Dear God, I Just Had Really, REALLY Bad Sex....

[yuty]

So, I'm horny and it's Thirsty Thursday. I'm kinda stoned, kinda drunk and I needed release. But, alas, I had noone to have sex with. All my usuals were not in the area. So, I found another gay guy on campus. I didn't find him attractive at all. He was overweight. Had an annoying voice. And his personality wasn't exactly sparkling either. But he was willing. A friend with benefits.

So I thought: "Why not? A body is body and a hole is hole." I figured if I turned off all the lights, I could imagine I was with a crush I had in school. What could go wrong?

EVERYTHING. He was a REALLY bad kisser. He made out with my nose more wrong than my mouth. He basically salivated all of my face. I had to get a towel to dry it...

As far as blowjobs go, he was very eager....to BITE the damn thing. He treated it like a hot dog and proceeded to sniff the top of my dick like it was a scented candle every five seconds.

Than came the foreplay of body massages, etc. I treated him with care and made him feel good in all the good places. Him? He treated me like a piece of dough and patted me like he was making a pie or something.

Than came the fucking. He wouldn't make up his damn mind. "I'll top. No. I'll bottom. No. Forget it, I'll top...or should I bottom?" AGH! So I finally topped him. I did all the finger preparation to make him relaxed and ready for fucking. What happened? Every time I push it in....he pushed it out. Like my dick was a piece of constipated shit. I kept telling him to relax, I asked if I was hurting him, I used more lube, I did EVERYTHING I could but he kept pushing my dick out of his ass.

So I said "fuck it" and proceeded to bottom for him. I was all lubed up and ready to go.

What happened? Guy couldn't stay hard. It was like one of those gummi worms. Everytime I got it hard again, he would deflate in seconds. I tried every position but he just wouldn't stay hard. Hell, I put on porn to see if it would work. At one point, he thought he was really fucking me but he was just frottaging the cleavage of my ass.

By then, I had it. I ripped of his condom, laid him down, and proceeded to jerk him off to orgasm. He lasted only 23 seconds ( I counted...) and he shot all over my new posters on my wall.

I didn't even get my orgasm as I was just so frustrated and pissed. I acted like I had a good time of course and said he was great (gotta keep my rep up...)

*sigh*

Really. REALLY. REAAALLLY. Bad. Sex.

 

[yuty]

GROSS!!

My sheets are soaked with his filthy sweat! Jesus! I'm gonna have to wash them!

AAAAARGGH!

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Yuty,

There is no consolation here. And there never can be one.

#1
We have all been there and done that. (No one has bought the T-shirt.) It comes with the territiory. Gay, bi, straight. No exception.

#2
Shit happens, even under the best of circumstances. Let alone, if everything is pointing into the wrong direction.

#3
Draw your conclusions and do not repeat the same errors of judgement. You need time and space to make new mistakes and learn from them rather than keep endlessly repeating the old ones. (If that is of any consolation.)

#4
Today is Friday. A new day. A new opportunity to have some great fun.

SC

 

[yuty]

Thanks!

I'll survive.

I'm laughing right now. It's fucking hilarious when I replay it in my head.

Jesus Christ, there's like this bizarre version of a snowangel on my sheets. An imprint of his form comprised sweat.

Ugh!

Have to wash the sheets, Lysol the bed, and put in new sheets....

 

[ichorinmyveins2]

So next time, use your hand.

 

[neruda]

If you're holidaying in Hawaii let me know
Hearing what you went through I'm growing tremendously in self esteem

 

[yuty]

"Why not? A body is body and a hole is hole."

With this sort mentality, I am very surprised that you had sex in the first place.

I'm kinda stoned, kinda drunk and I needed release.

That explained the bad sex.

I know, I know, Yuty got what he deserved. I learned my lesson.

 

[yuty]

If you're holidaying in Hawaii let me know
Hearing what you went through I'm growing tremendously in self esteem

One of the reasons, why I post stories of my sad pathetic life. Makes everyone else happy.

LOL

 

[yuty]

Wow so you went from 2 1/2 hours of great sex to um nothing fun

Yeah. Wow, there really is such a thing as karma...

 

[yuty]

Did this really happen?

Sadly, yes.

I really wish it hadn't.

Cause it's 2am here and I have to strip the goddamn bed....

 

[yuty]

I guess Well at least you didn't traumatize the poor guy by telling him he sucked but you could have urm given him pointers or something you know so he doesn't traumatize anyone else

I was nicer than I should have been. I could tell he didn't have much experience. I did give him pointers but he just kinda ignored them like was some kinda Roman sex god or something.

I was acting like a slut and I got what sluts deserve: a filthy fucking sweatstain allover my fucking comforters....

 

[backpacker]

The evening wasn't a complete loss, you provided me with a good laugh.

We have all been there. Just hope you don't get a repeat experience.

 

[Croynan]

"Why not? A body is body and a hole is hole."

With this sort mentality, I am very surprised that you had sex in the first place.

I'm kinda stoned, kinda drunk and I needed release.

That explained the bad sex.

well last week it was the hot stud from manhunt or what ever.

did you think of calling him back, or did you forget his name and number? maybe he might have been interested.

i hope you are keeping track and score of all these fucks so that you don't accidentally repeat yourself with one of them. that sounds like it could be a major catastrophe.

sounds a lot like a numbers game instead of who the person really is - maybe that is secondary and the fucking has priority.

can we assume this story will be continued on a weekly basis so we are up to date on your latest conquest and excursion into the world of young adult homosexuality?

with the "usuals" not around i hope you are keeping a "demographic study" of your campus and fucking experiences - who knows this might come in handy for a paper or a project while you are there getting "your education."

bit of an intrusion into your privacy and or space,, and i do apologize for doing so, but i was wondering if your parents are paying for your education, you are working part/full time and or are you on student loans?

as 20th Century Fox Films use to say, "Time Marches On."

but then again what do i know, being a mere local village idiot with no insights into any of this modern day homosexual behaviours.

​

eM.​

 

[tonysw]

From the wisdom of a public toilet wall:- "A good crap is better than bad sex, but some people can't tell the difference". Maybe Sweatboi can't.

 

[yuty]

well last week it was the hot stud from manhunt or what ever.

did you think of calling him back, or did you forget his name and number? maybe he might have been interested.

i hope you are keeping track and score of all these fucks so that you don't accidentally repeat yourself with one of them. that sounds like it could be a major catastrophe.

sounds a lot like a numbers game instead of who the person really is - maybe that is secondary and the fucking has priority.

can we assume this story will be continued on a weekly basis so we are up to date on your latest conquest and excursion into the world of young adult homosexuality?

as 20th Century Fox Films use to say, "Time Marches On."

but then again what do i know, being a mere local village idiot with no insights into any of this modern day homosexual behaviours.

​

eM.​

Nah. I'm going through my "early twenties slut phase" every gay man has in his life. It'll pass.

Stay tuned, folks! My next sexual experience will probably even more laughs!

 

[star-warrior]

Poor guy. He was probably nervous. Maybe intimidate by you being a power bottom.

 

[Servb0t King]

So, I'm horny and it's Thirsty Thursday. I'm kinda stoned, kinda drunk and I needed release. But, alas, I had noone to have sex with. All my usuals were not in the area. So, I found another gay guy on campus. I didn't find him attractive at all. He was overweight. Had an annoying voice. And his personality wasn't exactly sparkling either. But he was willing. A friend with benefits.

So I thought: "Why not? A body is body and a hole is hole." I figured if I turned off all the lights, I could imagine I was with a crush I had in school. What could go wrong?

EVERYTHING. He was a REALLY bad kisser. He made out with my nose more wrong than my mouth. He basically salivated all of my face. I had to get a towel to dry it...

As far as blowjobs go, he was very eager....to BITE the damn thing. He treated it like a hot dog and proceeded to sniff the top of my dick like it was a scented candle every five seconds.

Than came the foreplay of body massages, etc. I treated him with care and made him feel good in all the good places. Him? He treated me like a piece of dough and patted me like he was making a pie or something.

Than came the fucking. He wouldn't make up his damn mind. "I'll top. No. I'll bottom. No. Forget it, I'll top...or should I bottom?" AGH! So I finally topped him. I did all the finger preparation to make him relaxed and ready for fucking. What happened? Every time I push it in....he pushed it out. Like my dick was a piece of constipated shit. I kept telling him to relax, I asked if I was hurting him, I used more lube, I did EVERYTHING I could but he kept pushing my dick out of his ass.

So I said "fuck it" and proceeded to bottom for him. I was all lubed up and ready to go.

What happened? Guy couldn't stay hard. It was like one of those gummi worms. Everytime I got it hard again, he would deflate in seconds. I tried every position but he just wouldn't stay hard. Hell, I put on porn to see if it would work. At one point, he thought he was really fucking me but he was just frottaging the cleavage of my ass.

By then, I had it. I ripped of his condom, laid him down, and proceeded to jerk him off to orgasm. He lasted only 23 seconds ( I counted...) and he shot all over my new posters on my wall.

I didn't even get my orgasm as I was just so frustrated and pissed. I acted like I had a good time of course and said he was great (gotta keep my rep up...)

*sigh*

Really. REALLY. REAAALLLY. Bad. Sex.

LOL. Hahahahaha. Wow. I'm sorry dude. =( Drunk sex is usually bomb. I don't care how horny i am...if the dude can't kiss...im like done lol. But yea. sorry again dude.

 

[PreTTy PeTe]

By then, I had it. I ripped of his condom, laid him down, and proceeded to jerk him off to orgasm. He lasted only 23 seconds ( I counted...) and he shot all over my new posters on my wall.

damn at least you didn't have to scrape it off the ceiling.

now tell me another tale.

 

[BenF]

Easy solution, ask for your money back and don't use him again.

Shagging a fatty is usually like riding a moped - good fun but you don't want your mates to see you on it.

 

[LeoMikey]

We've all had at least one bad sexual encounter. But hey, you learned you lesson! And better still, you provided us all with a good laugh!! I can laugh at my mistakes, so will you someday. Next time don't settle on a guy you are'nt into, it's never worth the trouble. Just rent some hot porno, grab some lube, and beat you dick until you're shooting blanks. You can even smoke some weed or be a little drunk, and even if you can't get it up, who are you letting down? Nothing wrong with beating off, and who better than you to know what get's you off?
Masturbation is sex with someone you love. Who said that? It's brilliant.