Death of an Author

[Ambrocious]

There are so many people out there writing stories and poetry and other things, who would even notice if I disappeared off the face of this dreary planet? Those same thoughts came into my head every single time I turned on my computer specifically made to write stories and other snippets of visual choreography wrapped gently together like a rose petal over soft ice cream. Every time I begin to write something...all imagination suddenly drains from me and I find myself feeling all alone as I always am and I stop writing because who really will read it and who really will care?

I see people every day skittering about; doing the same things that they always have done and seeing the same old bull shit that they always see. Nothing ever changes in the discrepancies of time except the fact that things are getting worse. And I have to ask myself the simple question of why?

Why is it that some people can be happy and enjoy life and run around all day long enjoying things while I feel the shadow as if it were a blanket over my head? Why is it that I have lost the desire to craft beautifully written chorus's of literature that makes a ready desire to live in that sort of way and be that sort of person? How is it that I have lost the sight into the endless love and sharpened dreams of joy while others rise up and hold onto the golden amulets I like to call success?

Why is it that some people can write forever...like Stephen King. Some people never tire of these things and the imagination goes dark in my period of life but others move onward; blissfully unaware that a death of an author has occurred.

And your's truly is tired of a life of no reward...for what else is left to live for if there is no joy left to even remember?

 

[EasyRory]

...who would even notice if I disappeared ...

I met an Aussie once, very nice guy, who felt this way about his whole country, that it would be weeks before the world even noticed they were gone.

I agree with you that writing without any recognition is disappointing, so decide to write for yourself not anybody else. Write in ways that please you, try new techniques.

Please reply to me without using the letter 'E'.

May your carpal tunnels be filled with gold,

Rory

 

[bankside]

Authors do not write because they want to have fans. They write because some things simply must be said. You can roll it up and put it in a bottle across the ocean for as much as it matters: the gift and the drive are to commit it to paper.

When you write that way, only the things that must be said, you are likely to find a wide audience. Or a thoughtful audience. Or a thoughtful correspondent.

I hope that helps you with your writing.

As far as disappearing, that wish is usually an artifact of too many burdens in the mind. You, I know from your posts, want very much for the world to be a better place. Don't give in to fatigue just because it isn't perfect. You take it upon yourself to make the world right, but sometimes that struggle obscures the beauty that is already here around you so that it is hard for you to see it.

Take a walk in the park. Leave a few problems to be solved for another day, and enjoy the next dawn. And if you spend the next 3 weeks in storms and constant fog, enjoy the dawn after that.

Life offers no reward - life is the reward.

 

[Ambrocious]

Gidday Ambrocious,
Comparitively speaking, I think, JUB is a small community in terms of active members. So there's never going to be a huge, huge audience, suffice to say, I've read some of your stuff, and it was well written and pretty hot ! Going by the number of hits the stories generally get, there's bound to be a lot of guys reading the stories behind the scenes.
I'm not sure though, from what you wrote, whether you are fed up with life as an author, or fed up with life in general. Hopefully, it's the former because the later is far more serious.
I was just wondering if you could tell us more about what you mean by this : Nothing ever changes in the discrepancies of time except the fact that things are getting worse. And I have to ask myself the simple question of why?

Well...I'm sick of living and not getting enough done in life. I seemingly lost the spark to write but not really. I can still write but the passion is gone out of it, even if I wrote something well, I I don't feel urged to bare my imagination like I once did.

I want to make a positive difference in this world all the while most of the world is heading into crap and we all fall in with it even though none of us like it. I don't know exactly what it is that is staying my hand from writing exactly but the simple fact that I wrote in this section might be good news for my mind and heart. Let us hope.

 

[Autolycus]

Well...I'm sick of living and not getting enough done in life. I seemingly lost the spark to write but not really. I can still write but the passion is gone out of it, even if I wrote something well, I I don't feel urged to bare my imagination like I once did.

I want to make a positive difference in this world all the while most of the world is heading into crap and we all fall in with it even though none of us like it. I don't know exactly what it is that is staying my hand from writing exactly but the simple fact that I wrote in this section might be good news for my mind and heart. Let us hope.

From what you say, it seems to me that you are in a general state of depression. Writing is a spontaneous thing - an idea is formed in your mind and like a seed it starts to grow and ultimately blossom into something that has pleased you to produce.

The writers you have quoted gain a reward from their work as their books are bought and paid for, writing here is a quite different matter. The only reward is to see the number of hits you get coupled with the kind comments from those who are prepared to spare the time to thank you or offer praise.

Never despair if you cannot think of a plot line on the spur of the moment. Whether you call it a muse or inspiration, it takes something to jog the writer's mind into creativity. Go out and look around - watch people going about their everyday activities and who knows, you may see someone or something that will give you the spur you need.

Never, ever get despondent or think negatively - life is too short and too precious!

 

[DonQuixote]

Ambrocious,
I, for one, would miss you.
I HAVE missed your missives in the story forum.

I don't foray into Hot Topics or CE&AP(?) realms with any regularity - I have plenty of the Real World, already. JUB is my primary fortress of relaxation and contemplation - YOU have been an integral part of that.

When I see you online, I shout out now and again, but not every time - I don't want to be a nudge, and I don't always have some "earth-shattering" news to share or witicism to make - frequently my ol' tired arse is dragging, and I'm looking for camaraderie and friendship w/out taxing my poor neurons too much - although Lefty and Shih Tzu Tylenol can certainly force my synapses into overtime (load?! lol)

We've shared behind the scenes, over the past year plus. You are one of the few people who know some of the places I've been in my life, the depths of depression and the offsetting manic lifts that I went through 15 or so years ago. You also know where I try to be in my personal outlook on life and people.

My day to day world isn't a bed of roses or, maybe it is, complete with the thorns.
I look to find the best in people and the world around me, while being cognizant of the realities. I reach out to people here both for friendship and to give a shoulder to lean on or ear to "talk" to. I share some of my life's lessons - I don't pretend to have all of the answers - but if people can see that someone else has lived through difficult periods and still retain a generally optimistic/cup is 3/4 FULL outlook on life, then maybe that will help them in their journey and tribulations.

You've found some interesting entanglements, with philosophies and views of the world around us that I don't necessarily ascribe to. I listen to you, and respect where you've been in life and what you try to believe. At the same time, I hope that you can see the LIGHT all around - even in these difficult times, and know that life is worth the fight at any price.

We are all our own worst enemies - that is certainly true for me. We tend to build our own prisons - from our perceptions of our life experiences - that filter out what doesn't fit with our conceptions of what is out there - whether it's the REAL reality, or not. Most of the time, we all miss a goodly part of what's out there because of our filters.

The guys who have responded to you bring you sincere, honest observations of life as they have seen it. There is a lot of wisdom there.
I hope you see it and embrace it - and life and the world that is out there in all of His great glory.

Don't worry about your muse so much - we all have mental blocks. I respond to others' writings, and dabble with poetry in a playful way, because I'm not gifted with a literary muse to write stories. It's a talent I'm envious of.

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

Don't get discouraged Ambro, we all have bout's with self doubt from time to time. You have to have faith in yourself, and others will sense that strength in you. Dare to dream! Set yourself some simple goals and you'll feel terrific as they slowly and surely come true.
Then set bigger goals.

All of us get lost in the darkness, but dreamers learn to steer by the stars.
And all of us do time in the gutter, but dreamers turn to look at the cars.

I'm a dreamer Ambros, join me...be a dreamer too.