometimes it's very simple and can be summed up with the phrase, "He's just not that into you."

I can't tell you how many times (even as a muscular guy myself) I've experienced that kind of thing. Not every guy you like is going to be into you. Period. For whatever reason. Sometimes those reasons he's NOT into you are the same reasons other guys ARE into you! Think about that.

 

[ThatRandomGuy]

I don't let the rejection get to me. Honestly I'm used to it. I move on, continue bettering myself and accomplishing things that make me happy. If I still have feelings for someone or develop feelings for someone else then I will try again and see what unfolds.

 

[Just_Believe18]

It's nice that he is being open and honest with you immediately. Some guys can lead you on because they lack the confidence to express their disinterest. You can't make someone like you, so if there's no chemistry on the other side, you move on. There are plenty of other guys out there for you to meet and date. Just don't wait another five years until you ask the next one.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

First of all, don't think of it as a rejection.

That implies that there's something wrong with you, and there is NOT.

You're going to be a great boy friend, and mean the world to someone ... someone you haven't found ... yet.

Just because it wasn't THIS guy, it doesn't mean "HE" isn't still out there waiting for you to find him - this just means THIS guy isn't "HIM".

Put yourself in his shoes - I'm sure there are a lot of people who might find you attractive that you're just not as interested in. It certainly doesn't mean there's something wrong with them... It just means you don't mutually see them in the same romantic/attractive light.

And who knows... be friends with this guy... there might come a day after he's gotten to know you where he changes his mind - but don't waste your time waiting for that to happen either!!! Get out there and find that guy who see's as much in you as you see in them.

 

[HunterM]

It's all about compatibility. So you have to go back out there, meet other people, and find someone that is compatible.

Meanwhile, ask yourself. What do you have to offer in a relationship? What are you brining to the table in your next relationship? List those qualities to help you get a perspective.

 

[maxpowr9]

Rejection does get a tad easier the more it happens. The first few times are tough but now, I brush it off after a day unless the date was just bad and we were just not for each other. Course it does suck sometimes when the infatuation is unrequited but I try to just move onto someone else or I distract myself by cuddling with a book.

 

[TexMade90]

You do have to take a few risks at times, because what if the next guy you meet is really into you but is shy about being rejected, and you are into him also but you never ask him out? you could definitely miss out on something good

 

[WrestleHard]

Thanks guys for all the advice, sorry for the late reply. Just thought I would give a quick update, We did exchange numbers to be friends but I never text him, only to say sorry for asking him out. I kinda figured that I needed to find out a bit more about myself, I did regret asking him out for 3 days but it soon left and moved on. I dont know how to describe it but its made me feel a bit more confident.

Anyway thanks again for the advice and this time I wont leave it 5 years to ask another guy out xD

 

[bananagoof]

Congrats man! I'm glad you've got a new perspective on it. The thing about asking people out is...you're being honest about your feelings, and that ALWAYS feels good in the long run

I'm glad he was nice about the way he turned down your offer, but I also agree that sometimes it's difficult to be friends with people you are too intensely attracted too. Better to give yourself some space, and then maybe, at a later date, once you've found someone who DOES return your feelings, consider exploring a friendship with the original guy.

I've seen too many people try and stay friends with folks when they want more, and it's just awkward.

 

[Seasoned]

It's really best when we can be casual when asking someone out. The longer we wait the more inclined we are to crush and obsess. Most people eventually end up on both sides of that situation, being turned down and having to turn down. It's a chemistry thing or any of the things already suggested. It's important to not take it personally and to stay positive and optimistic, because that gives off a better vibe that tentativeness. Good luck.